To All Loyal Men of Paris,
Come and join the country’s premier regiment, the King’s Musketeers, and ensure that France’s enemies are hunted down and dispatched. Places are still available, but please apply early to avoid any disappointment.
Generous bonuses available and help with purchasing your commission.
† B.Bdr-General The Money Goes, King’s Musketeers

The recent charity auction raised 750 crowns to promote Medical “Mad” Science.
In March I will be awarding this amount to reward the person who, in my opinion, has Paris’s most enquiring mind.
If you feel that your mind qualifies for such an award, please send me your latest idea or scheme by the next deadline. All applicants will be invited to a ball in March where the winner will be announced (and the losers mocked).
Any additional donations to the prize fund will be gladly received.
† Stewart Senquiry

To all members of the King’s Musketeers,
Regarding the new Duelling (Death & Bullying) Tax 1660, from now on I will cover all costs incurred when we fight the Cardinal’s Guards.

Sometimes life just falls into a rut. Same old face next to you on the pillow. Same old dreary barman telling the same old jokes at the club. Same old crowned prince telling you tales of his heroism during battles that he, in fact, never even saw! Not even a duel to break the monotony.
Is this any life for a man of honour?
“No” I say.
The time has come to once again grab fate by the balls. Time to put my soft and delicate bodily parts in the way of harm on the road to death or glory.
So let’s hitch up and move out – to Alsace (?!*). Whatever…
† Beau Romir

Marquis d’Or,
Since you deliberately can’t be a....d to get my name right, I regard this as a slight on my honour which will need addressing on your return. How would you like it if it happened to you? How about Revolting d’Og as a new moniker? Your deliberate and continuous lies about the mechanism of the tax (originally introduced by my glorious predecessor and later made less onerous by the gracious permission of His Majesty at my humble request) serve to undermine confidence in His Majesty’s Government.
† Orson de Combat

To the anonymous wit.
With regard to your slur on the Picardy Musketeers,
I will not lower myself to begin to answer such a childish slur. But, should you have the courage to reveal your identity, I will be waiting at the field of honour for you to answer for your pathetic scribble, though I strongly believe I will wait in vain because of the coward you obviously are.
† Colonel Pierre de Vin Rouge, Picardy Musketeers

General Jacques Shitacks would like to extend a warm invitation to all gentlemen over SL 17 to join him at the Fleur to escape from the winter blues; female company welcome, Weeks 1, 2 & 3.
    Yours,† Shitacks

Banish the January Blues! All gentlemen of SL13+ are invited to bring their ladies at my expense to a party at my club. Also – a New Year round of drinks in Week 2 to all those unable to come to the party – ask at your clubs for a drink for you (and your lady if you are lucky enough to have one).
† Orson de Combat

To Subaltern Gregory Lessore-de-Saviour
You are hereby invited to attend an interview over lunch with Sir Pierre de Mont Rëal in the second week of February at his club. All travel and related costs paid.
    Yours, etc,
Parisian Headhunters Inc

To all Gentleman of SL7 or less
As explained in my hand-written note delivered to your residence, the rooms at Blue Gables I wished to use for our discussions on the increased dangers of being waylaid on the way home from Bawdyhouses in Weeks 2 and 3, Jan 1661 were already booked by the ‘Matrons of the Fallen Women of Montmartre Annual Sewing Circle’. I was told that ‘You don’t want to mess with these mothers’, so I have re-arranged this meeting for Weeks 2 and 3 of this month (February 1661) – drinks at my expense, no mistresses, no Cardinal’s Guard.
† Gregory Lessore de Saviour

General Jacques Shitacks would like to start the year by immersing himself in the honest goodness of Parisian culture. To this end, I invite all gentlemen and their ladies to the Fleur in week 4. Attendees to cover their own costs.
    Yours† Shitacks.

            New Year Races
Devlin Carnate will be hosting horse races during the 3rd and 4th week of January. All those of SL 13+ are invited to join him in his private bar, along with their mistresses. Entrants of SL 10+ are invited to do the same.

To GdLi
You’re welcome to Katy – she’s fickle and damned expensive.
† Egon Madd

Dear Voice of the People,
I feel that if the CPS can ignore the auction of an estate of someone who is still alive, then the Chancellor can turn a blind eye to the profits made from it.
† Stewart Senquiry

Cher Orson,
When are you abolishing paying a fine for killing a peasant?
† Le bladder Noire

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards pointed shoes that need strings to hold them up, Gaston de St Marque has fashionable feet.

Open Letter to the Gentlemen of Paris:
Monsieur Gregory Lessore de Saviour’s letter last month highlights an important issue plaguing the men of Paris: the footpads and other unsavoury types that frequent some of Paris’s finest places of leisure. Having survived several tours of duty with His Majesty’s armed forces now, I find it distasteful that I need carry a sword and watch my back while on leave in order to partake in such simple pleasures as betting on a horse race or enjoying a drink with a fine young lass.
The good gentleman suggested we structure our trips to such areas so as to only travel in groups, but I refuse to let slimy cowards who prey upon the free citizens of our city stop me from enjoying myself on my own schedule. Therefore, I move we take more serious action against the groups which are sullying the more colourful areas of our fair city. Since it is not yet the campaign season, there are plenty of warm bodies lazing about Paris on leave from the military. Why not send a regiment or two of them to clean up the mess around the Racetrack and bawdyhouse? Failing that, I’m sure we could certainly scrape up enough volunteers from our own numbers to storm the blackguards’ strongholds ourselves and pitch them outside the city limits (or into the Seine).
But this is just one man’s opinion. I anxiously await your views on this important civic issue.
† B.Brigadier-General Alain Hermès, Commanding Officer, 27th Musketeers

Cher Aloysius Gnomeclencher
You do not have to pay the tax. You did not kill anyone and I presume from your letter that you were not taking part in a gang-duel (whereby more than one member of the same regiment picks duels with one solitary individual simultaneously). For example, when Euria Humble would find himself almost each month facing several members of the QOC.
Hope this helps – if you have offered anything into the coffers it should be returned to you.
† Orson de Combat

To a Gentleman of France, use of an edged weapon should be second nature. Of course, some are more naturally skilled than others.
† Aloysius Gnomeclencher

Dear Walter Butts,
I did say that command wasn’t as easy as it seems. If you need any help moving up 13th Fusiliers, whether cash or advice, please let me know and I’ll be more than happy to point you in the right direction.
    Yours,
† B.Bdr-General The Money Goes, Kings Musketeers

From the diary of Egon Madd
After all the trouble I went to to catch Katy, she immediately dumps me for someone else.
Next time I’m going to MAKE my own.

Sirs,
Some assistance please.
I recently received a communication from a longstanding English adversary of mine. In his letter he gloats about an English victory over our beloved France in something he refers to as ‘Rugger’.
I have no idea as to what he is pertaining too, so any assistance/ information would be gratefully received.
    With thanks in advance,
† Pierre de Vin Rouge

DUELLING TAX
Bah! It was Garbage before and it is garbage now… Waste of Money…

King’s Musketeers
Average IQ: Above zero but in the bottom 25% Quintile.
Lucky Colour: Royal Blue
Lucky Stone: Lucy
Quip: Let’s open another barrel

From the diary of Egon Madd
My research on turning lead into gold has proved a success! Sadly it’s costing me 10 Cr in materials to make 1 Cr worth of gold. Damn it, I’m going to have to find another source of income.

Cher Armand dan Dangerous
Le Roi is right – join a regiment. Don’t split hairs about ‘income’ versus ‘allowance’ – it is still money coming into your pocket. We all started with little or nothing. I thought I was helping you by pointing out you’d overpaid your first lump – but perhaps you do not want to be helped. If you read the small print you will see that you only had to pay 15 crowns per month if you had less than 100 crowns income (0 = less than 100 crowns) up to the maximum of 60 crowns. Actually wanting to kill your opponent to settle honour is pretty pathetic really.
† Orson de Combat

Dear Egon,ill you be wanting me to remove your name from the War Memorial?
† Stewart

B. Bdr-General The Money Goes,
Do I understand that you don’t read the letters that go out under your signature?
You are maintaining an honourable tradition, and are a true Gentleman of France.
† Aloysius Gnomeclencher

1 The artillery pieces behind the Prussian line
Are aimed and about to load
The Cavalry’s stuck in the mud again
We could have left our horses at home
The General doesn’t understand it
His eyes are only on the gold
And we see no breaches
‘Cos there are no breaches
We need more cannon of our ow-ow-ow-ow-own!
2 Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
I wanna par-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ty back at home
3 The despatch rider is really keen
To bring news to the waiting world
My Major was popped
And I’ve filled his spot
But I’d rather be at home with a Paris girl
Wined and dined nothing on my mind
In a bawdy house if I’m so inclined
We can see no Guards
We can see no Marines
Where’s the fodder that we need?
4 Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
I wanna char-ar-ar-ar-ar-arge
But I’m stuck in the mud, mud, mud, stuck in the mud
5 The bombardments stopped on the battlefield now
Our enemy is up to no-good-again
The CO signals that we’ll soon be moving
And the lesson today is how to die
Then the Prussians cackle
As their cannons crackle
(And it really scares the horses you know?)
And we see no breaches
‘Cos there are no breaches
And I think it’s about to snow, snow!
Oh Oh No
6 Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like
I don’t like (Tell me why)
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like
I don’t like (Tell me why)
I don’t like Alsace
Tell me why
I don’t like Alsace
I wanna inva-a-a-a-a-ade somewhere like Spain
† Anonymous (heard coming from the French lines somewhere in Alsace)

There once was a poor subaltern,
Whose prose was a matter of some concern,
But rather than fight,
Over his ability to write,
I decided to respond in turn.
† EH

A tale of two Parisians
1 Poor little Percy tripped on his long sleeve
(Aided no doubt by the soldier on leave)
‘Wah!” cries the softy – listen, who cares
Dear little Percy starts saying his prayers.
2 Forward he comes, the tough man of the match
Knocked out his foe, he comes up to the scratch
Bloodied, unbowed, the pugilist cries
“Joy to Le Roi, Praise him to the Skies”.
† Orson de Combat