To All Loyal Men of Paris,
Come, join the country’s premier regiment, the King’s Musketeers, and ensure that France’s enemies are hunted down and dispatched. Places are still available, but please apply early to avoid any disappointment.
Generous bonuses available and help with purchasing your commission.
† B.Bdr-General The Money Goes, King’s Musketeers

Join the Royal Marines.† GI

To those newly arrived in Paris: The Cardinal’s Guard is the leading regiment in the kingdom of France. Who else has God’s own hand to protect their backs on the battlefield and to soften the occasional jump from a fair damsel’s balcony? Sign in this month! His Eminence will grant you his blessings.

Join the QOC and see the best of life.
† AG (Lt. Colonel)

Advanced warning for May
This is an official notice to all members of the Most Excellent Regiment of France, The Royal Foot Guards.
The Regiment will be will be joining our brave men on Defence duty for the month of May. This is to be seen as an opportunity for our new recruits to settle in and gain experience before the summer deployment.
Please get your affairs, monetary or otherwise, in order and be ready to march on the 1st day of May 1661 at dawn.
This is a preliminary order and it may be changed, depending on how the situation and the bribes evolve.
† Colonel Averell d’Alton
Royal Foot Guards

To the Editor of the Press
Your correspondent states that I was ‘knocked to the ground’ by a cut from Colonel Senquiry. If he had actually been present, he would have noted that what really happened was that ‘I slipped on ice and fell to the ground, losing my sword in the process and forcing me to cede the day’. A simple apology will suffice.
† GLdS

M Lessore de Saviour,
Thank you for that clarification. It is unfortunate that we have to rely on word of mouth for accounts of events such as these. In this case, we had to choose between conflicting reports, one of which stated, “that saviour fellow fell over as soon as I swung at him and cried like a baby for his mother.” As always, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.L’Editeur

My dear Revaulvin D’or – I am glad that you are able to recommend fighting his Majesty’s enemies – you have forgotten that while you were brown-nosing your way through Paris, I frequently volunteered my services to Le Roi to escape the effete Percy-Percy types that inhabit the Parisian demi-monde. I think that your memory does indeed need refreshing on the Field of Honour.
† Orson de Combat

Gentlemen of Paris SL15+ – this is your chance to join this Season’s ‘Fizz-Buzz Club’.
As a social sort of chap, I think that concerns with statutory stuff such as the Duelling Tax are best discussed man-to-man rather than sniping through the Press.
In addition, playing Fizz-Buzz will sharpen up your numerical skills – I should know, taught me a lot…
So… next month I will be at my club and expecting guests ALL MONTH. Bring your ladies and tell me your concerns: then Fizz-Buzz drinks are on me. If enough turn up, I will feel obliged to voice the concerns of Paris over the Duelling Tax to the ‘powers that be’ with a recommendation for a Review.
† Chancellor Orson de Combat

Honoured Nobles and Gentlemen of Paris
While I am pleased to attend Paris, my heart is sad to see such a lack of good French wine at the tables of the regiments and clubs.
I would like to invite all Frenchmen of good standing to attend a party at my humble club where a selection of wines from the south of France will be there for the enrichment of yourselves and your ladies.
I would be most honoured if members of the 13th Fusiliers and our brothers in arms of the 53rd would join me as my guests at my expense, their most charming ladies of Paris are of course similarly invited at my expense.
This to be held during the 3rd week of the month.
    Yours,† Johnny Sais-Passe
PS Spaniards and their dogs, the 27th regiment, are pointedly reminded that they are not gentlemen!

Sirs,
I have recently arrived back in Paris after an entertaining but profitless season at the front. I am new in town and find it difficult to broach the cliques that are already established, in our fair capital.
After spending a couple of weeks alone in the Blue Gables, I decided that I needed to gather some friends. I therefore send an open invitation to all of SL 11 or below to join me in the first week of April at the Blue Gables Club. I cannot afford to purchase drinks, but can offer good company.
    Yours,† Jacen Moulan
Private Royal Foot Guards

The Minister of Justice, Brevet Brigadier General Sir Gustav Ind, invites all members of the Royal Marines, his Aide (Michel Entire) and all gentlemen of SL 7+ (except the 69th) to carouse with him at his club during the first and second weeks of April. All costs, except gambling, will be met and your mistresses are welcome to attend.

All Officers of the armed forces are invited to a party at my club in week 1 to further discuss Brigadier-General Alan Hermès’ proposal to clean up the streets of our beloved Capital of the footpads and other scum that have become such a plague.
I suggest that the fair ladies are left at home to avoid any offence being caused due to the nature of the discussion.
† Colonel Pierre de Vin Rouge (Picardy Musketeers)

If I am still in Paris, I wish to offer all Gentlemen who are members of the Frog and Peach, or of more senior clubs, the opportunity to drink at my expense in my club in week 2.
† Aloysius Gnomeclencher

Sirs, I would hereby announce to hold an apology party next month during week 2 and 3. I missed your correspondence and best wishes and to make up for this gross breach of etiquette with lots of liquor spent on my account. I thereby invite all men of Paris, regardless of station to join me next month in my club, all expenses paid, companions welcome. Thank you.
† Renaul Baptiste Grenoble

  The ‘Fizz-Buzz Members-by-Proxy’ Club will have an inaugural mindless outing on the 4th week of next month. As I am a tender-hearted chappie and know how unpleasant it is to drag oneself up from the bottom… though I suspect Lord Percy Percy would demur. (Ha! Ha! Howzat for a joke?!)
  I have set up a ‘tab’ behind all the clubs in Paris. Make yourself known to the barman, write your name down on a list (which will be sent to me) and you can carouse on me.
† Chancellor Orson de Combat

The prize for “Most Enquiring Mind in Paris” should go to the CPS.
Has he not spent many months “Enquiring” into the malfeasance of others?  † SDL

Dear HdE,
What are you bleating on about the Duelling Tax not being legal?† ZTMG

Who is this doctor guillotine? It is well known that the inventor of this most humane instrument is one of the auld alliance, which has brought us – well, not that much, actually.† AG

Senquiry,
What a rare wit you are, as evidenced by your hilarious letter in the press. Sadly, you misunderstand me; I have no problem with gentlemen of low birth improving themselves but sadly, in your case, it has been accompanied by a bad case of self-righteous pomposity and over-bearing haughtiness which is impossible to stomach. Thankfully, this is curable and can be rectified by a daily plate of humble pie and a course of leaches applied to the nether regions.
  Yours,† Gregory

Count yourself lucky: one two three says, as fashion is tending towards the freedom to say what you want when you want, Gaston St Marquee is likely to be issuing ASBOs any day now

Dear Walter,
Let me know when you plan on visiting the Front next, as I’d be intrigued to see the 13F in action.
† Zack

Circulated at The Egon Madd Co-memorial bash
A TREATISE REGARDING THE MARRIAGE OF SCIENCE AND DUELLING
Noble Gentlemen, as a historian of chivalry and science I wish to bring to your attention the fascinating contest which occurred in the province of Limousin in the Year of Our Lord 1657, the infamous ‘Duel of The Bat’. It seems that two noted lepidopterists disagreed on the correct classification of that notorious devourer of cicadas, the Sumatran Cricket Bat. They further argued vehemently over how this voracious predator located its prey.
  Both affirmed that the bat was blind; however, this was their only consensus. M. Atain Burras argued the bat used its large ears to hear the whirring wings of its prey. M. Belle-Ami asserted it used its delicate muzzle whiskers to detect displacements of the air made by the cricket. To settle the matter, they decided to fight a duel ‘en character’.
  The day dawned on the local Champ du Mars, near the Rhone. Both combatants were blindfolded and placed two sword lengths from his rival. M. Belle-Ami wore a contraption of springs and spiracules of light foil about his face. M. Burras appended two large ear trumpets to the sides of his head. Both had taken perhaps too much of the fortifying spirits provided by their seconds.
  The duel began. They slashed ineffectually at each other, scoring more hits on the members of the Société Taxonomique, then began to wander apart, still slashing. M. Belle-Ami blundered into the lower branches of a tree. Alerted by his contraption to a supposed foe he cut so wildly that he sliced through the trunk of the tree, felling him instantly. M. Burras, befuddled by the crowd’s jovial encouragements, thought that the rattle of a passing coach was the sound of some gigantic insect, gave a loud shriek of terror and cast himself into the river where he unfortunately drowned!
  It just goes to show that you can lead a scientist beside water but you can’t make him think. Thank goodness that duels are fought for more serious reasons these days!
  Your Obedient Servant,
† Zeus Aspillais

I have come to Paris to make my fortune.
I am experienced in riding and would like to offer my services to any cavalry regiment that is looking for new recruits.
I would be honoured to accept any invitations from righteous men to parties if they feel me worthy enough.
† Dee Arth Maul (DAM)

Dear Stewart Senquiry,
Could you please provide me with the evidence that the auction of the late Egon Madd in November 1660 was in some way illegal? I assume that is what you are implying.
As I recall you were the Auctioneer at the time and, if you felt there was a problem, why did you go ahead with the auction in the first place?
  Yours,
† Zachary The Money Goes, CPS

To the CPS, or the Chancellor, or whoever,
I’m certain I need to pay something to somebody for my recent duel.
The cheque’s in the post. Could someone let me know how much, and where I send it?
  Thanks,
† Stewart Senquiry

His Majesty’s Mercy is only matched by his Justice and boundless Generosity.
Yes, it does bear repeating.

Dear Aloysius Gnomeclencher,
As it happens I do read all correspondence sent out under my name, as well as anything addressed to me. The reason for the confusion late last year was due to my secretary mixing up internal and external correspondence.
† B.Bdr-General The Money Goes, King’s Musketeers

Mon Cher Aloysius Gnomenclencher
Prinny was most amused to read your concerned note regarding his wartime reminiscences. I forgot to mention that we are both ‘addicted’ to our little “Tall-story-telling” contests! While he specialises in concocting highly imaginative military memoirs, I often regale him with highly elaborate tales of my ‘great inventions’ (flying machines, talking boxes and the like). In fact, he’d love you to join us for a “boozing and yarn-swapping session” next month. Prinny loves company and his dinners are always worth sitting down to. Please tell me which week would suit you best.
  Regards,
† Beau Romir (Aide to the Crown Prince)

Captain Gregory Lessore de Saviour, King’s Musketeers,
Do you wish to discuss something with me?!
† B.Bdr-General The Money Goes, King’s Musketeers

From the diary of Egon Madd
My finances are still in a desperate state, so I’ll just be back in Paris long enough to put a few things “on ice” and then it’s back to the Front to see if I can’t pick up some cash off the bodies I dissect. Which reminds me, I must make sure to bring some ice back with me to ensure that Igor keeps the cellar cool or things could be very smelly by the time I get back again.

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the wearing of a particularly virulent shade of pink, Alain Hermès has a particularly fashionable face.

Dear JLF,
I see you are touting for the insane to join the Cardinal’s Guard again. I guess that’s one way to keep the streets of Paris clean, by you signing up the rejects.† ZTMG