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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a postal game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
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Orders for May 1661 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive,
UXBRIDGE UB10 8UF
or the LPBS orders e-mail address
by Thursday, 20th March 2008
Game Report for April 1661
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
Dee Arth Maul may be new to Paris but he already has a duel. His adversary is Johnny Sais-Pas, who hasn’t been around that much longer. Long enough to have organised a second, though: his CO, Walter Butts is te man. Sais-Pas wields his regimental rapier while Arth Maul has no preferences and holds a foil that is almost as tall as he is. Sais-Pas is no more than average build, but he dwarfs Arth Maul. They cross swords warily: Arth Maul starts with a block; Sais-Pas with a jump. The first attack is a slash from Arth Maul. The blunt edges of the foil do no damage. Sais-Pas copies the attack, but his blade does far more damage. Arth Maul quickly concedes the fight and limps off to find a doctor.
Emboldened by this victory, Sais-Pas is quick to square up to his second opponent, Renaul Baptiste Grenoble of the CPCs. As a cavalryman, Grenoble carries a sabre, but has far less skill with it than Sais-Pas has with his rapier. Expecting a quick lunge, Grenoble jumps aside. However, Sais-Pas has opted for a furious slash. The slash is not as effective as a lunge would have been, but at least it connects. Grenoble responds with a furious slash of his own. His slash coincides with the cut from Sais-Pas and does less damage than it. However, his cut is the heftiest blow struck so far and leaves Sais-Pas at a distinct disadvantage. Sais-Pas’s superior expertise works for him now as he slashes again and then closes in on his off-balance opponent. Sais-Pas plants his boot firmly into Grenoble’s groin. The cavalryman collapses to the ground in pain. Unable to continue, Grenoble surrenders.
Indie Spencible is another small man (though not quite as petite as Dee Arth Maul) and has a contest with Pierre de Vin Rouge due to their clash over Frances Forrin. The mis-match in size is less, but de Vin Rouge has the support of a junior officer in his regiment, Jacques de la Boite, as his second. Both men use rapiers and parry against non-existent lunges. De Vin Rouge tries a slash, which would have worked had Spencible not jumped out of its way. However, a lunge hits its target while Spencible is still regaining his balance. Spencible inspects his wound and then offers his surrender, which is accepted immediately.
His injury does not prevent Spencible from meeting his second opponent, the un-noble Stewart Senquiry, but it gives the delicate Senquiry a distinct advantage. Senquiry brings his sabre and his second, Zeus Aspillais, to the fight. However, the lunge is the attack of choice for both duellists. The rapier does more damage, though, and it is Senquiry who gives up. Spencible accepts his surrender with some surprise.
The next match features Dominique L’Etoile versus Jean-Pierre le Crow. Both men have rapiers and L’Etoile is seconded by Michel Entire. They are fairly evenly matched. Both start with a furious lunge, lunging and cutting – and surrendering – at the same time. We’ll call that a score-draw, then.
The long-running antagonism between the Dragoon Guards and Queen’s Own Carabiniers surfaces for the first time in a while as Swender de Jewel takes on Aloysius Gnomeclencher. Once again, we have two slightly-built men facing each other. De Jewel is the smaller of the two and thus at some disadvantage. Both men are tentative. They block, they dodge. Then both decide to attack and slash at each other. The two sabres strike home, but only de Jewel has had enough. He concedes the duel, leaving the field to the QOCs.
Walter Butts re-appears for his own duel and is backed by his ex-commander, Zachary The Money Goes. His opponent is Alain Hermès, who is much beefier than the slender Butts. The rapier is the weapon of choice and Hermès takes the opportunity to strike quickly. A furious lunge brings him first blood immediately and his adversary’s capitulation quickly afterwards.
Not much change
Hermès’s next job is helping Pierre de Vin Rouge to get rid of his pesky Regimental Adjutant. Jacques de la Boite joins in as well and the threesome quickly prevails. The Picardy Musketeers remain without an Adjutant as de Vin Rouge doesn’t appoint one (he’s too busy re-organising his loans). However, Michel Entire makes sure of the second spot in the regiment by buying himself the rank of Lieutenant-Colonel. There are no changes in higher commands as Charlemagne le Gosse keeps the Second Army headquarters empty. The Royal Foot Guards gain a new recruit: Averell d’Alton signs up Jon de Pull, who buys himself a Captaincy.
Colonel Jean Laissez Faire decides that the Frontier troops need extra support and gives the Cardinal’s Guard their marching orders. Roget de Saurus and Stewart Senquiry volunteer their selves for Frontier service, just ahead of the debt collectors.
Gamble and quarrel
The social event of the month is hosted by Gustav Ind. Gustav and Jacky Tinne are ‘at home’ in the Fleur de Lys for the first half of the month and they are joined by a large proportion of Paris. First to arrive are the ever-keen Aloysius Gnomeclencher and Deb Estaround. They are quickly followed by Alain Hermès and Ava Crisp. Benedict d’Over and Ophelia Derriere arrive next. The Minister of State follows: Gaston de St Marque with Bette Noire on his arm. Indie Spencible arrives on his own. Pet Ulante accompanies Jacques de la Boite. Renauld Culvert d’Eau brings Jenny Russe. Lucy Fur enters on the arm of Swender de Jewel, only for him to abandon her to engage in an exchange of insults with his regimental enemy, Aloysius. Walter Butts takes Eve Ningalle through the gathering to the gaming tables. He wagers 250 Crowns in a single bet and wins. His celebration attracts the attention of Alain, who takes exception to the commander of the 13th Fusiliers. Alain is, of course, leader of the 27th Musketeers and the two regiments have some history. An exchange of challenges is required to settle the matter. Emma Roides and Zeus Aspillais, the last to arrive, are not sorry to have missed these scenes.
The Toadying continues into a second week with a few changes to the guest list. Aloysius heads for Hunter’s to host his own do and Gaston is now the guest of Orson de Combat (before practising with his rapier for two weeks). In their place are Pierre de Vin Rouge and Mary Huana and Michel Entire and Freda de Ath. Intriguingly, Alain has left Ava at home this week. Over in Hunter’s, Aloysius and Deb welcome Dee Arth Maul, Jean-Pierre le Crow and Johnny Sais-Pas and Marie Antoinette. The chain continues as Johnny is host in week 3. He and Marie are at the Frog & Peach, where they are joined by Michel Entire and Walter Butts and Eve. Michel takes the opportunity to tell Johnny that “calling Musketeers ‘dogs of the Spanish’ (Chihuahuas, presumably) is downright uncivilised.” The Frog & Peach is Johnny and Marie’s haunt for the rest of the month, with Johnny winning a few 50 Crown bets to conclude his month.
The bigger event in the third week is Renaul Baptiste Grenoble’s party at the Blue Gables. His Toadies start with Alain Hermès, Dee Arth Maul and Giles Etraseur. Jacques de la Boite brings Pet along, while Jean-Pierre le Crow is on his own. Mary attends with Pierre de Vin Rouge and Renaul Culvert d’Eau has Jenny on his arm. This is a much larger turn out than the previous week of Renaul’s party: just Giles. The rest of Renaul’s month involves a week’s practice with his rapier and some female company at the Bawdyhouses.
Drinking games
Back at the Fleur, Orson de Combat attracts a few people to play Fizz-Buzz. Fifi accompanies Orson, but declines to take part in the drinking games. Euria Humble brings Edna Bucquette along, but they won’t drink either, despite being there all month. Averell d’Alton and Guinevere d’Arthur attend for the whole month, too. Averell’s grasp of numbers isn’t good at the best of times and adding Fizz and Buzz confuses him completely: “un, Fizz, deux, Buzz…” he tries before being shouted down. Jacques Shitacks concentrates furiously and has the game off pat by the second week. Only when he doesn’t get much to drink in week 3 does he realise that the point is not to get it ruthlessly right. He has a much more relaxed final week. Zachary The Money Goes and Anna Rexique attend for two weeks. Zack keeps taking notes of people’s “concerns”, but finds they are either illegible or incomprehensible (“society needs more Fizzes…”) after the event. Gaston de St Marque and Bette join the raucous party in week 2, but Gaston soon realises that participation is not compatible with the dignity of his position in society. Not that he can pronounce any of these words after playing Fizz-Buzz… Dominique L’Etoile visits the Fleur in the fourth week, but gets no further than the foyer as he doesn’t meet Orson’s criteria for guests. He even misses out on Orson’s “Fizz-Buzz by proxy” when members’ drinks in Paris’s clubs are charged to the Chancellor’s pocket.
Devlin Carnate and Angelina di Griz take a table at the Fleur for the second half of the month (Devlin spent the first half with his rapier). They are joined by Gustav Ind and Jacky for both weeks. Beau Romir is in the club with Frances Forrin all month: three weeks as a member and one as the guest of the Crown Prince. Aloysius Gnomeclencher tries to Toady to Prinny in week 3, but is rebuffed immediately. This leaves Stan Dandy Liver and Lotte Bottle as the other visitors in the Fleur all month.
There is one other party when Pierre de Vin Rouge sponsors a discussion of how to remove the footpads from Paris’s streets. The venue is Hunter’s and the debaters are Dominique L’Etoile, Jean-Pierre le Crow and Michel Entire (who insists on singing the regimental song). After two weeks at parties, Pierre returns to Hunter’s to complete April, this time with the company of Mary.
After taking Lois de Lowe to the Fleur for a week, Charlemagne le GosseUnterH practises rapier for three. Horatio d’Escargot takes Henrietta to Bothwell’s for most of the month, slipping away for the last week to pick up a Two-handed sword. Bess Ottede and Lun a’Tic stop in Bothwell’s all month. This is also where Benedict d’Over and Ophelia can be found once they’ve finished partying. After his visit to the red light district and some female company, Jon de Pull gives the staff at Hunter’s something to do. The Horse Guards club has the presence of Swender de Jewel and Lucy Fur after Gustav’s party. And Blue Gables is the venue for Michel Entire, Jacques de la Boite and Pet and Renaul Culvert d’Eau and Jenny at the end of the month.
Giles Etraseur makes certain of getting his oats by visiting the Bawdyhouses first thing in April. He isn’t too inconvenienced, then, when he meets Jean-Pierre le Crow on Belle Epoque’s doorstep at the end of the month. The same can’t be said about Jean-Pierre, who’s been partying all month. Dominique L’Etoile is another visitor to the Bawdyhouses. In this case, after he’s been rejected by a certain lady. The red light district’s last visitor is Dee Arth Maul. He’s another party-goer, though trying to Toady to Jacen Moulan was not a good way to start the month (given he was already on the frontiers). At least Ilk Lamore Bartat has a mistress to visit, but his attempts to take her for a drink fail: he’s not a member of any club and she certainly won’t join him at the Bawdyhouses!
Zeus Aspillais concludes his month with his sabre, practising for two weeks. Several other Parisians join him in the gymnasiums for the last week: Alain Hermès and Walter Butts with rapier and Aloysius Gnomeclencher with sabre. Meanwhile CPS Zachary The Money Goes is in his offices ‘consulting’ with a swarthy, bearded character, who was escorted into Paris by the Commission’s officers.
Square bashing
Most of the French troops on the frontiers are licking their wounds after last month’s calamities. This is not true of the Royal North Highlanders, though, who rest on their laurels. General Revaulvin d’Or takes the opportunity to drill his men thoroughly, bringing him two Mentions in Despatches and a few hundred Crowns in fines from those who don’t measure up. RM Lt-Col Beau de Cire is also attached to the RNHB, but welcomes a quiet month. This allows Frontier regiment 1 to show that it can get things right, seeing off a reconnaissance in force from Dutch forces. CPC Colonel Stewart Senquiry, attached to the regiment, busies himself cleaning up the field of battle. This brings him 700 crowns worth of booty and a small Mention.
Further south, Frontier regiment 2 and the QOCs are attacked by a Spanish force. The Carabiniers do no more than hold their own, but this is enough for Roland Pollee d’Eaulee to be Mentioned (“I see d’Eaulee’s holding his own…”) and collect a hundred crowns. Captain J’accuse L’amour is brevetted to Major and buys the two horses he needs for his new rank. The Frontier troops win the day with a dashing charge, but this is not without casualties. KM Major Gregory Lessore de Saviour, attached to the regiment, is one of those who fall beneath the enemy pikes. RIP.
Herve d’Conde’s squadron of the Dragoon Guards is attached to Frontier regiment 2 and spearheads the attack. Major d’Conde is promoted to Lt-Colonel and Mentioned in Despatches. Trooper Jean Paul Amiss is brevetted to Subaltern.
On guard
In the foothills of the Alps, Frontier regiment 3 is bolstered by a battalion of the Royal Foot Guards. The rest of the Cardinal’s Guard arrives to join the battalion that was there last month. The CGs want to show the Frontier troops how it’s done, so Colonel Jean Laissez Faire leads them off, looking for a fight. Unfortunately, he marches the regiment under the guns of a Spanish fort and they retire in some disarray. Laissez Faire is promoted to (brevet) Brigadier-General despite this. There is a Mention in Despatches for Lt-Colonel Leffe Bier, who is unfazed by his experiences.
The Frontier troops pass a quiet month, but Alan à Ganatcher Alie is disciplined after he is found hiding in his tent to avoid and chance of being marched off with the Cardinal’s men. Major Egon Mad 2’s battalion of the Royal Foot Guards put on a fine display of drill in an effort to impress any enemy scouts watching. Major Mad gains a Mention in Despatches and a couple of hundred Crowns in prize money. There’s just a hundred crowns for Captain Emmanuel Banois, who is also Mentioned in Despatches. Private Jacen Moulan is brevetted a Subaltern.
The Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers try to recover from last month’s losses, but the regiment is rather under strength. Frontier regiment 4 is detailed to recover material from last month’s flood. This keeps them busy and RFG Major Roget de Saurus, attached to the Frontier troops, picks up some two hundred crowns of loot for himself.