Applications Invited:
Applications are invited for the position of Regimental Adjutant of the Picardy Musketeers due to the original choice promoting himself out of eligibility!
Please reply to Pierre de Vin Rouge, Colonel, Picardy Musketeers, thank you.

The Dragoon Guards are looking for new recruits,
Sign up today for Glory, Cash and Honour.
All enquiries to my box.
† Colonel Herve d'Conde

To those newly arrived in Paris:
The Cardinal's Guard is the leading regiment in the kingdom of France. Who else has God's own hand to protect their backs on the battlefield (just read the dispatches...) and to soften the occasional jump from a fair damsel's balcony? The Cardinal Escort [sic] is needing new members - from Privates to a Captain. Consider your choices well and apply today!
His Eminence will grant you his blessings.

To all suitable officers of France.
I am in need of an Aide for myself and QMQ for Third Army (the present incumbents are not so good and I can help to show them the door).
Please apply direct to the undersigned.
† General Shitacks

Sirs, I see that there is a lack of pomp and ceremony in this City. I have yet to hear or see the King's Musketeers or His Majesty's Guards parade through the city in ceremony.
I shall be taking a turn in the third week of the month to parade through the city with the men under my command.
I invite all persons of rank in the city to contribute and attend as well to show the dastardly Spaniards that they may never insult our King, or befoul our streets.
        Vive Le Roi!

While we appreciate the sentiment, we should point out that we expect our troops to be in action next month, not slouching around the streets of Paris!† Le Roi

To All Loyal Men of Paris,
Come, join the country's premier regiment, the King's Musketeers, and ensure that France's enemies are hunted down and dispatched. Places are still available, but please apply early to avoid any disappointment.
Generous bonuses available and help with purchasing your commission.
† B.Bdr-General The Money Goes, King's Musketeers

All gentlemen are invited to enter a duelling contest to be held in September at my Club. Entries must be received before the armies depart to the front so that a draw can be made. The competition shall be scheduled for the 4th week in September and will cost 100 crowns per entrant. The winner will receive 70% of all the entry monies, while the defeated finalist will claim 30%. it will be playing out over the best of three 'touches' -- with padding and blunted swords to keep actual damage to a minimum. All entries included in your next orders please. † GI

I have mailed a number of gentlemen to invite them to Bellringers and Boozing club meeting at my Club. Roland Toussaint has declined already, but I am hopeful a few of the others make it.
† QLB

        MEGA PRIZE PARTY-QUIZ
WIN A CHANCE TO MEET THE CROWN PRINCE!
The fun just goes on and on! You were wowed by the "Meet-the-Prince Darts Tournament", thrilled by the "Grand Tiddlywinks Tournament", now stretch your minds in the the Mega Prize Party-quiz during weeks 1-3 of June (+ chance to party) at my club. Show that your wits are as sharp as your swords! This party-quiz is open to all of SL 14+ and is free. There will be three separate party-quizzes, one per week , and you can have a go EACH WEEK if you want (i.e. the more weeks you come the more chance you have to win!).
The player with the highest single-week score will be invited to join me for a special PRIVATE DINNER with the CROWN PRINCE (SL 25) during week 4 (make it a conditional order - "if I win..." etc).
† Beau Romir (Aide to the Crown Prince)

Oh dear: another man who doesn't realise he will be on active service next month.
† Le Roi

The Cardinal's Guard helps the needy!
Several privates of the Cardinal's Guard were seen last month offering cart loads of Emmental cheese to the poorest citizens of Paris. We caught up with them as they were crossing paths with a funeral procession:
"We call this the 'de Saviour memorial cheese handout'" one of them said before offering us a hole-filled cheese bit. We saw them heading off down Red Phillips way, to celebrate, no doubt, another good deed done.

ILB
It is traditional, not to say manly, to stand all of your brother officers a drink when joining a Regiment. Anyway, what sort of Regiment needs to offer bribes to get recruits? And what sort of true-blooded Frenchman eager to serve his Majesty requires a bribe to call him to his duty?
† Aloysius Gnomeclencher

Major Johnny Sais-Pas,
You spare the man's blushes. Grenoble is known among the fair ladies of Paris for trying to use the self-same socks as a contraceptive. If only his performance were enough to require the use of such precautions.
† Le Bladder Rouge

Colonel Senquiry,
The new machines (codenamed, as you suggested, VATS for Vehicular Assistance To Stallions) have met an unexpected setback. The prototypes were sent off on a troopship, but the crew broke into the crates, expecting to find something drinkable. Incensed at finding merely a war-winning secret weapon, they threw it all overboard. Rest assured, however, that I am accompanying the Mark 2 (floatable) version to the front myself this month. French horses will indeed press on -'through mud and manure to the green fields beyond'.
† Lt-Col Entire

I don't think it was building a wall with our men that really upset Igor's commander, but the use of soft rubbers and quinted returns.
† AG

Can anybody translate this?
† Le Roi

In a bid to aide Michel Entire in his quest for the advancement of the military using scientific methods I attempted to add to the firepower of the French cavalry by the judicious attachment of muskets to the saddle and the addition of a series of firing aids (for the technically minded: 'pieces of string') to enable a volley to accompany the riders' cavalry charge. Sadly the resultant discharge was found to have a negative effect on the horses' disposition, so I would not advise its adoption unless your mount is already deaf or you have great skill at landing after forcibly leaving a fast-moving animal.† JdlB

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the wearing of pink shirts, Beau Romir is extremely fashionable.

Don't you get smoke without fire by rubbing two boy scouts together?† AG

"Boy" scouts?! That's no job for a boy, sir!† Le Roi

Primus: "When Egon Madd said 'Join the army, it'll make you a man', I thought he was being rhetorical."
Secondus: "Brains..."

I'd like to congratulate my companion, Lt. Col. Bier, publicly for his Mention in Dispatches last month and for his overall conduct leading the CG's first battalion at the front.
† Brigadier-General (brevet) Laissez Faire

Cher Swender de Jewel
I hope that you weren't too badly hurt in our little course of honour.
I have take the liberty of sending a man round with a dozen [bottles of] fine port for your health.
† Aloysius Gnomeclencher

A Poem entitled The Women In My Life
Firstly there is Ada, so beautiful and bright.
Then there is my Rapier, so strong yet feels so light
Thirdly theres my country, for which I'd give me life.
Finally theres my horse, which I bang like a wife.
Neigh!!!! It's lonely sometimes.