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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a postal game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
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Game Report for June 1661
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
The beginning of June sees Paris all a-bustle as the troops prepare to leave town for the summer campaign. There’s still time for the odd matter of honour to be settled, though. The odd duellists are Stewart Senquiry and Pierre de Vin Rouge. De Vin Rouge is not a big man, but he looks like he is when pitted against the slight figure of Senquiry. Zeus Aspillais seconds Senquiry and hands him his sabre. De Vin Rouge takes his rapier from his second, Jacques de la Boite, and crosses blades with his opponent. Both men lunge, the rapier being more effective. De Vin Rouge parries to prevent another lunge. Senquiry hits him with a slash, which does a lot more damage. That’s enough for de Vin Rouge: he surrenders.
We won’t go!
There’s just time for some last minute adjustments to military organisation as the armies mobilise. PLLD Major Quasi Le Bossu uses his influence to persuade the Dragoon Brigade Major to resign so that he can have the job. He fails, not least as he was opposed by QOC Lieutenant-Colonel Aloysius Gnomeclencher. Gnomeclencher’s own target for resignation is the Horse Guards Brigadier. He is backed up by his regimental colleague, Roland Pollee d’Eaulee, and an enemy, Swender de Jewel. This fails too, leaving Pollee d’Eaulee unable to take command of the Brigade. Brigadier-General Gustav Ind is looking for a job. His first move is to call in a favour to displace Third Army’s Quartermaster-General. He fails. However, General Charlemagne le Gosse appoints him Second Army’s QMG, preferring Ind to the other applicant, Alain Hermès. Ind’s Aide, Michel Entire, promptly quits “in disgust”, to command 1st Battalion of the PMs. As if that wasn’t enough, resigning his Ministerial post means Ind no longer qualifies for membership of the Fleur de Lys. Not that that will be an issue for a few months. Finally, Lt-General Gar de Lieu tries to remove the Cavalry Division commander, but fails as well.
New arrival Anton Villanova applies to the 69th Arquebusiers. He chooses the rank of Private and struggles into his new uniform. For some reason he doesn’t expect to be sent into action. Jacques de Gain tries first for the Cardinal’s Guard, but is turned down by commander Jean Laissez-Faire. He moves on to their enemy regiment, the King’s Musketeers, where Zachary The Money Goes welcomes him. The new Private de Gain prepares for his first month on campaign.
Brigadier-General Herve d’Conde, commander of the Dragoon Guards, looks to improve his regiment’s chances on the battlefield by appointing the best-qualified Captain as Adjutant. He doesn’t need an Aide, though, and leaves this job vacant. Other Regimental Adjutants and the Brigade Major of 2nd Foot are chosen by default from the available candidates. Benedict d’Over is already the King’s Musketeers Regimental Adjutant and seems bemused that he has to accompany the regiment into the field. The same occurs to RFG Subaltern Jacen Moulan and Gascon Subaltern Roland Toussaint with their respective regiments. Meanwhile Bdr-General Orson de Combat is keen to get into the thick of things and volunteers to join the Frontier regiments. Major Johnny Sais-Pas has two parting shots. He dumps Marie Antoinette, but makes sure that the 13th Fusiliers’ flag continues to fly over their barracks as the regiment marches out.
Left in Paris
There are still a few socialites in Paris, even if none of the regiments is. Field Marshal Sean Sondamour and Ella Fant spend June in the Fleur de Lys, which the Field Marshal considers his headquarters during the campaign. They are the club’s only occupants. At the other end of the social scale, Red Phillips is relatively busy. Ada Andabettoir has a week out with Ilk Lamore Bartat before Ilk retires to practise rapier for the rest of the month. Giles Etraseur brings Josephine Buonaparte to Red Phillips for two weeks, followed by two weeks of rapier practice. Rob Anybody de Mac Feegle rolls up in week 2 to show off his new conquest, Sal Munella. The two of them occupy the club for the second half of June.
Dee Arth Maul tries to take advantage of the absence of so many men by doing the rounds of the ladies. Tragically, he runs out of cash after his first, abortive, courting attempt. Things are simpler for Minister of State Gaston de St Marque and Minister of War Stan Dandy Liver. They pass their month practising: Gaston with rapier and Stan with Cutlass. For light relief, Gaston adds to his investments in Arms.
Divide and conquer
The three Armies march off to fulfil Minister Liver’s great plan for this campaign. First Army (alias the Guards) heads southeast to hold the border against the Savoyards. Third Army (the cavalry) heads north and east to conduct Field Operations against Spanish forces in the Netherlands (Cavalry Division) and Franche Comté (Dragoon Brigade). The bulk of the infantry heads southwest to push the border between France and Spain back into the Pyrenees. Given the French army’s recent history in this area, the troops view this with some trepidation.
Grand Duke Max’s Dragoons get into a tangle taking on some Spanish infantry. Well-aimed volleys disrupt the horsemen before they can form up and they retreat in disarray. However, it’s an ill wind etc. Major Ferdinand Franz survives having his horse shot out from under him. A brevet promotion to Lieutenant-Colonel is his reward. He collects a few hundred crowns in loot as well.
In contrast, the Princess Louisa Light Dragoons make a disciplined attack when they meet the enemy. Regimental commander Devlin Carnate orders his men to charge and they drive the Spanish from the field. There are two Mentions in Despatches for Bdr-General Carnate, who picks up a round thousand crowns from the spoils. Major Quasi Le Bossu acquits himself well, but his share of the takings come to less than half that.
Going Dutch
Further north, the Heavy Brigade also runs into Spanish forces. Both regiments are victorious. As acting commander of the Crown Prince Cuirassiers, Lt-Colonel Renaul Baptiste Grenoble does a good job without putting himself in any personal danger. His posture on horseback is particularly good. This brings him two Mentions and over a thousand crowns in loot. Brigadier Horatio d’Escargot is promoted to full Brigadier-General and collects over five hundred crowns for himself. There is a single Mention for Brigade Major Zeus Aspillais.
Horse Guards Brigade has a mixed month. The Queen’s Own Carabiniers find the wooded terrain awkward and cannot get the upper hand in their running skirmishes with the Spanish cavalry stationed on the border. Major J’accuse L’amour is furious at receiving a ‘Dear John’ letter from Sal Munella and recklessly puts himself in harm’s way. Two Mentions bring him a Knighthood and he pockets three hundred crowns. QOC commander Roland Pollee d’Eaulee maintains a low profile, but his efficiency is rewarded with command of the Horse Guards Brigade. 150 crowns comes his way as well. The unfortunate demise of the Horse Guards Brigadier has no impact on Brigade Major Aloysius Gnomeclencher (sometime Major in the QOCs), but he has no impact on the campaign either.
The Dragoon Guards, on the other hand, rout the enemy forces they run into. Bdr-General Herve d’Conde gains a Knighthood as a result. He is Mentioned in Despatches, too, and adds some three hundred crowns to his personal war chest. Lt-Colonel Swender de Jewel takes nearly five hundred crowns as his share of the fruits of war. He sends instructions back to Paris for his staff to recruit some foreigners off the streets and have them sample the port sent by Aloysius Gnomeclencher. He calls this process “Foreign sick testing”. The question is whether he will apply this to the bottles of cognac Gnomeclencher has now sent. Subaltern Jean Paul Amiss collects the same amount as his CO – a useful introduction to campaign life.
The Third Army commander, (brevet) General Jacques Shitacks, is promoted to full General and Mentioned in Despatches. He takes time to grab four hundred crowns of booty. CPC Colonel Stewart Senquiry takes time away from headquarters with each of the cavalry Brigades. His personal bravery gains him a Mention in Despatches. And allows him to accumulate almost a thousand crowns of plunder.
On Guard
The Guards settle in to their defensive positions along the Savoy border. General Revaulvin d’Or, First Army commander, makes the most of his position. He is promoted to full General, Mentioned and made a Viscount. His share of the booty is just two hundred crowns, but it’s a good start.
The King’s Musketeers find themselves a comfortable billet and start requisitioning supplies. Lt-Colonel Benedict d’Over proves an adept quartermaster, which gets his name into the Despatches. His commission comes to a hundred crowns. Colonel Zachary the Money Goes and Private Jacques de Gain do quite nicely, thank you. By contrast, the Cardinal’s Guard sets regular patrols and gets involved in a series of skirmishes. The Cardinal’s men come out clear winners, but the only reward for their commander, Bdr-General Jean Laissez Faire, is a couple of hundred crowns or so.
The Royal Foot Guards take prime position on the border. Their skirmishes are inconclusive, but provide an opportunity for members of the regiment to gains a little booty. Bdr-General Averell d’Alton is Mentioned twice and Knighted. A couple of hundred crowns come his way as well. There is a Knighthood, too, for Major Roget de Saurus, who has quit as Guards Brigade Major to command a Battalion. There is a Mention in Despatches for his fellow Major, Egon Mad 2, who picks up 150 crowns. Captain Indie Spencible grabs twice as much loot. So does senior Captain Beau Romir, who is also Mentioned. An Earldom comes his way as well – it seems being Aide to the Crown Prince has its uses. Subaltern Jacen Moulan survives unscathed.
In the Pyrenees
The real action is in the southwest where Second Army is in full assault mode. The Frontier Division is in the centre and does better than expected. All the Frontier regiments hold their own and the Frontier Regiment 3 breaks through the enemy lines. Well, all the regiment except Alan à Ganatcher Alie, who is still hiding in his tent and suffers further disciplinary action. This seems to be catching as Lt-General Euria Humble, attached to Frontier regiment 2, refuses to attack with the rest of the regiment and is disciplined. Bdr-General Orson de Combat is made of sterner stuff and gets stuck in with frontier regiment 4. He acquires a thousand crowns. The Royal North Highlanders exploit the success of Frontier regiment 3 with Lt-General Gar de Lieu leading a Battalion. He goes into the Despatches and collects nearly 1500 crowns in loot. Lt-Gen de Lieu takes over as Frontier Division commander.
Second Division takes the right flank and has some success. And some failures. Notably the 27th Musketeers, who are caught under Spanish guns. Amongst the first to fall is the regimental commander, Bdr-General Alain Hermès. RIP. The Gascons also come under fire from the Spanish artillery, but hold firm despite taking casualties. Chief of these is Major Jean-Pierre le Crow, who is swept from his horse by a cannonball. RIP. Subaltern Roland Toussaint ducks under the bouncing cannonball and survives to be promoted to Captain. The success of the Division is the 69th Arquebusiers, whose weaponry proves the equal of the enemy. Private Anton Villanova survives his first, hectic taste of action to win a Mention in Despatches (“Villanova? Are you sure he’s French”). The success of the regiment means plenty of plunder: two and a half grand’s worth for Private Villanova.
The left flank is First Division where RFG Lt-Colonel Lun a’Tic survives happily as Divisional Adjutant. Second Foot Brigade has mixed results. The 13th Fusiliers take a mauling that sees the demise of the regiment’s commander, Colonel Walter Butts. RIP. Lt-Colonel Johnny Sais-Pas inherits command, but gets no reward. In contrast, the 53rd Fusiliers push the enemy back.
Both regiments of First Foot Brigade hold their own. Bdr-General Gustav Ind commands the Royal Marines, since his job as Army QMG doesn’t involve active service. He is Mentioned twice in Despatches and adds over fifteen hundred crowns to his stash. Lt-Colonel Beau de Cire commands First Battalion and insists on leading his men into action. He is met by a musketball coming the other way. RIP. Good news for the new Major, Renauld Culvert d’Eau, though, as he is promoted into the sudden vacancy at Lt-Colonel. He is also Mentioned in Despatches and bags over fifteen hundred crowns of booty.
Colonel Pierre de Vin Rouge leads the Picardy Musketeers and is Mentioned in Despatches and promoted to Bdr-General. His take is over fifteen hundred crowns. Lt-Colonel Michel Entire liberates a few hundred crowns less, but still gets his name into the Despatches. The position in the line where Major Dominique L’Etoile should be is obliterated by a Spanish cannonball. The Major survives by the simple expedient of not being there. His absence of bravery will not do his social status any good. There are two Mentions for Captain Jacques de la Boite whose plundering brings in almost fifteen hundred crowns.
Brevet General Charlemagne le Gosse, commanding Second Army, gains his full rank and receives a Mention in Despatches. He makes the most of the loot, acquiring over fifteen hundred crowns himself.