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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for May 1672

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

THE KING'S MUSKETEERS ARE SEEKING RECRUITS
The ranks of the King's Musketeers are always open to fine physical specimens likely to be a credit to the regiment and our recruiting sergeant has a standing order to accept such gentlemen as a matter of course.
Overtures from gentlemen desirous of joining the regiment, but who are prevented by financial embarrassment from doing so, can expect a favourable response from the Regimental Commander.
[Gentlemen of EC4+ and sufficient SL (6+) will get automatic entry into the KM. DdE is happy to extend loans to those requiring them.]

I believe that the General commanding the 2nd Army should resign forthwith. Eschewing false modesty, I believe I am best qualified to command 2nd Army in the summer campaign, and will be seeking that position. † UXB

CANDIDATES SOUGHT FOR MINISTERIAL POSITIONS
Count Duncan d'Eauneurts, His Majesty's Minister of State, would welcome applications from appropriate individuals for the positions of Commissioner of Public Safety, Minister of Justice and Minister without Portfolio.
Interested parties should contact the Minister of State privately.
† Comte Duncan d'Eauneurts

Matters of Honour

My dear Count d'Eaunerts, I would be happy to serve you and the government of France in any capacity except that of offering up my amoureuse for your attentions. Really, you ask too much and have gone too far. To that end, while I have no ill will toward you, honour demands that you provide me with satisfaction since you could not do so for the lovely Lotta.

To all
Whereas I consider the use of a 2-handed weapon in duelling not to be a gentlemanly tactic, I nevertheless feel the need to be familiar with it should the situation arise.

Military Missives

Serge, please accept my humble apologies for overlooking your request to join the Royal Marines. I gladly grant your request if you are still interested, my hormones during courting overwhelmed my brain cells and hope you forgive me for this oversight.
    Cordially yours,
† Robert d'Lancier

Personal

To: Baron Henri Dubois
Mon cher Baron, word reaches me of your extreme generosity. Alas, I am a man of current poor means, but big dreams! Destiny has called upon me to assume the title of Commissioner of Public Safety, to wield the sword of justice against the criminal elements within our society and to protect the righteous. To secure the good office I could do with a few crowns and I thus respectfully make a personal plea to you that if you're able to find your way to sparing me a fine purse then I will ensure this is repaid in the future and to make sure that, once I am in office, you will rise with me and be guaranteed the protection of the law.
† Captain Tarquin le Hatter
King's Musketeers
CPS in waiting...

To undisclosed recipients
Gentlemen,
As I was very lucky winning the horse race last month, I wish to share my good fortune, so find enclosed a gift of 500 Crowns each which I know will be of great use to you.
† Earl Chris Knight - Brevet Brigadier-General of the Crown Prince Cuirassiers

My Lord Commander
That is a generous gift and I thank you for your largesse. That said, I was unsurprised to see you take the victory. I've seen you in battle and it seems only fitting, providence even, that the commander of the Crown Prince's Own regiment secures victory in our benefactor's race. As was the pitiful performance of the 53rd. It was almost as if they didn't know how to ride. Perhaps they are so used to riding away from battle that they found it strange to be surrounded by soldiers of courage and valour.
    Yours in honour,
† Sir Ben e'Volence, Lt Colonel of the Crown Prince Cuirassiers

 

Brigadier-General le Comte Duncan d'Eauneurts, His Majesty's Minister of State, to
The Bereaved Families of Messieurs Horace Bury and Ruman Coake,
Greetings
Mesdames et Messieurs,
It is a mystery to me why Horace and Ruman, unlike Monsieur Thyme, failed to tender a surrender at our recent meetings. Needless to say that had they done so they would still have been with us today. I deeply regret their inexplicable negligence and the fatal consequences which arose as a result.
    Please accept my sincere condolences,
† Comte Duncan d'Eauneurts

To: Count Duncan d'Eaunerts, Minister of State, Bdr General, Commanding Officer King's Musketeers, All round good egg
Sire,
I can't help but notice that the post of Commissioner of Public Safety is soon to be vacant. May I suggest myself for the post? Now I appreciate that I fail to meet some of the piffling criteria for the role BUT surely you can 'pull a few strings' for your fellow Musketeer and loyal compatriot as I would be ideally suited to the job! Paris is currently awash with villains, traitors, demons, ghouls, witches, warlocks, werewolves, vampires and Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I have learnt, on good authority, that several CPS's have sought to tackle this issue, but were thwarted by traitors who outrageously scuppered their attempts to restore Paris to normality.
Allow me, dear Count, to step into the breach and rid us of danger. As luck would have it, I have come into possession of a number of documents previously belonging to the late Commissioner Fluff-Bunny and what a read they make! Armed with this knowledge I can strike immediately and simply need your blessing to begin...
† Captain le Hatter
KM

 

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

1 I'm all about duelling...
But who am I fooling?
I fight to first blood,
To keep honour from mud,
I'm lover not fighter,
Well ... a bit of a biter,
But war's not my thing,
I just love the looting.
2 Versus foes regimental
I'm quite experimental.
It takes two to tangle,
But if I find the right angle
It'll be a slam Duncan
And there'll be no-one who can
Say that d'Eauneurts
Is the master of hurts.
† NdB

The 4th Arquebusiers stand,
One end of the match in each hand,
Trying hard to reload
Their huge weapons outmode;
It's time that these relics were canned.
† Le Salame Disparu

"The Bloody First of May"
Nine and Twenty duels this day.
Loves Lost and Love Stolen
Honour demands
Satisfaction
But there's not blood enough
to fill the hole in Doughnuts.
As wounds heal all Thyme.