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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for May 1673

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

There are positions available within France's premier regiment for suitable candidates. Financial assistance available. Come and join us at the front.
† Beau Reese Jean Seine, CO RFG

Social

I will be holding a meeting at my club in week 2 to discuss all future societal problems and solutions, all are welcome.
    Sincere Regards, † Monsieur Nouveau W Odeur

Shame that he's now GDMD Captain Nouveau W Order as the summer campaign starts. † Le Roi

The next meeting of the Young Gentlemen of Paris will be after the Summer Campaign season. Date and venue to be decided. I wish you Bon Voyage and hope to see you (and me) where we can share tales of how we put the Dastardly Dutch to flight, laugh at the ineptitude of the Dragoon Guards and remember our own fallen.
    Bonne Chance Mes Amis, † Petit, current Chair of YGoP

*********** MIDSUMMER BALL WEEK 3 JUNE **********
Ladies and Gentlemen of Paris, you are cordially invited to a Midsummer Ball in Week 3. Please use Monsieur Shakespeare's play as your inspiration and dress accordingly. Prizes will be given for the best costumes. All Gentlemen of social levels 8 and above are welcome. If you are a lower social level and wish to attend, please contact me first to make arrangements.
† Xavier Money

Military Missives

B Bdr Gen Zavier Ulric Turenne,
Sir, having served with honour in the frontier regiment and been mentioned in dispatches for bravery, I would be honoured if you would accept me initially as a private in the Picardy Musketeers.
I would, however, like to have the opportunity to enjoy the delights of Paris for May and enjoy the sights, sounds and entertainment that our great city has to offer. Would it be possible to be excused regimental duties having already spent 5 months at the front and reached officer rank?
    Yours,
† Hubert Silvestre
Subaltern, Frontier Regiment 4

Subaltern Silvestre,
I welcome your application to our Fighting Regiment with great enthusiasm!
The Picardy Musketeers isn't a Gilded Nursery and your boots and sword hilt are telling of hard and purposeful use in the King's Service.
Do let me know when you consider further advancement, I will recommend my Sellier to you.
† B.BG Turenne, Colonel, PM

Personal

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is turning to the weak and ineffectual, Tarquin le Hatter is very fashionable.

I stand down this month as Commissioner of Public Safety and Minister of Justice. I know all will agree that Paris, indeed all France, has never known a more peaceful and law-abiding time. Admittedly, that is because the rate of execution, incarceration and exile to the penal colonies has increased dramatically, together with loppings, mutilations and maimings. But I put that down to my streamlining of the courts (what real need for judge and juries?) and the laws passed to give the Civil Watch power to arrest and inflict summary justice, thus reducing the number of cases coming to court. A halcyon age, now ended, hélas! I wish good luck to my successors and feel sure that my diligent service will be regarded with a statue or two.
† Marquis LaGarde, Minister of Justice

Major le Hatter
His Majesty's troops are not a rabble. Your comments are disloyal and a disgrace to your uniform.
† Cuckpowder

Primus: I hear the Minister of State intends to appoint Tarquin to a government position when he's qualified.
Secundus: Why the delay?
Primus: He lacks in some aspect.
Secundus: But he's shifty, dishonest and weak. What more does he need?
Primus: A small gift to the Minister's coffers perhaps?

Sir Brigadier Fourier:
    I wanted to inform you of my plans, in case you see any difficulty with them.
    First, I intend to contact headquarters and pay them the requisite service fees so that I can fill the empty slot for our Regiment's Lt. Colonel.
    Second, having done so, I intend to take the portion of our Regiment I am charged with to the front. This will help with the holding manoeuvres for the army as a whole, and better prepare the men for the coming summer campaign.
    At your service,
† Major Jacques Hatt
With best wishes that this summer will see your skills recognized properly and you at least getting a permanent promotion to Brigadier General.

So what happened, Major Hatt? † Le Roi

 

To: Major Tarquin le Hatter, King's Musketeers
Mon Substitute Pere,
Stay safe at the front. Would you like me to look after your mistress whilst you are gone?
    Regards,
† Col Claude De Nord

To Major Tarquin le Hatter
Risking life for King and country? Hiding in a frontier regiment to escape your creditors more like. You abandoned one of the flowers of Paris in your haste to find some stone to hide under. The poor lady was distraught when I found her, said you had even pawned her jewellery. Then you have the impertinence to ask the good Commissioner to get involved to cover up your disreputable behaviour. I look forward to seeing you on the duelling fields.
† Lt. Col Rick Shaw

General de Seine, I commend your attitude to recruiting.
† Bdr-General Cuckpowder

My Dear Deputy Commissioner,
I quite sympathise with your predicament, but what can I do? My term of office expires this month and who knows what the future might hold? If money was the problem, you should have come to me. I am rather rich, you know. I note that you have now managed to settle or at least put off those 'oiks' you mention. I am only ever troubled by the 'hoi polloi' but that is the difference in our class. So you will be able to serve with your regiment next month, bringing it renown and at least a gratuity or two to the widows and orphans fund.
† Lt Colonel LaGarde

To: Major Tarquin le Hatter, King's Musketeer
Mon substitute Pere,
Disregard that last request, as I see you are sans female at present.
Would you like me to feed your cat instead?
    Fond Regards,
† Col Claud De Nord

To Mustafa Lekk,
You should rise above snobbery and revel in the fact that even the poorest of us can rise from the gutter based on our own abilities in the enlightened reign of Le Roi. I hope I made my "point" clearly on the duelling fields and you feel ashamed of your behaviour in the presence of the Crown Prince. A true gentleman would apologise.
† Petit Garcon-Riche

 

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

A nursery rhyme:
1 /Oh where, oh where has Mon Colonel gone?//
//Oh where, oh where can he be?//
//With his legs so short and his tail so long,//
//Oh where, oh where can he be?/
2 /The frontier lads are a dangerous crew,
It's mad to hang out with those;
We shall march this month and come fight with you,
And drink to drown all your woes./
3 /Oh where, oh where has Mon Colonel gone?//
//Oh where, oh where can he be?//