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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for September 1673

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

Aide required to assist at the Chancelry. Light duties until the Spring. Apply Viscount Cuckpowder, Chancellor.

Gentlemen of Paris
It has been brought to my attention that there was a shortage of equipment and supplies at the front and I am looking for more information on the culprits.
These acts of embezzlement are adding to the risks our men face: have you been offered surplus military equipment cheap, do any of your colleagues behave suspiciously or behave out of character when supply shortage are mentioned?
If something does not look right, then it is probably not right.
    See it
    Report it
    Hang the guy with the La Rochelle accent.
† Sir Eclair de Lame CPS

Men of Paris:
    The Grand Duke Max's Dragoons is looking for soldiers.
    As I was helped by our last Colonel, I am happy to help interested candidates with the costs of application and horses. I expect that there will also be regimental gatherings. I can testify that the regimental weapons training facilities are quite useful.
    With regard,
† Colonel Sir Jacques Hatt

The Royal Foot Guards still seeks officers and men. Opportunities for military and, for the right candidate, government service abound. Financial assistance available for deserving cases.
† Bvt Brigadier General Beau Reese Jean Seine - officer commanding RFG

Matters of Honour

I am in need of a second or two. Anyone interested should contact me directly. I am happy to reciprocate.
I could also use an Aide to take care of the paperwork.
† Earl D'Ice

 

Social

    "Louis, darling," cooed Di, "is it true you have been honoured with a knighthood?"
    Louis smirked, "It is my dear."
    "Oh, you're so brave. We must have a party to celebrate!"
    "Of course, darling, let's."
Party, Week 3 October 1673
Sir Louis & Di invite all nobles, gentlemen* and friends of the Picardy Musketeers and their ladies to join them for a few drinks at Sir Louis's expense.
Members of the 4th Arquebusiers are requested to stay away.
[* Gentleman being SL 7+]

My Dear Friends,
I will be holding a party in weeks 2 & 3 at my club. All gentlemen SL 12 or more are welcome (except the 53rd, of course). Please feel free to bring your beau and a bottle (surprise me) and your best joke - this needs to be a spoken joke and not a member of your enemy regiment (or mine).
    Yours in honour, † Ben e'Volence

Gentlemen of Paris,
Bess and I invite you to join us in Hunter's in week 3 of October for drinks. All costs paid.
Only those who are eligible to be members of the decent clubs in Paris will be on the guest list. That is, members of The Frog & Peach and above. [SL 5+]
† Lou Scannon

The next Young Gentleman of Paris meeting will be held at the Horse Guards club on Halloween Night (Week 4, October 1673) and is open to all and their mistresses. It is themed around Witches, Warlocks, Ghosts and Ghouls and how a strong Christian faith can keep these dark ones at bay. Unlike other parties, there is no restriction on SL - all are included, with the exception of the Dragoon Guards who, as Satan-worshipping sodomites, do not fit any definition of "Gentleman" known in the history of mankind. If they show up, they will be tossed headfirst into the nearest midden by the Door Staff.
Please describe the costume you will be wearing and the best, judged by no less than Le Roi himself [OOC Pevans will choose the description he likes best], will win 200 Cr, with a prize of 100 Cr given to the second best. All costs will be paid by the Chair, Petit Garcon-Riche.

Personal

A message to "Queen" Felix
Don't worry about sending me the paperweight. The RFG will pop around to collect it and you next summer.
† Beau Reese Jean Seine Minister of State

"When I hear the words "Tarquin le Hatter" and "Friend", I count the spoons."
(Overheard in a Parisian brothel)

To: Lord Percy Percy
Should I discover who you actually are, weasel of a rogue who hides behind an alias, I shall ensure that you receive the sound thrashing that you deserve!
Far from being insufferable, as you falsely claim, I am actually very popular, one of Paris's shining stars and destined for glory. I know this because upstanding gentlemen, ladies and even the common folk tell me so!
† Lt. Col Tarquin le Hatter, King's Musketeers

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the honest, the ministers are all unfashionable.

Leonard de Hofstadt,
You speared an eclair with a baton?
Even assuming you meant a piece of wood rather than a bread product, just how big was this eclair?
† Cuckpowder

Yes, enquiring minds want to know! † Le Roi

Mon cher Maquis de LaGarde,
It probably was your adjutant or servant, unaware that it's "hoi Polloi" or "the Polloi" but not "the hoi polloi".
† Viscount Cuckpowder, Chancellor of the Exchequer

Gossip from the mess:
    "Maurice was Poor when he started, but is no longer quite so terribly Poor. Though he will have to repay his debts soon enough, he did well from a single month at the front!"
    "So our poor Captain Pauvre is not entirely the church mouse I had assumed. On the contrary, he professes to be a proud man who does not want to feel indebted to his fellow officers. I will respect his wishes and instead will take the crowns on offer to the gaming table and share any winnings. Maybe the wealthy Captain would care to join me, match my 170 crowns stake, and share his winnings."
† Sir Louis Renault

Dear 1st Army Commander de Hofstadt,
Please do not give the position of Army Quarter Master Gen. of the Third Army to the scrum, Phillipe F'Loppe, as he will rob you blind.
    Yours, † Lt.Colonel Thyme, QOC

Yes, kick him into touch! † Le Roi

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

Whilst at the front I have tried to compose a song for my fellow troops to march to. I hope one day it will catch on.
Song of the Onion
1 I love an onion fried in oil,
I love an onion, it's so tasty
I love an onion fried in oil,
I love an onion, I love an onion
[Chorus]
In step, comrades, in step, comrades,
In step, in step, in step
In step, comrades, in step, comrades,
In step, in step, in step
2 Just one onion fried in oil,
Just one onion turns us into lions
Just one onion fried in oil,
Just one onion, just one onion
3 But no onions for the Austrians,
No, no onions for those dogs
No onions for the Austrians,
No onions, no onions
4 Love the onion fried in oil,
Love the onion, it's so tasty
Love the onion fried in oil,
Love the onion, we love an onion
It is available in several formats including a harpsicord remixing.
    Yours, † Claude De Nord