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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for February 1675

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

The finest regiment in France and the world seeks officers and men. Suitable candidates should apply at the regimental HQ.
† Beau Reese Jean Seine Officer Commanding Royal Foot Guards

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen's Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Marquis Thyme

The Picardy Musketeers are looking for fine young men, especially those with the qualities that would make them good Officers.
Financial assistance available to those Officers that need it.

Found in the mail sack of all members of regiments in the Dragoon Guards:
    As you get ready for our February campaign at the front, I want to remind you that we expect to spend all of the spring there.
    Yours, † B. Lt. General Jacques Hatt

Brigadier General seeks Aide.
† Beau Reese Jean Seine

** Aide Required **
I am looking for a competent aide.
Please contact me with your credentials.
† (Brevet) Bdr-General Marquis Thyme

Despatches from the Front

A soldier writes home:
"Not a bad time last month. Found some foreign currency, hoping to find more..."

Another notes, before leaving Paris:
"Running short of cash. Unlucky in love. Only one option..."

The Horse Guards Brigade rides for glory and the service of our Majesty.
† Cuckpowder

Social

Gentlemen of Paris,
As an officer in the Picardy Musketeers* I had the good fortune to call the valiant Captain Lascar Vivrebras friend. Which is why I invite all friends and comrades of the late Captain to join me during March week three at my club for drinks and a celebration of his life and untimely death leading the brave soldiers of the Royal North Highlanders.
Refreshments at my expense provided for all gentlemen and their ladies.
(*Members of the 4th Arquebusiers will not be welcome.)
† Sir Louis Renault

LCol Camille de Polignac, RFG, will host a party at Fleur during week 1 of Mar 1675. Officers serving in the Guards Brigade and any Gentlemen of SL 18+ are welcome to attend with their ladies. Refreshments provided.

Personal

For Serjeants Le Blanc and Giroud, detailed to impress the proud history and sterling attributes of His Majesty's 69th Regiment of Arquebusiers upon passers-by, the morning had been particularly slow, just one potential recruit. Frustratingly, this had turned out to be an 'undercover' Corporal sent over by their regimental adversaries, those barnacled bozos of the Royal Marines, to waste the pair's time and patience by asking a host of questions about the 'lengths of their fuses'. 'Was it true they only have ones about 3 inches long?' 'Are you fellows known as the 69ers for any particular reason?' and 'Didn't you once have a Colonel called Jacques Madik?' After he was justly sent packing, nothing... a thoroughly fruitless day!
    "What say you we pack and get back to the barracks, there's bound to be some wine and cheese at the mess later this evening. A chance to get out of these wet uniforms and warm up a bit first," grumbled Sgt Giroud to his fellow 69er.
    "Oui," replied Sgt Le Blanc, "There's bugger all doing here, bloody pointless."
As they turned away to begin clearing up a shrill voice interrupted them. "Hello, is this where I sign up?" Both men looked around but saw only the recruiting table and an empty tent.
    "What the hell was that?" exclaimed Sgt Giroud.
    "It's me. I wish to enlist. I'm going to be a soldier!" the shrill voice sounded again.
    "I'll be damned. Where the hell is that coming from? Are you messing about, Le Blanc, throwing your voice or something?"
    "Over here... here..."
    "There it goes again. I think it's coming from under the table?" Both men take a closer look, Giroud peering underneath, while Le Blanc walks to the front. "Good Lord, would you look at this, it's sort of a real-life doll or something?"
    "Hey, I'm not a doll!! I'm Tiny Thierry Toothpick, I'll have you know. My father's a Chevalier! I want to buy a Major's rank and I've already got 3 ponies and my own dagger."
    "Ha ha ha ha, it really does talk, and it's got its own little hat and everything!"
    "Oh, for God's sake, not this again! Listen to me, you two non-officer types, I'm gonna be Colonel very soon, so you don't want to go messing with me! Plus, I want to make this absolutely clear, we Toothpicks aren't dollies, we're just a little vertically challenged. Size doesn't matter, remember, it's what you can do that counts!"
    "Well, I guess it has a point and it means we haven't come away empty-handed, just somewhat under-changed... ha ha ha... heck, why not, chuckle.... sign the little - sorry, vertically challenged - Major up. Here, you lift him, while I pass him the quill!"

Colonel du Nord
I am disappointed that standards within a prestigious regiment such as the King's Musketeers has fallen so low that a peasant such as yourself can rise to become a Colonel. I was horrified when I asked to see your Family Crest and found that you don't have one. I have resigned to avoid bringing the regiment into disgrace but ask you formally to step down, which you will do if you have any honour. If you refuse, I will add you to the list - I have a vacancy now the coward le Hatter has met his maker and you would make an ideal replacement, even if Petit never mentioned you.
† Kit Chevalier-Cavalier

Lord Percy Percy says, as fashion is tending towards the vacuous, Jacques de Gain is very fashionable.

Dear Kit Chevalier-Cavalier,
What a terrible error we have made.
Please leave the King's Musketeers at once.
I will try and find you a new position.
Make haste, mon ami: as if someone has unwrapped a particularly ripe Camembert in your chambers.
    Regards,
† Claude de Nord

KCC pulled out his list and crossed out an entry with his quill. "1 down, 3 to go, Petit and you will be avenged."
    Roger d'Horne (Bully)
    Ben E'volence (Bully's partner)
    Tarquin Le Hatter (Coward)
    The Spanish Cavalry
"Hmm... Ben e'Volence is Colonel of the Crown Prince Cuirassiers and they don't like the 53rd Fusiliers... the next stage of the plan is clear, Petit, my friend..."

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

Dew-crowned grass at dawn,
Snicker-snack, the rapier paints silver then red.
They fall like grass.
† TdlL