Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for January 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

To all members of His Majesty's Armies,
Are you worried about injuries while at the Front?
Concerned that your wounds might fester?
Worry no more.
M. Le Chemiste has a large supply of Hygienic Bandages(tm) and cleansing salves available at affordable prices.
A Tincture of Opium is also available on request.

Seeking a second for duelling - must be good with a needle and applying alcohol to wounds - ask for Arent, CPC Barracks - I'll be the large man sweeping up.

** Aide Required **
I am looking for a competent aide.
Please contact me with your credentials
† (Brevet) Bdr-General Viscount Thyme

Terence Cuckpowder - Time for a Change!
Do not re-elect the Minister of State with a super-majority: He will have your head, and confiscate all your money!
3 wasted Years: choose Reform!

Subaltern Arent Hayes is looking for a learning opportunity with any Brigadier General - cleaning boots, writing notes and serving hot or cold beverages a specialty.

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen's Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Viscount Thyme

Matters of Honour

Well, how to start the new year? Right: by sticking sharp objects in my fellow countrymen!

Captain Thibault Pinot-Noir,
I will attend your meeting with Colonel Alsace. I trust you have prepared yourself and practised your fencing arts. If not, I have arranged to bring you some brandy to bolster your courage, just a nip, mind you, to steady your nerves, and some bandages in case you meet with the Colonel's more experienced rapier.
Regards,† Baron Louis Renault

Despatches from the Front

Note at the RM barracks:
"Thank you. Please note we are at the front. If you would like to join us, please note you will be accepted as soon as we see you at the front. Thank you."

To the music of the William Tell Overture (Who?)
To the front, to the front, to the front Da Da,
again...
again...
Away to the Netherlands!

Social

Gentlemen of Paris,
During week two, Miss Nifisent and I cordially invite you and your ladies to join us as our guests for a special supper by one of Paris's most eminent cooks, when he will serve his signature dish, Filets de porc aux pruneaux.
Unfortunately, this invitation does not include members of the Dragoon Guards due to their insistence on trying to put holes in my aide, Captain Stanbul.
Regards, † Baron Louis Renault

Personal

I would like to thank my superior, the esteemed Minister of State, for allowing me the opportunity to serve the King of France and wheedle out those who abuse his gracious gift of freedom.
I would also like to thank my trusty Aide, Frank X Change, who diligently carried out his duties without complaint. I highly recommend him to anyone looking for a post to be filled.
As for Thierry Toothpick, it was a strange coincidence that, at my last trial, he offered me a tasty pastry only for me to fall quite unwell minutes later.
Yours, † Claud De Nord

Dear Friends and most scholarly grammarians,
Thank you for your generous support against Thomas de la Lune's scurrilous accusations. Please ensure you can join me at my sumptuous supper to raise a toast to common sense and the creative spirit.
Your humble servant,
† Louis Renault

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

As I walked home last night
I came across a curious sight.
Though I had a wine or two
I vow my encounter is most true.
I met a man dressed in his best
coat, hat and a scarlet vest.
He had with him a pig as he passed by:
Pink, plump and with a twinkle in her eye.
She wore a velvet cloak and a bonnet, too,
And on each trotter, a tiny shoe.
Please, Sir, I do must enquire,
Why this most ostentatious attire?
He was most aggrieved by what I said,
Proclaiming: I do most like this shade of red.
† LR

An Ode to Chevalier-Cavalier:-
It was the best of times, now the worst of times, as we will no longer duel.
Good night, good night! Duelling is such sweet sorrow.
† Justin Thyme

**To Hugh Jeneaux, My Foe**
1 Ah, Hugh Jeneaux, with your haughty air,
A peacock strutting, feathers debonair.
Your rapier gleams; like your wit it's slim,
A fencer's blade, yet a mind so dim.
2 Your love letters? Oh, they're très absurd,
The scratch of chickens, the merde of birds.
To win fair maidens, you prance and preen.
Alas! They flee, unwooed, unseen.
3 So here's to Hugh Jeneaux, my foe,
Less musketeer than a mangy crow.
May your blade rust through, your head deflate,
While we better men mock this featherweight.
4 Au revoir, mon ami, or rather adieu!
For in this poetic duel, I've bested you.
† ElF

Born anew, my mistress chases down the sun.
Huntress of heaven,
Herald of starlight,
The swell upon the ocean deep her train.
† TdlL