Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.

If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)

Orders for February 1676 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 16th August 2024.

Game Report for January 1676

Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.

It is a New Year, is it not? But the same old grudges keep coming up… Those with Jean-Paul LeMon have been hanging around since last month. There’s no sign of him this month, either, so they’ll still be with us next month. Or they would be if Jean-Paul was.

Armand Alsace seems to have got himself into a whole heap of trouble. He decides Ian Dediette is the man to settle things with first. This may be because Ian is quite a little guy and not as good with his rapier as Armand is with his. Expecting a lunge from his opponent, Ian parries. However, Armand has chosen to slash which may not do as much damage but is unexpected. And a parry does nothing to stop it. As he’s bleeding, Ian surrenders. One down.

A Musketeer demonstartes the Parry Next on Armand’s list is Arent Hayes. Of medium build, he’s less bulky than Armand, but Armand’s injuries from last month even things up. However, he is wielding a sabre, being a cavalryman. Both men go for a furious slash. However, Armand’s superior skill means he gets his hits in first. The rapier does less damage, of course. Finally, Armand goes for the expected lunge and this strike brings a surrender from Arent. That’s two for Armand.

Despite having enough fresh wounds to be able to skip any more fights, Armand turns up to his duel with Octo Lucretius Souris. Octo is the beefiest of Armand’s adversaries and another man with a sabre in his hand. The only thing in Armand’s favour is his greater expertise. Both men go for a furious slash again and the rapier does less damage again. That’s enough for Armand and he concedes this one, unable to carry on to his meeting with Thibault Pinot-Noir. This is a shame as Thibault has a very fine brandy provided by Louis Renault to “bolster his spirits”.

Hugh Jeneaux also has several duels to fight. First on his list is the diminutive Louis Severin Descartes, a fellow sabre user. As Hugh has not fully recovered from older injuries, this is actually a close match-up. Beau Nidle and Thierry Boule roll up to second Hugh, while Louis has Jacques Hatt backing him up. Though there’s no sign of his second second, Elroi le Flingue. Hugh opens the fight with a lunge – a surprising choice for a man with a sabre, but perhaps he’s hoping to take his opponent by surprise. He doesn’t, as Louis parries and stops the blow. He then dodges the cut part of Hugh’s furious lunge and hits back with a slash as Hugh recovers. That’s enough for Hugh and a win for Louis. Hugh declines to meet Elroi le Flingue or Alvin Charles (not that the latter turns up either).

With Martin de Garnache and Zeold von Tu not showing up for their fights with Beau Reese Jean Seine and Frank X Change, respectively, that’s all for January. Martin at least has the excuse that he’s avoiding fighting the commander of his regiment – and Beau that he’s avoiding fighting a subordinate!

A new Aide

Despite (or because of?) his battered, bandaged appearance, Hugh Jeneaux finds a General who’s prepared to appoint him as his Aide (Army Adjutant was out of his reach). As the General in question has no command, Hugh will still be serving with his regiment come the campaign season.

Terence Cuckpowder calls in a favour to back up Ben e’Volence’s call for the Heavy Brigadier to resign. Under this pressure, the Brigadier has to give up, leaving a useful vacancy for Ben when his term as Minister of War concludes at the end of next month.

Talking of Brigadiers, Henri DuShite decides First Foot Brigade should join the action in the Low Countries. The Royal Marines and Picardy Musketeers thus get their marching orders, much to the surprise of the Picardies’ new Colonel, Percival Puffington.

As commander of the Crown Prince Cuirassiers, Ben e’Volence admits a new recruit to the regiment. François de Blanchefort, for that is his name, purchases a Captaincy, helped by the cash bonus Ben awards him.

Cavalry support for the volunteers comes from Hugh Jeneaux, who mobilises his squadron of Archduke Leopold’s Cuirassiers, and Come Asiouar, who brings his squadron of the Queen’s Own Carabiniers into the fray.

Who was where: in Bothwell's (and outside)
Where	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Bothwell's	FXC + Frances	ZvT + Lucy	FXC(G)	MdG + Katy
		. JJ + Jacky	. NM + Vera	LSD + Edna
		LR + Maggie	. TPN + Angelina	. FdB
		. FdB	. BS + Alison	. TPN + Angelina
		. NM + Vera	. HF + Violet	. BN
		. TPN + Angelina	. TTT + Madelaine	. BS + Alison
		. BN	. YS + Sheila	. FS + Pet
		. HF + Violet	. HWB	. TTT + Madelaine
		. JiT + Guinevere	. AlCh	. HWB
		. TB + Belle	. JdA	. AH
		. TTT + Madelaine	. LSD + Edna	. FXC + Frances
		. YS + Sheila	. GdB + Bette	. AlCh
		. HWB	. CdN	. BLC
		. FXC + Frances	. GdA	. JdA
		. AlCh		. ElF + May
		. BLC		. JD
		. JdA + Carole		. GdA
		. ElF + May		. CPL
		. RS + Therèse
		. LSD + Edna
		. GdB + Bette
		. ID
		. CdN
		. GdA
		. CPL

Outside Bothwell's		BS (LR)

Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Crown Prince; (id) = expected host.

Everybody over to Bothwell’s

The big parties this month are in Bothwell’s. Frank X Change and Frances Forrin even take the step of inspecting the premises at the start of the month to “check we are happy with the catering and decorations”. And have a drink. The second week of January sees Louis Renault (and Maggie Nifisent) holding court with entertainment from “a renowned string quartet”. “Music hath charms…” it is said and this is definitely a peaceful gathering. A gift from Louis has ensured that new boy Charles PiedLuminaire has an outfit suitable for these surroundings. Though the gift is dwarfed by the loan Charles has received from the other Louis, Severin Descartes.

A drunken Musketeer lies on his back waving his hat on the end of his sword However, Zeold von Tu and Lucy Fur are providing “reviving toddies” in a different part of the club, following their attendance at Epiphany Mass at Notre Dame. Two of those at Louis’s bash, Claude de Nord and Frank X Change, are King’s Musketeers. When they realise the commander of the Cardinal’s Guard is in the club, they steal away to swap challenges with Zeold.

The following week it’s the turn of Frank X Change to hold his party in Bothwell’s. Frank casually drops a purse of 1,500 crowns on the tables and walks away, not caring whether he wins or loses. He doesn’t need to go back as he loses. Still, it gets him some social status. Hugo Furst gets nothing for showing off his “manly” duelling scars, though! And he can’t even blame the drink as he’s trying to be restrained and avoid “humming tunelessly to the music”.

There may not be as many people as the week before, but there are enough to produce a challenge. As usual, this is between members of enemy regiments: Balzac Slapdash (now of the Dragoon Guards) and Queen’s Own Carabinier Yve Stanbul. At least Balzac actually got into the party this time – he was turned away the week before as Dragoon Guards were not welcome.

The month ends with Louis Severin Descartes and Edna Bucquette hosting people in Bothwell’s and jokingly competing to see who’s faster at paying for their drinks. The event is timed so that guests have “digested the first few weeks of the year and slept off the New Year’s hangover.” The surprise here is that Elroi le Flingue (and May) get in after Elroi didn’t second his host earlier in the month…

Who was where: in and outside other clubs
Where	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Fleur de Lys	JJ + Jacky	CdP(G) + Morgane	CdP(G) + Morgane	TC + Justine
	JiT + Guinevere			RS + Therèse
	GdB + Bette			. NM + Vera
	CdP(G) + Morgane			. JJ + Jacky
				. JiT + Guinevere
				. ZvT
				. GdB + Bette
				. CdN
				. JH + Cath
				. LR + Maggie
				BeV + Lotte
				. TB + Belle
				CdP(G) + Morgane

Outside Fleur de Lys	TC (BRJS)	SE (BRJS)

Hunter's	NM		SE + Thomasina	SE + Thomasina
	SE + Thomasina
	BS

Blue Gables	HF + Violet			YS + Sheila
	YS + Sheila			. HF + Violet

Frog & Peach	TB + Belle

Red Phillips			ID

Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Crown Prince; (id) = expected host.

An elegant young woman hides her expression behind her fan Louis has competition from Rick Shaw and Josephine de Buonoparte, whose masked ball is in the Fleur. Rick leads the way with a mask of a winged eagle. Unfortunately, this has a significant drawback: he smacks people in the face every time he turns round. Their invitation list is more select, but gives another opportunity for Claude and Zeold to renew their mutual challenges. Greg de Bécqueur confuses people by wearing a mask of the two-faced Roman God, Janus, and several guests end up talking to the back of his head. Jean Jeanie and Jacky Tinne have more obvious masks: his is of an old man labelled “1675”, hers a young woman emblazoned “1676”. Louis Renault is masked as a sheep with Maggie Nifisent in full shepherdess garb (with mask). Zeold von Tu’s mask is a simple affair. Made of iron. (Apparently His Majesty is very taken with this idea.) The prize for the best mask goes to Greg, once Rick has worked out which side to present it to.

The rest of the clubs see a few members popping in from time to time through the month. Yve Stanbul’s fourth week party sadly falls into this category. There’s just too much competition from other events for Blue Gables to be particularly appealing. Yve’s guest, Hugo Furst, has to be reminded (mostly by his better half, Violet Bott) that his host’s name is not “Con Stan Tinople”. [Please welcome Mr & Mrs Tinople and their hustler son, “Con” Stan Tinople! – couldn’t resist it, Ed.]

Camille de Polignac follows his fondness for a flutter by laying his usual bets on the tables in the Fleur. Five bets of 600 crowns each week. First, two wins, a loss and two cuts see him break even. Second come three losses to two wins, so he’s out of pocket this time. Next, he wins two, loses two and cuts the last for a further loss. And his final wagers produce two wins and one loss and he cuts his bet twice. He’s substantially in the red at the end of the month, but is reaping plenty of kudos from the cognoscenti.

Who was where: courting, visiting and going out
Where	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Alison			Out	Out
Angelina		Out	Out	Out
Belle	Out	Out		Out
Bette	Out	Out	Out	Out
Carole	JdA succeeds	Out
Cath				Out
Edna		Out	Out	Out
Frances	Out	Out		Out
Guinevere	Out	Out		Out
Jacky	Out	Out		Out
Jenny		OLS fails
Justine		TC succeeds ex-HDS		Out
Katy			MdG succeeds ex-TdlL	Out
Katy's doorstep	ZUT	ZUT
	MdG	MdG
Lotte				Out
Lucy	ZvT at home	Out
Madelaine	TTT succeeds ex-CdN	Out	Out	Out
Maggie		Out		Out
May		Out		Out
Morgane	Out	Out	Out	Out
Pet				Out
Sheila	Out	Out	Out	Out
Therèse		Out		Out
Thomasina	Out		Out	Out
Vera		Out	Out	Out
Violet	Out	Out	Out	Out
	FdB fails
Violet's doorstep			FdB
			AH
			JD
Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover.

Backed by his entourage of “Tangerines” performing songs, acrobatics and “comedy stuff”, “Tiny” Thierry Toothpick is successful in his advances to Madelaine de Proust. Lord knows why…

Octo Lucretious Souris sadly fails in his courting. How could Jenny resists gifts of nougat and “the new stuff from the colonies – choco-thingie! The ladies in the bawdyhouses (later on) are much more taken with it.

Who was where: round and about
Where	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Bawdy houses	HWB + FC		BN + FC	OLS + FC
	AH + FC
	AlCh + FC
	BLC + FC
	AA + FC: Mug 0
	ID + FC
	GdA + FC
	CPL + FC: Mug 0

Practising	BN - Sabre	FS - Rapier	ZUT - Rapier	ZUT - Rapier
	FS - Rapier	JdG - Rapier	JJ - Rapier	JdG - Rapier
	OLS - Sabre	AA - Rapier	TC - Sabre	AA - Rapier
	JdG - Rapier	BeV - Sabre	FS - Rapier	ID - Rapier
	ElF - Sabre	JH - Sabre	JiT - Sabre	BdLS - Dagger
	RS - Sabre	BdLS - Dagger	TB - Sabre
	LSD - Sabre		ZvT - Rapier
	BeV - Sabre		BLC - Sabre
	CdN - Sabre		JdG - Rapier
	JH - Sabre		AA - Rapier
	BdLS - Dagger		ElF - Sabre
	LR - Rapier		RS - Sabre
			BeV - Sabre
			JH - Sabre
			BdLS - Dagger
			LR - Rapier

Regimental Duties	JD	AH	OLS
		JD

Busy doing nothing	TPN (Riding practice)		CPL

Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not in a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level.

Hanging on in Holland

This month French forces come under sustained attack from the Spanish, Dutch and Brandenburg forces ranged against them. Luckily, the First Foot Brigade is there to bolster the Frontier troops. Both regiments take a pounding though. Colonel Percival Puffington of the Picardy Musketeers is brevetted to Brigadier-General and Mentioned in Despatches. Brigadier Henri DuShite has his brevet rank made permanent and gains the title of Viscount. He also pockets well over 500 crowns from a little bit of looting.

Lieutenant-Colonel Come Asiouar’s QOC squadron is attached to Frontier regiment 1, where being on horseback allows them to escape the fate of the regiment. However, there’s no further reward for Come.

Nor is there anything for Major Hugh Jeneaux whose ALC squadron under is with Frontier regiment 2, despite them doing much better.

Only Bdr-Gen Thomas de la Lune, who’s commanding a battalion of the RNHB sees something for his efforts – a few hundred crowns worth of loot as the Highlanders put up a stiff resistance to the enemy.