Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.

If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)

Orders for March 1676 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 20th September 2024.

Game Report for February 1676

Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.

It's all fun and games in Paris this February - starting with this month's duels. First up is Martin de Garnache versus Zavier Ulric Turenne. Having failed to be specific about his choice of weapon, Zavier has a standard foil and is looking disbelievingly at this unfamiliar blade. Martin is very comfortable with his accustomed rapier and has a heftiness advantage over the pocket-sized Zavier. He has the just-lapsed Minister of State, Beau Reese Jean Seine, as his second and the advantage of greater skill as well. Louis Renault is Zavier's second and thus on the receiving end of his complaints. Still, there's nothing for it but to cross swords with his adversary. Expecting an immediate lunge, Zavier jumps back. Martin just follows up and runs him through. Zavier surrenders immediately and stomps off to find a doctor.

A Musketeer laments that his duel was called off and is comforted by his mistress Next up is Claude de Nord, who's facing "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick first. Given that they are in friendly regiments and that Claude has all the advantages (he's bigger (much bigger), has greater expertise and uses a sabre), it's not really a surprise that Thierry and his dagger don't show up.

Claude's next opponent is Zeold von Tu, a less-skilled rapier user with no second. Claude's second should be Thierry - ho, ho, ho - but of course he's not there. Claude steps back and cocks his sword-wielding arm. Zeold looks confused, but takes the opportunity to draw first blood with a lunge. Then Claude throws his sabre. It hits, but its blunt tip does very little damage, leaving Zeold to complete his furious lunge. While Zeold recovers from this exertion, Claude mimes lunging with the sword he's not holding any more. Eventually Zeold hits him with another furious lunge and it's over, Claude conceding defeat.

Ignoring that he's meant to be fighting Frank X Change next, Zeold hurries off for medical attention, only to find just how minor his injury is.

Jon Dicehateme doesn't appear at either of his duels (possibly because he's packing his kitbag, which is no excuse), so Arent Hayes and François de Blanchefort are disappointed.

This leaves the duel between Balzac Slapdash and Yve Stanbul. Balzac is the bigger man, but uses a rapier against Yve's sabre. However, he's also a much more skilled swordsman. Louis Renault pops up again as Yve's second. A lunge from Balzac is followed by a slash from Yve. Balzac's second lunge coincides with Yve's cut. The deflected lunge does little damage compared to the cut, but it's Yve who gives up.

Who's Minister?

Then we have the fun and games of the race to be the next Minister of State. His Majesty has three candidates to choose from: the current Minister of War, Ben e'Volence; incumbent Beau Reese Jean Seine; and City Military Governor Terence Cuckpowder. However, Ben puts his influence behind Beau, effectively ruling himself out. Beau calls in every favour he can to bolster his chances and is further backed by Louis Severin Descartes and Rick Shaw. (It may also help that he's just paid the Exchequer tens of thousands of crown in 'back taxes'.) Terence was prepared to support Ben in preference to Beau, but has no choice except to back himself. However, the King favours Beau by a big margin and re-appoints him. Beau loses no time in not filling the vacancies for Minister of Justice and Commissioner of Public Safety.

In military circles, Ben e'Volence calls in another favour to try to remove the current Brigadier of Second Foot. The man is determined to stay, however, so Thomas de la Lune's application for the post goes nowhere.

"Tiny" Thierry uses his influence to make sure the Colonel of the 13th Fusiliers stays in post, thwarting Hugo Furst's ambition to take that rank. Balzac Slapdash has no such problem as he purchases the Colonelcy of the Dragoon Guards.

Charles PiedLuminaire applies to the Princess Louisa's Light Dragoons. He gets influential support from Louis Renault and is readily accepted. Louis finances a horse to go with Charles's purchase of a Captaincy, but Louis' offer of a further loan is not accepted.

Ian Dediette is admitted to the Queen's Own Carabiniers by CO Justin Thyme. Justin then provides the cash for Ian to buy the rank of Subaltern (and the requisite horse).

Once everybody's settled down, the Brigadier (Zeold von Tu) mobilises the whole Guards Brigade for a month's action. With Ben e'Volence volunteering the Crown Prince Cuirassiers, Louis Severin Descartes the Grand Duke Max Dragoons and Armand Alsace the 53rd Fusiliers, it seems most of Paris will be fighting the Dutch this month. Not wanting to miss out, Bernard de Lur-Saluces and Rick Shaw join Thomas de la Lune with the Royal North Highlanders.

Just one party

Who was where: in and outside the clubs
Where	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Fleur de Lys	JJ + Jacky	GdB + Bette	JiT + Guinevere	JJ + Jacky
	TC + Justine		GdB + Bette	GdB + Bette
	JiT + Guinevere
	GdB + Bette

Bothwell's	JH + Cath	LR + Maggie		LR + Maggie
		. ZUT + Laura		. BS + Alison
		. JJ + Jacky
		. JiT + Guinevere
		. YS + Sheila
		. CPL
Outside Bothwell's			HF (LR)

Hunter's	SE + Thomasina	SE + Thomasina	SE + Thomasina	SE + Thomasina
	JdA + Carole			JdA + Carole

Blue Gables	HF + Violet	HF + Violet	YS + Sheila	HF + Violet
	YS + Sheila	BLC + Eve	BLC + Eve	BLC + Eve

Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Crown Prince; (id) = expected host.

A drunken Musketeer lies on his back, twiddling his hat on the end of his sword The one party that survives the departure of so many notables from Paris is hosted by Louis Renault and Maggie Nifisent in Bothwell's. It's a relaxed and peaceful affair. The one fly in the ointment is that Hugo Furst isn't there. That's because he turns up at Bothwell's a week late! Must be all that mulled wine he and Violet have been drinking in in Blue Gables. Intriguingly, Louis and Maggie have a four-way tête-à-tête at the end of the month with Balzac Slapdash and Alison Wunderlandt, fresh (if that's the word) from punting on the Seine... with a very long pole.

Who was where: courting, visiting and going out
Where	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Laura		Out
Violet	Out	Out		Out
Katy				TC succeeds ex-MdG
Thomasina	Out	Out	Out	Out
Sheila	Out	Out	Out
Maggie		Out		Out
Cath	Out
Eve	BLC succeeds	Out	Out	Out
Guinevere	Out	Out	Out
Jacky	Out	Out		Out
Bette	Out	Out	Out	Out
Alison		BS at home		Out
Carole	Out			Out
Morgane		TC succeeds ex-CdP
Justine	Out
Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover.

Who was where: round and about
Where	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Bawdy houses	CPL + FC

Practising	ZUT - Rapier	JdG - Rapier	ZUT - Rapier	ZUT - Rapier
	BS - Rapier	JdA - Rapier	JJ - Rapier	JiT - Sabre
	JdG - Rapier	JH - Sabre	BS - Rapier	YS - Sabre
	LR - Rapier		TC - Sabre	JdG - Rapier
			JdG - Rapier	CPL - Sabre
			JdA - Rapier	JH - Sabre
			CPL - Sabre
			JH - Sabre
			LR - Rapier

Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not in a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level.

Reinforcements in Flanders

One thing that isn't entertaining is the continuing war in the Low Countries. The French defences are augmented by the arrival of the Guards Brigade and two cavalry regiments. Oh, and the 53rd Fusiliers. There isn't much to show for this increased deployment, though. Oh, apart from the 53rd Fusiliers. They prove to be decent marksmen, beat off a Dutch attack and their commander, Colonel Armand Alsace, is brevetted to Brigadier-General.

It's a good month for the Crown Prince Cuirassiers too. They intercept a Dutch supply train and chase off its escort in short order. There's a brief Mention in Despatches ("Supplies!") for CO Ben e'Volence. He picks up well over five hundred crowns worth of booty. Senior Major Beau Nidle is Mentioned twice ("Supplies, supplies!"), which brings him a Knighthood. He's too busy fighting to pick up any loot. Junior Major Thibault Pinot-Noir goes for the loot - well over 500 again - and is Mentioned ("Him too"). A Mention in Despatches comes the way of Captain Thierry Boule ("Awful"), but that's all. Captain François de Blanchefort's name goes into the Despatches as well, but only briefly ("Frank"). For the Subalterns, Arent Hayes and Octo Lucretius Souris, there is promotion to Captain. They get their snouts in the trough for some plunder: just under 500 crowns worth for Octo, while Arent grabs a bit more than 500.

Grand Duke Max's Dragoons find the opposition - Spanish cavalry in this case - a bit tougher. Having volunteered for this, regimental commander Louis Severin Descartes gets little reward, despite his personal bravery in going toe to toe (stirrup to stirrup?) with a Spanish officer. He picks up a couple of hundred crowns for his booty - those plumed helmets are worth quite a bit back in Paris. Lieutenant-Colonel Alvin Charles does rather better, receiving two Mentions in Despatches ("Alvin Charles? Charles Alvin?"), looting a little bit more than two hundred crowns and gaining the title of Marquis. Major Elroi le Flingue and Captain Grenville d'Arkrite survive handily.

A Musketeer struggles under the weight of his loot - chests, barrels, bottles and a cross-eyed bear First Foot Brigade has been in action since last month and the troops are well dug-in. Picardy Musketeers CO Percival Puffington manages to plunder a little, but that's it. Brigadier Henri DuShite talks up the Brigade's performance and finds himself brevetted to Lt-General. He scoops up most of the loot - nearly 500 crowns worth.

And so to the Guards Brigade, which finds itself confronted with an assault by a combined Dutch and Spanish force. The Cardinal's Guard and King's Musketeers hold off the attack. KM CO Claude de Nord is Mentioned expansively in Despatches ("A fine piece of defence work, what with his deployment in teams of three to reload and fire...") and makes a few crowns from a captured enemy officer. His Lieutenant-Colonel, Frank X Change, gets only a minor Mention ("Frank"), but is Knighted as a result.

It is the Royal Foot Guards who see off the enemy attack, waiting until the other regiments have absorbed the brunt before getting stuck in. As commander, Beau Reese Jean Seine directs his men to where the pickings are best, resulting in a round thousand crowns worth of booty for him. And a short MiD ("Formidable!"). Lt-Col Camille de Polignac doesn't do quite as well with his plundering and he's short of the 1,000 mark. On the other hand, Major Hector William Boone is up there with his CO as far as loot goes. Captains Felipe Savant, Neville Moore and Thierry Toothpick all seize around a thousand crowns each. Savant is just above that; Moore well above, thanks to a getting a premium on his hat with a bullet hole in the crown. However, Toothpick is just below - though he does get a footnote in Despatches. Yes, it's in very small print at the bottom of the page.

Guards Brigadier Zeold von Tu's bravery brings him a little too close to the action and he, too, has a hole in his hat from a Spanish musket ball. He makes a quick withdrawal with just a couple of hundred crowns worth of loot. Brigade Major Martin Garnache sticks to his superior and gets much the same amount of booty.

Lending First Frontier regiment a hand (hoof?) is Lt-Col Come Asiouar's squadron of the Queen's Own. Sitting comfortably behind the infantry's defences, the cavalrymen are at no risk. In spite of this, there's a Mention in Despatches for Asiouar ("Good work getting a horse onto those ramparts!"), while new Subaltern Ian Dediette is promoted to Captain.

Having volunteered for action, Jon Dicehateme finds himself with Frontier regiment 3. He sticks his head over the parapet at the wrong moment and a musket ball misses his ear by inches. It goes straight through his forehead. RIP.

Major Hugh Jeneaux has brought his squadron of Archduke Leo's to assist Frontier regiment 4. A short MiD ("Major Jeneaux") brings him a Knighthood.

And we have three General officers commanding battalions of the RNHB. Brigadier-General Thomas de la Lune has a month's experience of this already and picks up over 300 crowns worth of loot with a Knighthood into the bargain. Lt-General Bernard de Lur-Saluces outdoes this with booty worth close to five hundred crowns and a bountiful Mention ("Is that his own tartan? Not bad for a Sassenach.) General Rick Shaw does equally well with his own pair of MiDs ("A General! In a kilt!!") and close to 500 crowns.