Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.

If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)

Game Report for June 1675

Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.

Paris is bustling as the army prepares to march for the summer campaign. Though there's still time for a few things to happen. First: affairs of honour. QOC Captain Come Asiouar has a score to settle with GDMD CO Louis Severin Descartes. Both men use their cavalry sabre and Asiouar's old injuries put him physically on a par with Descartes. And both have one second out of the two they invited: Elroi le Flingue supports Descartes, Zeold von Tu backs up Asiouar - Jacques Hatt and Maurice Pauvre are the no-shows. Descartes tries to surprise his opponent by opening with a furious lunge. Asiouar is ready for him, though, parrying the lunge and riposting to draw first blood. Honour is satisfied and Decsartes concedes.

Not only is he not in evidence as a second, Maurice Pauvre doesn't show up as a principal, much to Jean d'Aubergine's disappointment. Nobody is surprised when Tiny Thierry Toothpick doesn't turn up for his appointment, but Thomas de la Lune is too unwell to fight him (or Pauvre) anyway.

Last minute changes

Talking of Thomas de la Lune, he calls in a favour to persuade the Brigadier of Third Foot to resigns and then another to make sure he takes the vacated position.

Louis Severin Descartes uses his influence to add to all Frank X Change's and remove the junior Major in the King's Musketeers. Beau Reese Jean Seine gets rid of the senior Major all on his own. (Well, he is Minister of State.) It is no surprise that Change buys his way to Major and second in command.

Zavier Ulric Turenne tries to persuade his Aide to retire, but the man gains support from Zeold von Tu and hangs on.

For his own regiment (the Grand Duke Max Dragoons), Descartes recruits two new arrivals: Botte Le Chimiste and Pierre Pressure. Pressure would like to be a Major (and he's borrowed plenty of cash), but there's no vacancy at this rank so he's just a Captain. Chimiste only wanted to be a Captain anyway, so he's happy at this rank and hangs on to the rest of his loan.

Badoom! A drummer pounds a bass drum labelled "France" as the fully equipped troops march off Ari Beaux is another fresh face in Paris, but seems to know his way around - and have some disposable cash. He signs up with the 13th Fusiliers and buys his way to one of the vacancies at Major.

It seems Tiny Thierry Toothpick has had enough of life as a Subaltern in the King's Musketeers and quits the regiment to sign up with the Royal Foot Guards, courtesy of Beau Reese Jean Seine. Toothpick looks on this as a promotion, but he's not qualified to be a Captain and must remain a Subaltern.

Pierre Cardigan quits the Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers to spend more time with his family in the Fleur de Lys.

Despite the imminent campaign, Field Marshal Jacques de Gain still leaves both Army commands vacant. Some Division commanders will step up and be tested.

And the final activity before the army marches is several Parisians investing money into Arms in the expectation of a good return come September. Alvin Charles even borrows his investment stake from the moneylenders. In increasing size of investment, we have Hector William Boone, Frank X Change (borrowing a little to round up his funds), Gaz Moutarde, Louis Severin Descartes and a hefty amount from Lou Scannon.

As the troops march out of Paris, Brigadier-General Xavier Money tags along behind. Presumably hoping a Brigade command will come available.

Flanders fields

First Army marches north to bolster the Frontier regiments in holding the French gains in Flanders and the Rhineland against the Dutch and their allies. Despite the cavalry support, the Frontier troops have a torrid June. Bdr-Gen Xavier Money sees this first hand as he is assigned to First Frontier and is lucky to survive a Dutch pike that removes an epaulette. He is Mentioned (briefly) in Despatches ("That was close!").

A cavalryman attacks out of the page, sabre in hand The Heavy Brigade keeps running into Imperial horsemen and neither side can claim a victory in these skirmishes. Crown Prince Cuirassiers commander Ben e'Volence gets his own Mention and picks up some spare change in loot. (He was given substantially more by Frank X Change before leaving Paris.) Newly-purchased Major Stephan Etrange is proud to command "shiny-attired cuirassiers" and ensures "our banners fly high!" He does a bit better at looting, while Subaltern Beau Nidle earns promotion to Captain.

In the Dragoon Brigade, Grand Duke Max's also find themselves stymied by enemy cavalry. There's a Mention in Despatches ("He stepped up") for acting commander Alvin Charles and a Barony awaits him. The Captains - Botte Le Chimiste, Elroi le Flingue and Pierre Pressure - survive without a scratch.

Princess Louisa's Light Dragoons score a notable victory over the Dutch cavalry that brings a Mention in Despatches ("Dashing and splashing!") to CO Balzac Slapdash. This brings him elevation to Marquis and he helps himself to some four hundred crowns worth of booty. He also takes over as Dragoon Brigadier.

This is after Louis Severin Descartes' month as acting Brigadier. His personal bravery means he is also Mentioned and he plunders a hundred crowns or so. Brigadier Jacques Hatt is acting Division commander and, as he already has the rank of Lieutenant-General, he gets the job permanently. That's worth a note in the Despatches.

Trouble in the deep south

Second Army is a bit surprised to be marching south, but the Spanish have been causing trouble in Roussillon (or northern Catalonia as the locals still think of it). The aim is to re-take Fort Bellegarde (and the town of Le Perthus) from the Spaniards. Second Division will lay siege to the fort while First Division prepares to assault weak spots when identified and the Horse Guards patrol the countryside to spot any enemy reinforcements and keep the peasants in their place (France, not Spain!).

The soldiers of Second Division are quick to work through the town and set up their positions around the fort. In Second Foot Brigade, the 13th Fusiliers beat off a sally by the Spanish garrison trying to disrupt their rampart-building. New Major Ari Beaux literally beats a Spanish musketeer with a spade, earning himself promotion to Lt-Colonel and a Mention in Despatches ("That's one sharp spade"). A grateful King awards him a Knighthood. There's no such skirmish to bother the 53rd Fusiliers and Lt-Col Armand Alsace thus has no reward.

In Third Foot, the 27th Musketeers are the subject of another attack. Again, the Spanish are defeated, but Captain Ray de Sofdelosdarc fails to ward off the soldier who attacks him. RIP. In 4th Arquebusiers, Major Jean d'Aubergine is promoted to Lt-Col and takes over command of the regiment. Pretty good for a man who was expecting to be in Paris this month. Brigadier Thomas de la Lune is also promoted, making his Bdr-General rank permanent and removing him as leader of the 4th.

The 69th Arquebusiers, in Fourth Foot Brigade, come under intermittent fire from the Spanish guns on the fort. One barrage causes the heap of spoil from the digging to collapse, smothering the unfortunate Subaltern Pierre Luckless. RIP.

Second Division commander (brevet) Lieutenant-General Rick Shaw is pleased with his men's work overall and earns promotion to full Lt-Gen. He is Mentioned in Despatches and takes a few hundred crowns from the pot of loot.

After a few weeks of siege, the unprepared Spanish garrison has run low on supplies and the French think they've identified a weak point in their defences. First Foot leads the assault, the Picardy Musketeers in the lead. However, the enemy haven't run out of shot yet and a volley from the artillery wreaks havoc in the Musketeers. Colonel Maurice Pauvre is the first to fall. RIP. Lt-Col Ramond Repose de la Tombe rallies the survivors as the Marines charge past and leads them over the ramparts to start the looting. Over fifteen hundred crowns come his way, more than enough to buy that horse he needs.

Yes, it's the Royal Marines who lead the way over the fort's ramparts past the remaining Picardies. Their commander, Bdr-Gen Henri DuShite, is Mentioned ("First across the wall") and amasses fifteen hundred crowns worth of booty. An Earldom is coming his way as well., Major Jean-Claude Etienne leads a detachment to capture the enemy guns, not realising they've been reloaded. Only one has been swivelled to fire on the French incursion, but it's enough to take out the Major. RIP.

Despite his newly purchased rank of Lt-Col, Vinne d'Pooh is still First Foot Brigade Major. From this position he makes sure of some loot, though he doesn't quite reach the 1,500 mark.

BOOM! A Musketeer's hat is blown off as he fires his weapon With the defences breached, the Guards Brigade is flung into the fray. However, the King's Musketeers get bogged down working their way through the soft ground behind the fort. This means no reward for Colonel Claude de Nord. Major Frank X Change urges on his men, earning himself promotion to Lt-Col and a Mention in Despatches ("Very urgent").

The Cardinal's Guard is on solid ground and Lt-Col Zeold von Tu is quick to get First Battalion into the heart of the fighting looting. He hits the jackpot with two and a half thousand crowns' worth of booty. There's a Mention in Despatches to go with this ("How did he carry it all?") and a Knighthood to follow.

As resistance begins to die down, the Royal Foot Guards stroll in to see what they can pick up. In the case of Captain Lou Scannon, it's a nasty dose of shrapnel as he's caught on the fringes of the Spanish artillery's last cannonade. RIP. The blast goes over the head of Subaltern Tiny Thierry Toothpick who is promptly brevetted to Captain - the rank he wanted to begin with. He earns a thousand crowns from his sales of shrapnel souvenirs. There's a thousand crowns' worth of plunder for Captain Neville Moore, too, more than making up for what he's spent entertaining fellow officers with wine and cheese in his tent. Captain Felipe Savant does better with closer to fifteen hundred crowns' worth, a Mention ("He's found the pay chest") and the title of Baron. The same amount goes to Captain Hector William Boone, though his main prize is promotion to Major as there's a sudden vacancy... Senior Major Martin de Garnache sticks to the looting and gets over a thousand crowns' worth. While Lt-Col Camille de Polignac, leading the regiment as Colonel Seine is acting Brigadier, gets close to fifteen hundred crowns' worth and a substantial Mention in Despatches ("Fine display of leadership").

Yes, Beau Reese Jean Seine is acting Guards Brigadier with RFG Major Eclair de Lame as his Brigade Major. Unused to his new level of command (something he's stayed away from), Seine insists on joining his cherished RFGs in the assault. This does him the world of good as he plunders over two thousand crowns' worth of booty for himself and is Mentioned twice in Despatches ("Should he be doing that?" "Oh dear"). However, his survival is owed to Brigade Major Lame who throws himself between his boss and a Spanish pike, receiving a fatal wound. RIP.

A Musketeer smiles smugly as a medal is proffered to him The Guards Brigadier, Greg de Bécqueur is acting Division commander and the Division's exploits bring him substantial rewards, but keep him too busy to run the promised "Dominoes and Darts Tournament". He is brevetted to Lt-General, Mentioned in Despatches and gathers over a thousand crowns' worth of loot. He gains the title of Count into the bargain. And First Division commander Louis Renault is acting Army commander. A position that earns him promotion to full Lt-Gen and booty worth over fifteen hundred crowns. He becomes a Baron.

This leaves the Horse Guards, scouring the countryside for supplies and any Spanish reinforcements. There's a Mention in Despatches for Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder as he acquires over a thousand crowns' worth of loot. The Dragoon Guards encounter little resistance and brevet Major Michael Chevalier-Cavalier becomes a full Major.

The Queen's Own Carabiniers, however, are in the right place to finish off Spanish survivors fleeing the assault on the fort. Colonel Justin Thyme is brevetted to Bdr-General and grabs some booty - just over two hundred crowns' worth. Captain Come Asiouar goes in for the looting and accumulates plunder worth nearly five hundred crowns - very useful as the bailiffs were on his tracks in Paris.

Meanwhile, back in Paris

There's a very subdued atmosphere in Paris this month now that the soldiers have left. Gaz Moutarde is very restrained, spending all month at home with his lady.

Conversely, Pierre Cardigan and Justin Caisse whoop it up in the Fleur de Lys for four weeks. Jean Jeanie and Jacky Tinne hit the Fleur for the second two weeks, once Jean has got his rapier practice out of the way.

In the gyms is where to find everybody else. Jacques de Gain and Zavier Ulric Turenne work out with their rapier four times while Bernard de Lur-Saluces is learning knife fighting.