Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for October 1676 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 30th May 2025.
Game Report for September 1676
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
The start of September means that Paris is bustling with returning soldiers. And, as it's September, everybody's anticipating getting new jobs. Or not. Especially as Minister of State Beau Reese Jean Seine has a vacancy to fill in his Government.
The new jobs must wait, though, as there are duels to be resolved first. Only two of them, though - both involving Terence Cuckpowder, who's been a bad boy while the army was away. The first one is actually against Minister of State Beau Reese Jean Seine. The two men meet alone as neither second turns up (that's Jean Jeanie not supporting Beau and Zavier Ulric Turenne failing to back up Terence). The beefy Beau carries a rapier, while man-mountain Terence has a sabre. What's more, Terence is a real expert with his blade, leaving the Minister at a big disadvantage. Beau pauses a beat before launching his furious lunge in an effort to confuse Terence. The bigger man parries it effortlessly before starting a furious slash. The slash is damaging to Beau, but not enough to stop him from hitting back with his cut. However, Terence's cut is terminal. And, suddenly, Paris is without a Minister of State and the Colonel of the Royal Foot Guards.
Perhaps wisely, Camille de Polignac simply refuses to fight Terence.
Jobs for some
The Government may have lost its head, but the wheels continue to turn. Come Asiouar, Hugh Jeneaux, Rick Shaw and Stephane Etrange have all applied for Ministerial positions, presumably expecting the nod from the late Minister of State. But now they're judged on their merits. Rick Shaw becomes a Minister without Portfolio - and an Earl - while Hugh Jeneaux fills the vacancy for Chancellor of the Exchequer. As Minister of Justice and Commissioner of Public Safety are already occupied, that's it for government appointments. Though there is a vacancy for a Minister of State...
Now that he's Field Marshal (again), Jacques de Gain dishes out the top military jobs: command of the three armies. He appoints Generals Greg de Bécquer to command First Army, Ben e'Volence as leader of Second and Jacques Hatt to run Third Army. Having become a Minister, Rick Shaw isn't in contention for a command. And Come Asiouar gets to be the Field Marshal's Aide as Jacques prefers him to Botte Le Chimiste.
The Armies' command staff are largely filled with non-entities, but Adjutant of Second Army remains vacant after Stephane Etrange doesn't respond to Ben's offer of this position.
The Adjutant-General deems Zeold von Tu to be a better fit leading First Division than Louis Renault. Louis calls in a favour to ensure he gets command of Second Division. Zeold turns down Botte Le Chimiste's request to be First Division's Adjutant, preferring to leave it empty. Louis rejects Botte as well and makes Charles PiedLuminaire Adjutant in Second Division. Botte finally gets a job as Adjutant of the Cavalry Division.
Returning to the Lieutenant-Generals, Bernard de Lur-Saluces becomes a Provincial Military Governor.
Then it's the Brigade commands, dished out by the Inspectors-General. Terence Cuckpowder is confident of becoming Guards Brigadier and doesn't bother using any of his influence to support his application. Frank X Change calls in one of his Favours against Terence's appointment, but it's not enough to stop the big man getting the role. Terence rejects Martin de Garnache as Guards Brigade Major and this position remains empty.
Louis Severin Descartes does exert some influence to make absolutely sure he retains Brigadier of the Dragoons. Maurice Danseur, of Louis's regiment, becomes his Brigade Major.
Percival Puffington flashes his cash in an effort to persuade the I-G of Infantry to give him First Foot Brigade, but to no avail. There is a new Brigadier, of course, and he appoints Chemin de Fer as Brigade Major.
The Inspector-General then prefers Hugo Furst over Jean d'Aubergine as Brigadier of Second Foot, despite Jean being the incumbent.
RFG Captain Sir Neville Moore gets the prestigious job of Captain of the King's Escort.
And Con Stantinople wins the 50:50 draw to be Brigade Major of the Horse Guards.
Camille de Polignac is disgruntled: "Realize I'm not Aide to the Field Marshal anymore. Take fancy tassels off uniform. Feel a bit like a putz for forgetting to apply for any positions this month. Apply for some anyway in the hope that they are still vacant in Oct." And one of those is still available...
It seems Hugh Jeneaux, Colonel of the Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers, isn't happy with life in Paris. He volunteers his regiment for a further season of active service.
Rusé le Renard is definitely unhappy. "Bored," he says. His application to join the Ryal Marines is turned down, as he expected it to be: "Still bored." So he signs up with a Frontier regiment, where he can expect to be bored most of the time and occasionally frightened for his life.
The departed host
News of Beau Reese Jean Seine's death does not seem to have reached many Parisians, judging by the way so many turn up to Toady to him. The crowd outside the Fleur that week is augmented by the unexplained absence of Jean Jeanie as well. This includes Private Steve De Sade, wasting the week off from regimental duties that squadron commander Elroi le Flingue has granted him. Louis (SD) and Edna's debate about which party to attend turns out to be pointless as neither of their options takes place! Still, they had their reunion in the Fleur the week before, celebrating Louis's re-appointment as Dragoon Brigadier.
Who was where: in the clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | TC + Morgane | LR + Maggie | TTT + Madelaine | TC + Morgane |
| JiT + Guinevere | . JS | GdB + Bette | JiT + Guinevere | |
| TTT + Madelaine | . SBC | TTT + Madelaine | ||
| RS + Therèse | . CdF | LSD + Edna | ||
| LSD + Edna | . CS + Anne | . ZUT + Laura | ||
| BeV + Lotte | . PDT + Sal | |||
| GdB + Bette | . BLC + Eve | |||
| . ElF | ||||
| . MdG + Chris | ||||
| . MD + Belle | ||||
| . SDS | ||||
| . IP | ||||
| GdB + Bette | ||||
| Outside Fleur de Lys | ZUT (JJ) | ZUT (BRJS) | ||
| HS (JJ) | ||||
| ElF (JJ) | ||||
| LSD (JJ) | ||||
| GdB (JJ) | ||||
| MD (JJ) | ||||
| JH (JJ) | ||||
| FdB (BRJS) | ||||
| HF (BRJS) | ||||
| FS (BRJS) | ||||
| JiT (BRJS) | ||||
| VdF (BRJS) | ||||
| TTT (BRJS) | ||||
| MHD (BRJS) | ||||
| HWB (BRJS) | ||||
| AH (BRJS) | ||||
| SE (BRJS) | ||||
| PDT (BRJS) | ||||
| BLC (BRJS) | ||||
| JdA (BRJS) | ||||
| MdG (BRJS) | ||||
| RS (BRJS) | ||||
| CA (BRJS) | ||||
| CdP (BRJS) | ||||
| SDS (BRJS) | ||||
| Bothwell's | MdG + Chris | HWB | HWB | |
| JH + Cath | . MHD | . MHD | ||
| MdG + Chris | ||||
| Hunter's | NM + Vera | ID | SE + Thomasina | SE + Thomasina |
| HF + Violet | JdA + Carole | ID | ||
| SE + Thomasina | ID | CA | ||
| PPuf + Viv | ||||
| ID | ||||
| Blue Gables | AA | AA | AA | |
| CS + Anne | ||||
| Frog & Peach | JS | JS | ||
| HS + Sue | ||||
| Red Phillips | PDT + Sal | |||
| Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Crown Prince; (id) = expected host. | ||||
At least the dependable Louis Renault and Maggie Nifisent are there, giving the few inside the club the opportunity to gloat/snigger/sympathise with all those stuck outside. These include Con Stantinople showing off his conquest, Anne Tique. At least he takes her to visit his new club later in the month.
There were no parties in the Fleur the week before, but the members were treated to the sight of new member (well, he is a Minister now) "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick strutting up to the giant Terence Cuckpowder. And arresting him. The spectacle is somewhat diminished by the array of orange-painted "Tangerines" backing up the Commissioner of Public Safety.
After that, it's a quiet month until Louis Severin Descartes's Victory Parade for the Dragoons at the end of the month. This kicks off with the Dragoon Brigade - Grand Duke Max's and Princess Louisa's in their finest liveries - parading down the streets of Paris in a display of military triumph. Marching bands and soloists provide the musical background and some high-ranking prisoners of war and fancy pieces of loot are paraded around.
Afterwards, food and wine are provided for the troops at their barracks to enjoy their hard-earned victory, while the upper echelon (and some lucky privates and subalterns) and guests convene at the Fleur, which Louis recently joined, for a fancy sit-down dinner followed by drinks, cigars and games (pin the tail on the Dutchman, Blind Spaniard's Bluff...). Maurice Danseur is there to demonstrate that he's won the affections of Belle Epoque (with "a length of Brussels lace - booty from the battlefield - a delicious chocolate cake and a magnum of champagne").
Bothwell's isn't very busy, but note Hector William Boone hosting Marcel Hatch Dupree again. And again.
Hunter's has a new member, Ian Dediette, who is so taken with the place that he spends the whole month there. Percival Puffington and Viv Ayschus check out Hunter's - just the once - now that Percival's a member.
Blue Gables has just one visitor, Armand Alsace, until Con Stantinople and Anne roll up at the end of September.
Justin Saad likes his new club, the Frog & Peach, too, but only visits twice.
The only visitors to Red Phillips are Pierre De Terre and Sal Munella - after Pierre won her affections recently.
Amazingly, no regimental rivalries rear their head at any point.
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Sue | Out | |||
| Kathy | CdP succeeds ex-CdN | |||
| Kathy's doorstep | CA | CA | ||
| CdP | CdP | |||
| Anne | CS succeeds | Out | Out | |
| Belle | MD succeeds | Out | ||
| Viv | Out | |||
| Chris | Out | Out | Out | |
| Lotte | Out | |||
| Frances | FXC at home | FXC at home | FXC at home | FXC at home |
| ElF fails | ElF fails | |||
| Laura | Out | |||
| Violet | Out | CPL fails | CPL fails | |
| Violet's doorstep | JC | JC | ||
| CPL | CPL | |||
| Lois | CdF fails | IP fails | ||
| Lois's doorstep | IP st.down | |||
| Lucy | JdA fails | |||
| Vera | Out | |||
| Sal | PDT succeeds | Out | Out | |
| Thomasina | Out | AC fails | Out | Out |
| AC fails | ||||
| Thomasina's doorstep | AC | |||
| SDS | ||||
| Maggie | Out | |||
| Cath | Out | |||
| Eve | Out | |||
| Guinevere | Out | Out | ||
| Madelaine | Out | Out | Out | |
| Bette | Out | Out | Out | |
| Carole | Out | |||
| Edna | Out | Out | ||
| Therèse | Out | |||
| Morgane | Out | Out | ||
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover. | ||||
After three months away in the field, it's no surprise that many returning soldiers' fancy turns to... courting. Though, for Frank X Change, this means spending the month with Frances. First, "to Notre Dame to pray and give thanks for my safe return from the front." Then "take a case of Champagne for us to share." Followed by "go for a horse ride together in the Bois de Boulogne. And, finally, "take her a large bouquet of sunflowers and dahlias." No sooner have they returned from the cathedral than they are rudely interrupted by Elroi le Flingue. He departs with a flea in his ear, only to turn up again just as they're saddling up. Frank sees him off with his riding crop. A duel will be needed to settle this, but only one.
Talking of twice, Come Asiouar and Camille de Polignac bump into each other on two occasions (not counting in the crowd outside the Fleur). Camille's perseverance pays off in the end - though it does mean another duel. Charles PiedLuminaire and Justin Cartier also meet twice in the same place. That's another duel.
Chemin de Fer and Ignace Pardaillon only run into each other once and Ignace is happy to stand down to his... equal. Neither succeeds in their courting, which is particularly disappointing for Ignace as his squadron commander, Elroi le Flingue, has let him off his duties for this. Neither Agaric Champignon nor Steve De Sade will stand down to the other in their single encounter.
This brings us to the red-light district where Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux incautiously leaves plenty of cash about his person. He is divested of all leftover coin by the local footpads. Other visitors on the wrong end of the muggers' clubs have carefully spent all they brought with them.
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| In jail | TC | |||
| Bawdy houses | VdF + FC | IP + FC: Mug 0 | JS + FC: Mug 0 | |
| MHD + FC | AC + FC | |||
| HWB + FC | HDS + FC | |||
| SBC + FC: Mug-164 | ||||
| AH + FC | ||||
| AA + FC | ||||
| BdLS + FC: Mug 0 | ||||
| Practising | ZUT - Rapier | NM - Rapier | FdB - Sabre | FdB - Sabre |
| FdB - Sabre | HDS - Cutlass | NM - Rapier | NM - Rapier | |
| FS - Rapier | PPuf - Rapier | TC - Sabre | HF - Sabre | |
| HDS - Cutlass | JdG - Rapier | HF - Sabre | FS - Rapier | |
| BLC - Sabre | BeV - Sabre | FS - Rapier | HS - Rapier | |
| JdG - Rapier | BdLS - Cutlass | HS - Rapier | SBC - Rapier | |
| LR - Rapier | JiT - Sabre | JC - Rapier | ||
| SBC - Rapier | AH - Sabre | |||
| JC - Rapier | PPuf - Rapier | |||
| AH - Sabre | JdG - Rapier | |||
| HDS - Cutlass | JdA - Rapier | |||
| PPuf - Rapier | RS - Sabre | |||
| BLC - Sabre | CdF - Cutlass | |||
| JdG - Rapier | BeV - Sabre | |||
| RS - Sabre | JH - Sabre | |||
| CdF - Cutlass | BdLS - Cutlass | |||
| LSD - Sabre | LR - Rapier | |||
| BeV - Sabre | ||||
| MD - Sabre | ||||
| JH - Sabre | ||||
| BdLS - Cutlass | ||||
| LR - Rapier | ||||
| Regimental Duties | VdF | VdF | ||
| SDS | ||||
| Basking in the sunshine | ZvT | ZvT | ZvT | ZvT |
| Busy doing nothing | CS | |||
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not in a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level. | ||||
Minor looting
Back in the Low Countries again, Archduke Leo's Cuirassiers lay into some Imperial cavalry that tries to break the French supply lines. Colonel Hugh Jeneaux refuses the offered promotion, but happily takes a few hundred crowns' worth of loot from captured officers.
Assigned to Frontier regiment 3, Rusé le Renard survives a close encounter with a Dutch musketball and grabs almost five hundred crowns worth of goodies from the enemy.