Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for February 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen's Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Count Thyme

B. Gen le Marquis Camille de Polignac requires an aide. Volunteers are requested to send their applications so that the chosen candidate can be hired by March.

** Aide Required **
I am looking for a competent aide.
Please contact me with your credentials.
† (Brevet) Bdr-General Count Thyme

The Guards Brigade will be going to the front for the spring season.
† Terence Cuckpowder, Brigadier

Official Public Safety Ministry Announcement
By order of the Commissioner of Public Safety, the esteemed Sir Tiny Thierry Toothpick, Major in His Majesty's Royal Foot Guards, from henceforth it is deemed a criminal offence for the following -
    To have/use the surname Cuckpowder.
    To associate with anyone of the surname Cuckpowder.
    To not pass on information to the CPS concerning anyone using the surname Cuckpowder.
    To not speak up in Court against anyone using the surname Cuckpowder.
Anyone contravening the above directives shall be liable to arrest under the charge of being therefore a 'Cuckpowderite' - a crime that constitutes Treason and we all know what penalty awaits those guilty of Treason: Deeeaaaattthhhh... slow, agonising... Deeeaaaattthhhh.
Don't say you haven't been warned!
† Commissioner Tiny Thierry Toothpick
His Majesty's Commissioner of Public Safety
Major, His Majesty's Royal Foot Guards
A True Frenchman, A True Patriot

Matters of Honour

Arent sighed as he tumbled out of bed for his decider against SBC (1-1 on recent duels). Then a potential "handbags at dawn" with the Gay Paris wannabe It Girl Thiaubault Chancy de something. "I am safer at the front, to be honest," he mused as he joined Colonel de Blanchefort on yet another early morning jaunt to the duelling grounds.

Social

Gentlemen of Paris,
During week 2, Miss Nifisent and I will be dining at my club and be delighted to receive gentlemen and their ladies for polite discussion and to play cards: refreshments on me.
Unfortunately, this invitation does not include members of the Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers due to their differences with my aide, Captain Pierre De Terre.
† Marquis Louis Renault

****** Party - March Week 3 *******
To celebrate the spring equinox, I am hosting a party at my club in March week 3. Open to own and friendly regiments. Please bring your ladies. Social level 7 and above.
† Con Stantinople
**********************************

The campaign season approaches, and it is time for a wide-ranging discussion of tactical matters. Such as whether the commissariat should provide a light Sauternes or low-grade champagne (must have an eye to the Army Estimates). To that end, all members of the First Division are invited to the Fleur in Week 2 of March; costs covered for those of Social Level 16+.
† ZvT

Military Missives

To Colonel Lord de Nord,
Having spent some months in Paris now, it has become apparent that the finest regiment in all France is surely the King's Musketeers. My Lord Baron, as a humble servant of the King it would be my greatest honour to serve under your command. Please accept my application to join the regiment.
Should I be successful it is my intention to request that the junior Major resign his commission on grounds of his advancing age.
I await your response.
Yours in service of Le Roi,
† Hugo Serre

My Dear boy, you are more than welcome. May your career in the KM be long and prosperous. Would you please second me in my duel against Frank XC?

My Lord,
My humble thanks for your welcome to the regiment. It will be my honour to act as your second, you may rely upon me.

Just not this month. † Le Roi

Personal

Marquis Louis Severin Descartes,
Have I offended you in some way? Why was I turned away from the horse race? Please sir, I beg of you to illuminate the situation!
† CdN

TTT
Take it steady, old boy. I thought your head might explode during the last trial.

I write to apologise for my conduct in the recent duel with Thibault Chanson de Skye. When my honourable opponent yielded, I lost command of myself and pressed on, a disgraceful breach of etiquette halted only by his gallant seconds.
I meant no harm to Thibault. My quarrel was with my own feelings, and I sought only to risk my own life, not another's.
To Thibault, I offer sincere regret and admiration for your composure. You fought bravely and with the grace I failed to show.
I will stand in support of your challenge to Arent Hayes and do all I can to see that my next affair of honour is conducted in true gentlemanly fashion.
Yours in remorse and respect,
† Sir Percival Puffington

Overheard in the Fleur de Lys: Failing to get a conviction, you say. It was only a Woman, you say. How hard could it be? you say... I say we need a new CPS, as Toothpick is Tooth-less.

Torchlights flicker along the walls of the corridor to the Commissioner's Office within the Bastille: a closed door, bearing a gold nameplate with the words 'Major Thierry Toothpick, Commissioner of Public Safety'.
Inside, to those who choose to listen, can be heard several voices, upon occasion raised voices. Let's try and see if we can hear what's being said. Listen carefully now...
    "What's the Boss saying now, Tangerine No.1? Is that another letter that he's sent you from the Front?"
    "Yes, sure is, Tangerine No.2 and this one has more names for warrants on it. Let me check... hmmmh... von Tu... something about witchcraft and perjury, plus treason of course... then we have that Count Thyme fellow, he's new and not been on the list before... the charges... ahh, witchcraft, perjury, treason... naturally... oh, and look, here's another woman... Mademoiselle de Lô... I'm guessing... wait a minute, yep... witchcraft, subterfuge... that's interesting and treason!"
    "Shall I grab three fresh warrants from that big pile on the Boss's desk, draw them up with these latest miscreants on them and then get three cells ready? Does the Boss say anything else?"
    "Go ahead and do that, Tangerine No.2. Better prepare one of the 'specials' for von Tu & Thyme, you know how Commissioner Toothpick insists on nothing but the full works for those he deems on his Top Traitors List."
    "But isn't that everyone, Tangerine No.1? Doesn't he always shout very loudly that they're all traitors of the highest order for whom there can be only one penalty - Deeeaaaatttthhhhh - or words to that effect?"
    "That may be the case, Tangerine No.2, but we're not to question him, as long as he keeps paying the wages, gives us this nice orange uniforms and has us on the official Public Safety Ministry employees list. We're important people now, Tangerine No.2, servants of the CPS and thus doing our bit for King and Country!! Heed, follow and carry out the Commissioner's bidding, that's our role, so send out the boys and round these latest three up asap and don't forget to drop off that other warrant to Baron de Nord, the one appointing him as an official CPS employee too, you never know he might get a couple of these newbie traitors for us himself, now that he's all legal and one of us."

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

1 When Thierry chose to prey
On Madmouselle [sic] Le Fay,
The Ladies of Paris
Showed solidarity.
2 Paris would be a poorer place
Without so many pretty faces
With an enigmatic smile
And a touch of feminine guile.
† Frank X Change

Marching on through the smoke of death
Beckoned forth by Apollo's light
Any moment drawing last breath
Duty bound to pursue the fight
Shame, sole reward for selfishness
When Ilion falls under siege
Prize of cowardly Aegisthus
Betrayer of a loyal liege.
† Barthélemy Chifflet

Some musing on Marquis L R's Rapier workshop
1 I flex my arms and flex my steel -
This rapier thing is really light!
I wonder if I really feel
I want it for my future fight.
2 A sabre has a cutting edge,
The perfect weapon for the front.
The rapier couldn't cut a hedge -
Of course not! That's the very point!
3 A proud horseman I'm glad to be,
I'll use my sabre to cut down
The foes of France where'er they be.
But perhaps a rapier back in town?
† Major Maurice Danseur

A Frenchman would seduce.
From his attack we can deduce
That a Frenchman he cannot be.
Toothpick, are you our enemy?

1 Are streets of Paris safe to walk
For ladies out alone at night?
In shadows tiny terrors stalk;
I fear for my fair lady's plight.
2 Is that a wolf in shadows hid,
With hungry jaws, about to pounce?
Or just a naughty little kid?
You don't get many to the ounce!
3 Their whiskers quiver, like a mouse;
Their noses sniff the cold, damp air.
Should prey unwitting leave the house,
They drag it to their filthy lair.
4 These orange pipsqueaks roam our town,
Arresting ladies on a whim.
Methinks they need a cooling down;
The Seine's a chilly place to swim.
5 The Lord may visit wrath on these,
And accidents may come to pass are sure to come;
If honour they insist to tease,
Bad luck may land them on their ... bum.
6 So watch your step, on ice and frost,
One slip and you'll be in the drink.
Before you know it you'll be lost.
If you can't swim, you'll surely sink.