Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for October 1677 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 3rd July 2026.
Game Report for September 1677
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
Paris is bustling again as the troops return from the summer campaign. There are only a couple of matters of honour to settle (for the time being). The first of these sees King's Musketeer Hugo Serre take on Picardy Musketeer Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux. As befits Musketeers, this a duel of rapiers. Hugo looks to have a strength advantage and a second as well: Ben e'Volence. Expecting a furious lunge from his opponent, Hugo jumps back out of the way. This doesn't work as Sebastiane just isn't furious. He follows up with a lunge and Hugo puts up his weapon on being injured.
The second duel continues the long-running feud between Terence Cuckpowder and "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick. Paris has voted overwhelmingly (10:1) in favour of Terence's challenge to Thierry. Terence awaits his opponent alone as there's no sign of his second, Zavier Ulric Turenne. He's there for a while - along with Thierry's seconds, Claude de Nord and Maurice Danseur - until an orange-painted coach arrives. It's adorned with the words "True Commissioner of Public Safety" and flies an orange pennant emblazoned "TCPS" and accompanied by several orange-painted people. Rather out of breath.
A scroll is held out of the window and a "Tangerine" hands it to Terence. Entitled "True Commissioner's Arrest Warrant" it contains multiple charges of Treason, Bullying, Lunacy, Witchcraft and so on. The coach immediately departs, Thierry's last words hanging in the air: "I only fight traitors in a courtroom!" Claude offers to fight instead, but Terence is clear that his quarrel is only with Thierry. They all settle down and tuck in to the hamper of fresh baguettes, cold chicken and cooled Chablis that Maurice has brought.
Job hunting
As it's September, there's a whole new military hierarchy to be filled with suitable (probably) candidates. First, however, Minister of State Rick Shaw wants to fill some gaps in his government. He declines to make "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick a Minister, but appoints the other applicant, Jacques Hatt. as a Minister without Portfolio. This brings Jacques elevation to Marquis. Thierry has also suggested he could be Chancellor of the Exchequer, as have Hugo Furst, Hugh Jeneaux and Zeold von Tu, all of whom Rick rejects. The post goes to the fifth applicant, Ben e'Volence. All of the same group have applied for Commissioner of Public Safety as well - along with Terence Cuckpowder. Rick turns them all down and makes Claude de Nord the new CPs. He becomes an Earl into the bargain.
Then there are the regiments to take account of. Pierre Aux-Manique is a new face in Paris and then a new face in the Gascons. Having made sure he's borrowed sufficient funds, he buys his way to the rank of Major. Jean-Jules de Gant is also new to the big city and signs on with the 69th Arquebusiers as a Subaltern.
It's the Crown Prince Cuirassiers for Marc-Antoine Descartes, but the regiment's commander, Francois de Blanchefort, is not interested in new recruits. Marc-Antoine shifts his sights to Grand Duke Max's Dragoons and is immediately welcomed by its CO, Botte Le Chimiste, as is Claude B'Limey. Claude becomes a Subaltern while Marc-Antoine goes all the way to Captain.
Major Hugo Serre did use his influence to try to remove the Lt-Colonel of the King's Musketeers, but to no avail. Hugo's still a Major.
The military appointments start with Army commanders, but there's only one of these for the next year (though Greg de Bécqueur did put his name forward for the non-existent other three). Hence, there are plenty of applicants. Field Marshal Ben e'Volence turns down all of them and appoints Greg de Bécqueur instead. He appoints an Aide as well: this job goes to Arent Hayes in preference to Martin de Garnache, the other applicant. "He's in the CPC so it's a no brainer," notes
Ben.
Command of the Divisions is in the gift of the Adjutant-General, making this an important position. Ben gives the job to the only person who wanted it, Hugo Furst (whose brevet rank is extended to cover the year of his appointment). The two Inspectors-General are also significant as they appoint Brigadiers. The same threesome applies for both of these, but who gets the job is down to the Minister of War, Camille de Polignac. Hugo has already got a post, so Camille decides that Percival Puffington should be I-G of Cavalry with Louis Renault getting the equivalent for the Cavalry Brigades.
On to those Divisional commanders and Hugo has a little list. Terence Cuckpowder becomes commander of First Division. However, the other names on the list are Percival and Louis who have taken roles already. So the remaining four Divisions are without commanders for the time being.
As there is no Field Army commander yet, the job of the Army's Quartermaster-General is decided by functionaries. Of the applicants, Charles PiedLuminaire is now a Lieutenant-General and so doesn't qualify. (He contents himself with making Marc-Antoine Descartes his Aide - getting ahead of Louis Renault with the same offer - and then paying off the moneylenders.) Botte Le Chimiste is quickly ruled out. And Camille de Polignac gets the nod over Hugh Jeneaux. Which means there's now a vacancy for Minister of War...
Camille has also applied to be Guards Brigadier, but this is now redundant - as is Terence Cuckpowder's application. Inspector-General Puffington leaves it vacant. He is able to make Armand Alsace Brigadier of First Foot, but the other Foot Brigades remain leaderless. His opposite number for the cavalry, Louis Renault, does nothing and all three Brigadier positions are filled by timeservers.
Having paperwork to deal with as First Division commander, Terence Cuckpowder rejects both applicants (Con Stantinople and Martin de Garnache) as Adjutant. Con is promptly accepted as Adjutant of Second Division. Elroi le Flingue as after the position in the cavalry Division and calls in a couple of favours to make sure the job is his.
Having failed to find a General who wants him as Aide, Maurice Danseur succeeds in becoming Brigade Major of the Horse Guards. Pierre Aux-Manique gets the nod to become Fourth Foot Brigade Major.
RFG Captain Felipe Savant would like the prestigious job of Captain of the King's Escort. He has some influence to help this happen, only to find that "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick has called in a favour in an effort to stop him. Felipe's application succeeds despite this.
Now that all that's settled (with a whole bunch of positions filled with whoever's in the right place), Thierry Toothpick decides Paris is not the place for him. He volunteers the Dragoon Guards for another season in action. Charles Etfeevor is similarly inclined (well, he is a bit disgraced). His regiment is the 13th Fusiliers. Lance A Little doesn't command a regiment, but he is now Lt-Colonel of the Picardy Musketeers - purchasing his way up the ranks after Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux purchased the Colonelcy (which required a fresh loan). He takes first battalion off to the front. And the Inspector-General allows this.
Party hunting
Once more Paris is bustling with soldiers flush from a successful campaign. Not to mention those whose investments have just paid out. Marcel Hatch Dupree is the only investor to lose (from putting money into Finance), but he's able to make good the shortfall with what he gains from his stock in Arms and Commerce, re-schedule his loans and have enough to snap up a couple of Fleur bonds as well. Plus buy the rank of Colonel in his regiment.
The big social event of September is Louis Renault's "jubilant gathering" to toast the army's return. With Maggie Nifisent returned to his arm, Louis welcomes a wide selection of guests, encompassing most of the regiments in Paris. Oh dear. As a new member of the 69th, Jean-Jules de Gant may not be expecting to be jumped on by Chemin de Fer and Marcel Hatch Dupree. However, Chemin and Marcel are proud members of the Royal Marines (Chemin's the Lt-colonel now!) and really don't like the Arquebusiers. The feeling's mutual. Conversely, Jean-Jules is not backward in challenging those he considers his social inferiors at the party. That'll be Arent Hayes. Arent is also challenged by Marc-Antoine Descartes, who considers him an upstart too. Marc-Antoine feels the same about Chemin de Fer.
Discovering that the Fleur's dice games have a house minimum of 200 crowns and won't accept his six-crown bets, Henri de Boudeille is disgruntled. Then he spots a regimental enemy - Pierre Aux-Manique - and takes it out on him with Pierre giving as good as he gets. Camille de Polignac (who's not at the party) understands how to bet at the Fleur. But not how to win. He loses his first 600-crown bet, cuts the second, loses twice more and cuts his last to end heavily out of pocket.
Who was where: in the clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | GdB + Bette | GdB + Bette | GdB + Bette | GdB + Bette |
| TCdS + Katy | FXC + Edna | TCdS + Katy | TCdS + Katy | |
| . HF + Ella | RS + Justine | . HF + Ella | . HF + Ella | |
| . MHD | BeV + Lotte | . MHD | . MHD | |
| . HWB | . HJ | . HWB | . HWB | |
| . BLC + Eve | CdP(G) + Therèse | . BLC + Eve | . MAD | |
| . CS + Anne | LR + Maggie | . AA | . BLC + Eve | |
| JiT + Guinevere | . FdB + Freda | . CS + Anne | . CS + Anne | |
| RS + Justine | . NM + Vera | ZvT + Morgane | . CPL | |
| BeV + Lotte | . JJdG | FXC + Edna | JiT + Guinevere | |
| . HJ | . BS | BeV + Lotte | ZvT(G) | |
| CdN | . HF + Ella | . HJ | FXC + Edna | |
| JH + Cath | . FS + Fifi | CdN | . BdV + Lois | |
| . TCdS + Katy | CdP(G) + Therèse | BeV + Lotte | ||
| . JiT + Guinevere | . HJ | |||
| . MHD | CdN | |||
| . HWB | CdP(G) + Therèse | |||
| . SBC | ||||
| . AH | ||||
| . CBL + Violet | ||||
| . MAD | ||||
| . BLC + Eve | ||||
| . AA | ||||
| . CdF + Henrietta | ||||
| . PAM + May | ||||
| . CS + Anne | ||||
| . CdN | ||||
| . CPL | ||||
| . SDS | ||||
| . HdB(G) | ||||
| . AdO | ||||
| Bothwell's | FdB + Freda | PPuf + Viv | PPuf + Viv | PPuf + Viv |
| PPuf + Viv | MdG + Chris | MdG + Chris | MdG + Chris | |
| ElF + Lucy | ||||
| Hunter's | CdF + Henrietta | NM + Vera | ||
| AA | ||||
| Blue Gables | BT + Angelina | BT + Angelina | BT | SDS(G) + Thomasina |
| Frog & Peach | SBC + Sue | |||
| BdV + Lois | ||||
| Red Phillips | AdO | PAM + May | DBT | |
| Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Toadying to Crown Prince; (id) = expected host; bold = first visit to new club; underline = first time mistress seen in public with this beau. | ||||
Ben e'Volence is in the Fleur as well, showing Lotte Bottle a good time. They are joined by one guest, Hugh Jeneaux. Unfortunately, Hugh is in Archduke Leo's Cuirassiers. And is spotted by some of Louis's guests. Specifically, Claude B'Limey, Marc-Antoine, Botte Le Chimiste and Steve De Sade, aka Grand Duke Max's Dragoons. Challenges ensue. Claude de Nord abandons the parry briefly to confront his enemy, Frank X Change, who's in the Fleur showing off his new conquest, Edna Bucquette.
When he's not at Louis's bash, Thibault Chanson de Skye hosts his own do in the Fleur, still smarting from having the bailiffs insist he repays his debts (with interest). This is noted for the continuing exchanges between his guest, Botte, and Ben's, Hugh. Marc-Antoine gets to join in later in the month. Claude and Frank continue to exchange challenges all month, too. Much to the bemusement of Frank and Edna's guests, Beaumes de Venise and Lois.
Camille continues his gambling and his luck improves a bit. His second visit to the tables sees him win three and lose two bets and recoup a little of his losses. On the third attempt he wins two, loses one and cuts two wagers for no financial gain or loss. His kudos is high amongst gamblers, though. Not so Zeold von Tu, whose five 250-crown bets at the Fleur are complete losses. Last of the gamblers is Steve De Sade who takes Thomasina to Blue Gables to wrap up the month and places a few wagers. One
win, two losses and a cut see him out of pocket.
It's no surprise that there's a lot of courting this month. Come Asiouar lucks out. Marc-Antoine Descartes and Charles PiedLuminaire try synchronised courting. Since they after the same lady and neither will stand down, this does not end well. Maurice Danseur's persistence fails to pay off as the object of his affections is out enjoying herself. Terence Cuckpowder is spreading the love (or something), but fails completely. And only gets one duel out of it.
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Agnes's doorstep | MAD | MAD | ||
| CPL | CPL | |||
| Angelina | Out | Out | ||
| Anne | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Belle | HdB fails | AdO fails | ||
| Bette | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| CA fails | CA fails | CA fails | ||
| Cath | Out | |||
| Chris | MdG succeeds ex-CdN | Out | Out | Out |
| Edna | FXC succeeds | Out | Out | Out |
| TC fails | ||||
| Ella | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Eve | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Fifi | Out | |||
| Freda | Out | Out | ||
| Guinevere | Out | Out | Out | |
| Henrietta | Out | Out | ||
| SDS fails | ||||
| Justine | Out | Out | ||
| Katy | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| MD fails | MD fails | MD fails | ||
| Lois | Out | Out | ||
| Lotte | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Lucy | Out | |||
| Maggie | Out | |||
| May | PAM succeeds | Out | Out | |
| Morgane | ZvT at home | Out | ||
| TC fails | ||||
| Sue | Out | |||
| Therèse | CdP succeeds ex-BS | Out | Out | Out |
| TC fails | ||||
| Thomasina | Out | |||
| Vera | Out | Out | ||
| Violet | CBL succeeds | Out | ||
| Viv | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover; st.down = stood down to rivals. | ||||
And, in less salubrious parts of town, the footpads pounce on two of those visiting the bawdyhouses. Come Asiouar (who didn't bother the ladies) and Henri de Boudeille have spent all their cash, so there's nothing for the bandits here. In Henri's case that's because he lost all three bets he placed.
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Bawdy houses | AH + FC | VdF + FC | JJdG + FC | |
| DBT + FC | TC + FC | |||
| AA + FC | HS + FC | |||
| ID + FC | CA: Mug 0 | |||
| HdB + FC (G): Mug 0 | ||||
| AdO + FC | ||||
| Practising | NM - Rapier | HS - Rapier | FdB - Sabre | FdB - Sabre |
| BS - Rapier | VdF - Sabre | NM - Rapier | BS - Rapier | |
| FS - Rapier | ZvT - Rapier | JJdG - Rapier | FS - Rapier | |
| HS - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | BS - Rapier | VdF - Sabre | |
| VdF - Sabre | DBT - Rapier | FS - Rapier | SBC - Rapier | |
| JdG - Rapier | ElF - Sabre | HS - Rapier | BT - Rapier | |
| DJA - Sabre | ID - Sabre | JiT - Sabre | AH - Sabre | |
| LR - Rapier | JH - Sabre | SBC - Rapier | CBL - Sabre | |
| DJA - Sabre | AH - Sabre | JdG - Rapier | ||
| BdV - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | ElF - Sabre | ||
| DBT - Rapier | RS - Sabre | |||
| ElF - Sabre | CdF - Cutlass | |||
| RS - Sabre | PAM - Rapier | |||
| CdF - Cutlass | ID - Sabre | |||
| ID - Sabre | MD - Sabre | |||
| JH - Sabre | JH - Sabre | |||
| SDS - Sabre | DJA - Sabre | |||
| HdB - Sabre | LR - Rapier | |||
| DJA - Sabre | ||||
| LR - Rapier | ||||
| BdV - Rapier | ||||
| Regimental Duties | JJdG | CBL | IP | |
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not a member of a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level; ???? = unknown host. | ||||
Booty hunting
With the Spanish signing up to the Treaty of Nijmegen this month and the Imperials chased off, things are quiet in France's latest territorial gains. The Dragoon Guards potter around the area looking for trouble, but not finding it. CO "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick is briefly Mentioned in Despatches ("He's just pottering about") and finds a couple of hundred crowns from somewhere.
Charles Etfeevor adds the 13th Fusiliers to the siege of a last remaining Imperial outpost. Seeing of an attempt to relieve the siege earns him a more expansive Mention in Despatches ("Excellent work there, no reason why this fellow should have any taint of cowardice"), thus redeeming his earlier disgrace. He pockets the best part of a thousand crowns' worth of loot, which must also help with his self-esteem.
Lance A Little's battalion of the Picardy Musketeers is attached to Frontier regiment 4 and spends a happy month putting up stockades.