Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for July 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen's Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Viscount Thyme

Attn All Colonels or higher ranks:
As those in situ in service of the crown, I invite opinions on the need to appoint new Inspectors General.
† JJ
Minister of War

Despatches from the Front

In reference to recent defeatist letters labelled "A Dragoon", I want to make it completely clear that no trooper of the Dragoon Guards is responsible for this outrage. I have had one in four of the troopers - and their horses - whipped: "Pour encourager les autres".
I suggest Le Roi turn his wrath towards the Dragoon Brigade. My men want nothing but to charge headlong into the arrayed mass of the stroopwaffel-eating, dyke-building, Dutchies. Death or glory!
† Balzac Slapdash

A Fusilier writes:
"After all, out of "Death or Glory" there is one clear preferred outcome."

Social

Apologies for having to cancel my party, I was unexpectedly called to the Front.
† BLC

Gentlemen of Paris,
As usual during week 2, Miss Nifisent and I will again be dining at my club and be delighted to receive gentlemen and their ladies. Refreshments will be at my expense.
† Marquis Louis Renault

Personal

Scene, the Regimental Clerks' Office, GDMD.
    "Yes, M. Danseur, was there something else?"
    "There appears to be a mistake on my Commission. It states here that I now hold the rank of Captain."
    "Indeed so. Congratulations."
    "But I specifically asked to join the regiment as a Subaltern so I could become an Aide to Col Descartes! It's on my letter of application."
    "Oh dear. That's a pity. Never mind, you get more pay as a Captain."
    "Can't you just correct the mistake?"
    "Oh no, not that simple. We would need the Regimental Adjutant to establish an enquiry to investigate if there actually was a mistake and, if so, who was responsible and what should be done about it. Then the report would need to be written out in triplicate and approved by the Adjutant, your squadron commander and the Col. We might be able to get it done by the end of the month but..." Here the clerk waved a hand at the locked chests behind him, "all the papers have been packed away ready for us to leave for the front. And once we've paid you as a Captain, well you might as well just get used to being a Troop Commander. So, Congratulations, Captain Danseur, and welcome to the GDMD."

Lord Percy Percy says, as a short neck is in fashion, Felipe Savant is extremely fashionable.

His Majesty's Royal Foot Guards Regt
Messieurs,
My name is Steve de Sade: professional raconteur, gifted womaniser and the finest blade in all of South West France.
I look forward to tossing my orb amongst you - the cream of Parisian society.

"Tossing my orb"? Is that a euphemism?
† Le Roi

To:
    Baron (!) Claude de Nord, King's Musketeers
    Bvt Brigadier General de Nord
You have asked me to apologise so that I may be reconsidered for acceptance to the King's Musketeers... An interesting suggestion and one that I will definitely consider. In fact, I'd love to chat with you face-to-face, to share a few glasses of fine champagne and wholesome foods within the confines of a most prestigious establishment such as the Fleur de Lys.
Perhaps you and Lt Colonel X Change would therefore care to join me there upon our return from the Front in September. Shall we make it the first week of the month? And I'm sure that you'll be pleasantly surprised at the treat I have in store for you both, just to show that we can all be friends again etc.
    Sincere regards,
† Captain Toothpick

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

There was a young man from Anglet,
Who joined the Parisian set.
His social level is low,
But soon it will grow
Or de Sade will be very upset.
† SDS

Here's a lesson in siege education:
Know your Bastion from your contravallation;
Ditches and glacis, it's not too hard;
Know how to defend and enfilade;
Stay alert all day and night,
Keep the enemy held in tight.
Their remaining food will be Dutch cheeses
'Til they get typhus or some other diseases
You'll know the city is about to fall
When they use edam for cannonballs.
† FXC

Eulogy for Cock-a-trice
1 Say me no Nays, But me no Buts,
Young Cock was certainly brave.
So I opened him up to show he had guts
As I hurried him into his grave.
2 He also had brains in that little head,
But clearly knew not what they're for.
So I spilled them all out, when I cut him stark dead
And turned him to Chicken Chasseur.

In July, Agaric's career has its start:
A gentleman in Paris is his part.
He hopes that his story
Yields fortune and glory
And won't just fizzle out like a fart.
† Agaric Champignon