Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for November 1676 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 4th July 2025.
Game Report for October 1676
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
As Autumn progresses, Paris is still in uproar over the unexpected death of the Minister of State, Beau Reese Jean Seine. And this continues as the trial of his killer, Terence Cuckpowder, approaches - even though this is on unrelated charges. However, there are affairs of honour to be settled first.
And first are Come Asiouar and Camille de Polignac, who have come to blows over a lady's affections. Camille is the beefier of the two, but Come has a strong arm and wields a sabre against Camille's rapier. Zeold von Tu attends as Come's second; Bernard de Lur-Saluces fulfils the same role for Camille. Despite his inferior expertise, Camille shows some cleverness as he blocks Come's initial slash and dodgers the following cut. This means his lunge draws the first blood. Then his lack of skill shows as Come is able to hit him with a slash. The two men recover and strike together: another lunge from Camille, a second slash from Come. That is enough for Camille, who concedes.
After getting himself bandaged, Camille decides that he's not badly enough injured to cry off his second fight. Thus he squares up to Claude de Nord, his rapier against a sabre again. Frank X Change is Claude's interesting choice as second: "Claude, are you sure you want a member of your enemy regiment to second you in a duel against a member of your friendly regiment?" The answer seems to be yes, while Bernard is still with Camille. When the swords cross, Camille suddenly realises that he's not up to this and surrenders without a blow being struck. This does not improve his social standing.
Having dealt with his seconding duties, Frank moves on to his own duel, against Elroi le Flingue. Louis Severin Descartes has a quandary. Both men have called him as their second. He makes it clear that he will intervene against either side: "which won't be necessary as you two will fight a fair and gentlemanly duel," he tells them. As well as having the same second, the two men are of similar build and skill. Only Elroi's use of a sabre versus Frank's rapier sets them apart. Expecting a quick lunge, Elroi parries. He is taken by surprise when Frank applies his boot instead of his blade. Despite this, Elroi hits Frank twice with a slash and a cut. However, as Elroi regains his balance after his attack, Frank gets in two lunges in quick succession. This is enough for Elroi and he surrenders.
Neither Charles PiedLuminaire nor Justin Cartier turns up for their duel, despite their dispute over Mlle Bott. Steve De Sade, on the other hand, is ready and willing to cross swords with Agaric Champignon. But Agaric has better things to do.
The Cuckpowder Hunter
On a drab October morning, with a light smattering of rain falling upon the streets of Paris, a large crowd has gathered outside of the Court eager to gain entry to watch what many are calling the trial of the decade and others, somewhat diminutive others (!), are referring to as "Cuckpowder's Come-uppance"!
A number of gentlemen of prominence are also to be spotted amongst the general throng, clutching papers and looking intense as they push through the crowds into the Court building. This causes a mixture of reactions from the common folk: deference from some, indignation from others. Suddenly, from around the corner sound several loud trumpet blasts. There is a clatter of hooves and the rattling of a heavy cart upon the cobbles that bring the crowd to turn towards their rear. A moment later, a large black coach adorned with the crest of the Commissioner of Public Safety heralds the arrival of both said Commissioner and today's prisoner, Count Terence Cuckpowder; The prisoner is held, heavily manacled, in a large cage at the rear of the coach.
Marching in ranks behind the Coach come the CPS's Tangerine 'Guards': 12 orange-garbed midgets, carrying size-adapted halberds and sporting menacing looks at both the crowd and the prisoner. The doors to the Coach open and France's vertically challenged Commissioner of Public Safety emerges. He barks orders and two tall aides, also dressed in orange uniforms, heft the CPS onto their shoulders and carry him into the Court. The prisoner follows swiftly behind, albeit still contained within the cage that has been lowered from the coach and wheeled into the building.
Once everyone has taken their respective places, with quiet ensured amongst the members of the general populace who were fortunate to secure a seat (including Henri DuShite and Louis Severin Descartes), Commissioner Toothpick wastes no time in addressing the trial judge.
"Your Most Esteemed Judgeness, may I begin by expressing my sincere thanks to you for presiding over today's case which is no doubt a great surprise to you. To be sitting there, in the chair of the late, much-lamented friend of King and people, undoubtedly a man who was
a patron to you in the past, Count Beau Reese Jean Seine. The great Count Seine was MURDERED barely a month ago, slaughtered as he sought to defend his honour, by a notorious fiend who stands before you...
over there, in that cage... Him, yes, that brute!
"Now, I appreciate, your Most Esteemed Judgeness, that you are as keen as I am to get straight to the Guilty verdict and then have Cuckpowder tossed into the Seine while still manacled in that cage - very commendable of you. However, justice must be seen to be done, so may I suggest we allow these fine gentlemen, who have come to act as witnesses for the Prosecution, to have their say and THEN we can get on to the Guilty verdict and tossing Cuckpowder into the Seine."
The CPS calls several witnesses to back up his case. "M. le Judge," begins the first. "I am [about to be] Colonel le Marquis Camille de Polignac. I am Chef du Regiment of the Royal Foot Guards, and have been Mentioned in Dispatches 13 times. I am here because our beloved Minister of State, Beau Reese Jean Seine, the former RFG commander, was killed. It is not in dispute that he was killed by Terence Cuckpowder. Count Cuckpowder says it was a matter of honour and, as such, not subject to Justice. I have evidence that honour has nothing to do with what the Count has done and why he did it.
"Cuckpowder came to my attention earlier this year, in April, when he killed a man in a duel involving a woman. He had been in Paris for many years and had risen in status and wealth, but he never seemed to actually do anything. His life appeared to consist of three activities:
1. Training, and there is no denying that he has become deadly in the context of the duelling ground;
2. Courting, yet he appeared to only court women who already had partners. A duel would then be fought, but he did not seem very interested in the "prize" he had won; and
3. Providing financial support to new men coming into Paris.
"What was missing from this resumé was meaningful service to France and a means by which this man could support his lifestyle and the network of grateful and dependant junior officers he was creating. What I saw was an individual who had access to the highest levels of French society and its government, money with no clear source, cultivating a network of supporters and the means to create, through "affairs of honour", a pretext for attacks upon members of the government and senior military officers. The threat to France could not be ignored. As then second in command of the RFG, I had men under my command who could move throughout Paris unnoticed and observe events. What is more common than a couple of soldiers in regimental uniform moving through the city? I instructed two privates of A Company, Privates Olivier De Crockett and Raymond de Tubbs, who commenced to follow Cuckpowder about his affairs in May. What they saw was disturbing, to say the least.
"Cuckpowder attended several times at the Embassy Quarter, but only went to one place: the park at the corner of Rue Hesupto and Chemin des Nogood, directly across from the English embassy. He met there a man who is known to work at the English embassy, the Ambassador's Chief of Staff, Sir Winston Handler. On one occasion, Sir Winston gave Cuckpowder a bag. He then attended at La Banque du Monde, at the corner of Rue de Payoff and Chemin des Hesaspy. He left a few minutes later, without the bag. I have here the sworn, witnessed, written statement of these two brave men, who sadly, were lost in action defending our beloved France this summer, while Cuckpowder was enjoying our cherished city.
"I decided to investigate further and attended at La Banque du Monde, where I met with M Theodore J. Mooney, a senior banking representative. He advised me that Cuckpowder had opened an account at the bank in May and deposited the sum of 5,000 Crowns into the bank. I have here M Mooney's sworn, witnessed, written statement to this effect. M Mooney has since emigrated to New France, having expressed an interest in bringing modern banking techniques to the New World.
"Cuckpowder must have learned that the Guards were on to him, because in June, while we were at the Front fighting France's enemies, he was in Paris, courting Minister Seine's partner and then, two weeks later, discarding her and courting my own. Why would someone do such a thing? It does not appear that he was interested in Seine's partner. He disregarded her almost immediately. What he did achieve was the pretext for l'affaire d'honneur with the Minister of State and the then Aide to the Field Marshal, persons necessary to the operation of the French government, under the direction of our brave and wise King, of course, and someone useful to the operation of our Army on campaign.
"There is a more sinister truth than that, even. Beau Reese Jean Seine was Minister of State. Part of his duties were to act as Judge in a trial of this nature. Cuckpowder knew he was under suspicion. He appeared to be taking money from the English government. So what did he do? He created a pretext to get close to the Minister of State with sword in hand and murderous intent. He killed the man who would act as his Judge. That's right, Your Honour, the man on trial before you kills Judges. This was a strategy to avoid justice, not an affaire d'honneur. Not a duel, but an assassination under the pretext of a duel. Do not let him now escape his just punishment."
Next into the witness box is Baron Claude de Nord. "Lords, Ladies and your honour. I am unsure exactly how I can assist the court but despite my reservations concerning Tiny Teeny Toothpick, I will tell the truth. Only a few days ago I was strolling the streets and avenues of Paris, taking in the sights, thanking the Lord that I survived at the front, and that I did my duty for France and the King. I am something of a flâneur at times. Wandering about, I noticed Terence Cuckpowder conversing with a weaselly-looking oik just outside Bank de Calais, a financial establishment known to have suspicious links to the English.
"I bid the defendant a good morning, he replied likewise. The weasel however spoke loud and clear, 'Morning old chap.' Was he English? He certainly sounded English. The defendant made a joke and the weasel scuttled into the bank. That was not all: just before that, the defendant thrust a large purse - almost certainly bulging gold as I could see some coinage protruding from the top - into the paws of the weasel.
"When I enquired what the defendant was about, he grew angry, his face bright red with rage. When he placed his hand on his sword I was surprised and concerned that he would attack me, so I withdrew immediately. I have no idea what he was doing outside that bank with that Englishman, with that money."
From the dock Terence responded "Then you raise the tariffs? The incident is fabricated. As some Parisians are aware I donate large sums from my own pocket to the impecunious arrivals in Paris and have no need for money from others. Given that I don't speak that detestable language from the land of warm beer, your suggestion that you speak it fluently might be thought to indicate your dubiousness, but I am sure you learned it in the service of his Majesty."
A Few Good Men
A statement from Colonel Hugh Jeneaux, the Chancellor of the Exchequer and currently serving in the Netherlands, is read to the court. "I have met M Cuckpowder several times. I feel confident that I might be able to pick him out in a crowd if he was wearing something distinctive. From my knowledge of his character, I believe that he could be guilty of something or other. If not, he is probably innocent. This is a statement of truth." Thierry glowers at this unhelpful intervention.
Grudgingly, the CPS allows the accused to present his defence. "Gentlemen, it appears our Commissioner of Public Safety has problems with honour. Gentlemen cross swords honourably, and no one enters the field of honour intent on killing. Sadly, our esteemed Minister of State decided to continue to fight when wounded and walked into my second blow. None doubt his bravery and I will be holding a wake in his memory in week two next month. He died gloriously: honour him.
"On our CPS's accusations of cowardice, I point merely to my military record. A year ago my post precluded military service in a regiment, Now I have a position leading France's premier Brigade. I can confirm that we will be off to war in the winter, once the men have relaxed and enjoyed their well-earned leave.
"As to mistresses, those flowers we sip and adore, none are anything but transient. We dally, we love, but they are lilies of the field. No man in honour hates over a mistress shifting her affections. I have lost more mistresses than most, yet I bear no ill will. We cross blades in honour, we move on. Had I attempted a dalliance with a man's wife I would deserve the condemnation of all.
"Sirs, we have a duty to His Majesty to keep ourselves as fit as may be so when we serve His Majesty we do so honourably. Such is the reason many practice their weapons. I give to the less well off in Parisian society from my own funds. It is the honourable thing to do. I respect our CPS's right to his opinions, but I am saddened by his attempt to mar the honour of our deceased Minister of State by suggesting that such a honourable man would have sought my arrest after a duel. As I said, I think our Commissioner has problems with honour.
"Gentlemen, I beg your consideration, and ask that this charge be rejected. I remain His Majesty's servant, Terence Cuckpowder."
Then Arent Hayes strode into the witness box to give his evidence as a Witness for the Defence of Terence Cuckpowder. "Your Honour, Commissioner, my Lords, Ladies, common folk and tiny orange people, I bring some startling evidence. I have no doubt in my mind that Count Cuckpowder is guilty of all charges our worthy Commissioner levels against him - the evidence is all there, including the brutal slaying of our last Minister of State in cold blood. However, he is entirely Innocent!"
Arent waits patiently for the tumult in court to die down before proceeding. "I have been instructed by my mentor Sammy Phipps to look into occult practices being used by our enemies and the shadowy Hapsburg Secret Society, 'The Dominion'. My research has shown that they have perfected a procedure called 'manchuria candidate' in which the victim is coerced into a trance-like state at the utterance of a trigger word. The Count is testament to the success of their witchcraft - he, without any knowledge
of what he is doing, carried out the deeds at the command of another, the real villain of the piece. I have submitted my evidence to the CPS last month and I now publicly name him as... BARON CLAUDE DE NORD! I think we know this is why the Commissioner resigned so hurriedly from the King's Musketeers - he was trying to be discreet and avoid a scandal."
"Ha! Ha! Poppycock!" interjects Baron Nord, now in the public gallery.
A further clamour in the gallery is Count Justin Thyme demanding to be heard. Given leave to address the court, he states "To me it seemed liked a fair duel, but unfortunately with only one survivor, we can never really know the truth. But I find it very suspicious that both of the seconds, Jean Jeanie and Zavier Ulric Turenne, did not attend the duel. Their innocence or guilt should be investigated first, to find out if they were complicit in the death of Count Reese Jean Seine. Only after this full investigation, should Count Cuckpowder be on trial."
"Tiny" Thierry Toothpick has been waiting impatiently through these interruptions. He waves aside Justin's interjection and regains his feet clambers onto his box. "Your Most Est Judgeness, you have heard the evidence outlined by the various Prosecution witnesses today, doubtless taking great heed of each and recognising the strength of the case against the prisoner. To any who have claimed the prisoner innocent and to the fiend himself, that despicable murderer Cuckpowder, I equally expect your thoughts were the same as mine: lies, lies and more damned lies. There couldn't be a more open and shut case than this!
"At this juncture it's right that I inform the court we have one final witness, in fact, not just any old final witness but a voice from the grave - a letter that was delivered to me the very morning that Count Seine lost his life. Allow me to read it. Ahem," he coughs before starting to read. "'My Dear Commissioner Toothpick, if you have received this letter, it means that I am now dead! Murdered, I suspect, by the snake within the bosom of Paris, Count Terence Cuckpowder. As you know I have been aware of his nefarious doings for some time: his involvement with England and how his English paymasters have tasked him with killing every Frenchman of merit upon the duelling field by stealing their women. It's shocking, Commissioner, truly shocking. Hence why I needed you to arrest him. Unfortunately, it's clear that he's got to me before I could expose him in the Courts. I now leave that to you and my successor as Trial Judge, whoever that may be. Get him, Thierry, get the rogue, have him found guilty and then thrown into the Seine so at least a Seine can be his end!! Your dear friend and regimental Commander, plus MoS Count BRJS.'
"In summary I ask you to pronounce the only verdict justly awardable today: GUILTY! And the only sentence appropriate for the crimes of the prisoner: DEATH! This latter feel free to leave to me and my lads, we'll sort it out while you retire to have a well-deserved glass or two from a couple of fine bottles of cognac that I've had left for you back in your chambers."
As well as the witnesses' testimony, the judge has received representations from prominent Parisians (and their ladies). Camille de Polignac, Jean Jeanie and Rick Shaw all support the CPS and lobby for Terence's conviction. (Camille then borrows heavily to cover his lobbying costs...) So does Claude de Nord, but isn't 'noisy' enough to affect the judge. Conversely, Greg de Bécqueur, Justin Thyme and Louis Renault support the accused and insist he is not guilty. Weighing up what he has heard, read and been paid, the judge can only come to one verdict. He reaches for his black cap before declaring, "Guilty!" And the sentence: "Death!"
The Great Escape
However, as the little orange men start to wheel the cage towards the riverbank, Terence calls on His Majesty to commute the sentence. And he is a man who has the King's ear. Or, rather his mistress does. His plea is supported by Greg, another man whose lady friend has some pull. The King weighs up the pros and cons and orders the sentence commuted. Confiscation of his assets means Count Cuckpowder continues his life in Paris. Albeit without a crown to his name. While the Exchequer and the CPS are substantially better off.
Despite the improvement in his financial circumstances, this is too much for Toothpick. He explodes, "You English rogue, the whole thing has been a stitch-up! Well, you'll not outsmart Thierry Toothpick, oh no... not next time! And that goes for you, too, Major Arent Hayes! How dare you come into Court and seek to make an ass of the judicial system with your claims that he's guilty but he's innocent. You rascal, you anarchist, you villain!" And the small man starts scribbling furiously on fresh parchment...
An Officer and an Arquebusier
The excitement of the trial out of the way, more mundane matters are at hand. Cardinal's Guard Major Frank X Change uses his influence to persuade his superior to resign as Lieutenant-Colonel. And then he takes command of the regiment by buying his way to Colonel.
New arrival Dee Jean Aise applies to Stephane Etrange to join the Crown Prince Cuirassiers, but is rejected out of hand. And he's borrowed the funds to pay his way and all. There's better news for fellow newcomer Thibault Chanson de Skye (who's also taken out a loan). Accepted into the 69th Arquebusiers, he buys the rank of Major, making him the senior officer of the regiment.
Private Steve De Sade becomes a junior officer by buying the rank of Subaltern in Grand Duke Max's. This allows him to accept Brigadier-General Louis Severin Descartes's offer to be his Aide. "The unwashed wine mugs and unfiled documents in Dragoon Brigade Command are piling up to unhealthy levels," explains Louis. "De Sade did a great job with the stables last month, let him arise to higher responsibilities."
Further up the hierarchy, Second Army commander General Ben e'Volence asks Stephane Etrange to take on Quartermaster-General, but gets no reply.
Percival Puffington has had enough of Paris for this quarter and volunteers the Picardy Musketeers for active service. They are joined on the road north by the first squadron Crown Prince Cuirassiers, led by Lt-Colonel François de Blanchefort and containing reluctant troopers like Vaux de Fon.
Good Morning, Paris!
Stephane Etrange starts his month by taking Thomasina to Hunter's. Here he showers her with gifts as thanks for declining the nefarious advances of other 'men' during his absence. It's all very conspicuous. Shame there's such a small audience in Hunter's...
Louis Renault's memorial for Yve Stanbul at the Fleur in week two is very well attended. But with so many Parisians in one place, disagreements are inevitable - mostly over competing regimental uniforms. Thus, sole Dragoon Guard Balzac Slapdash has words with Con Stantinople, Ian Dediette and Justin Thyme of the Queen's Own Carabiniers. Thibault Chanson de Skye discovers the down side of leading the 69th Arquebusiers - he exchanges challenges with Royal Marines Chemin de Fer and Marcel Hatch Dupree. And Sebastian Blanc-Chevaux of the 53rd takes on Arent Hayes and Stephane Etrange as they're both in the Crown Prince's.
However, the biggest excitement comes when the diminutive figure of Major (as he now is) Thierry Toothpick plucks at Arent's sleeve. Arent ignores this intrusion into his argument with Sebastian, but turns round when he feels a sharp point prodding his backside. Thierry is backed by two large orange men who grab Arent by the arms while the broadly grinning CPS serves him with an arrest warrant.
There's also some entertainment at the gaming tables to distract the guests. Jean Jeanie goes for a flutter, but his proposed 30-crown bets are disdained by the croupier. "Ze 'ouse minimum ees 200 crowns, Monsieur," he sneers in a strange accent. In a quieter corner of the club, Ben e'Volence is willing to accept guests. No-one shows up.
A major topic of discussion is the fate of Agaric Champignon. He was last seen outside Notre Dame with feathery contraptions like wings strapped to his arms, declaring his intention to "fly like an eagle" from the top of the cathedral's north tower to the sea Palais des Tuileries. It is assumed the unidentifiable body later found at the foot of the tower is his.
Later the Fleur sees Jacques Hatt hosting those serving with Third Army in a team-building exercise. Strangely, several Parisians who are not in Third Army present themselves at the club, only to be turned away. And Thibault and Marcel renew their dispute from their previous encounter.
Who was where: in the clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | JiT + Guinevere | JJ(G) + Jacky | TTT + Madelaine | JJ + Jacky |
| TTT + Madelaine | BeV + Lotte | GdB + Bette | CdP + Kathy | |
| FXC + Frances | CdP + Kathy | CdP + Kathy | ||
| RS + Therèse | LR + Maggie | JH + Cath | ||
| LSD + Edna | . ZUT + Laura | . TCdS | ||
| . JH + Cath | . NM + Vera | . MHD | ||
| GdB + Bette | . JS | . SE + Thomasina | ||
| CdP + Kathy | . BS + Alison | . LSD + Edna | ||
| . FS + Fifi | ||||
| . TCdS | ||||
| . HS + Sue | ||||
| . JiT + Guinevere | ||||
| . TTT + Madelaine | ||||
| . ZvT + Lucy | ||||
| . MHD | ||||
| . HWB | ||||
| . SBC | ||||
| . AH | ||||
| . SE + Thomasina | ||||
| . PDT + Sal | ||||
| . BLC + Eve | ||||
| . JdA + Carole | ||||
| . ElF | ||||
| . MdG + Chris | ||||
| . CdF | ||||
| . LSD + Edna | ||||
| . GdB + Bette | ||||
| . CS + Anne | ||||
| . ID | ||||
| . DJA | ||||
| Outside Fleur | NM (JH) | |||
| BS (JH) | ||||
| FS (JH) | ||||
| Bothwell's | CdN | CdN | ||
| Hunter's | HF + Violet | HF + Ella | HF + Ella | |
| SE + Thomasina | JdA + Carole | SE + Thomasina | ||
| Blue Gables | CS + Anne | AA | AA | |
| CS + Anne | ||||
| Frog & Peach | HS + Sue | JS | ||
| MD + Belle | CPL + Lois | |||
| Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Crown Prince; (id) = expected host; bold = first visit to new club; underline = first time mistress seen in public with this beau. | ||||
The Dirty almost-two-dozen
At the Races |
|
|---|---|
| Where | Week 4 |
| Prix d'Or | LSD + Edna |
| . ZUT + Laura | |
| . NM + Vera | |
| . JS | |
| . BS + Alison | |
| . FS + Fifi | |
| . TCdS | |
| . JiT + Guinevere | |
| . TTT + Madelaine | |
| . ZvT | |
| . MHD | |
| . HWB | |
| . AH | |
| . PDT + Sal | |
| . BLC + Eve | |
| . JdA | |
| . AA | |
| . ElF + Lucy | |
| . MdG + Chris | |
| . GdB + Bette | |
| . CS + Anne | |
| . ID | |
| . CdN | |
| . CPL | |
| . MD + Belle | |
| . SDS | |
| . DJA | |
| . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled. | |
October ends with Louis Severin Descartes sponsoring a horse race, The Grand Duke Max Trophy - in memory of Brigadier-General Chris P Bacon who led the GDMD back in 1662. (Louis is also sponsoring Ignace Pardaillon, it seems: "Poor lad came back empty-handed from the campaign and the GDMD look out for each other".) The race attracts a good half of Parisian society - though those sniping from the outside note that it's mostly drawn from the lower half of society. Including the host himself, 23 runners line up for the start of the race. The smart money has Balzac Slapdash and Justin Thyme as favourites. The rest of the field is close together, though all agree that Martin de Garnache (the new Lt-Colonel of the RFG) is the man least likely to win.
However, it's Con Stantinople who takes the early lead, going into the first corner two lengths ahead of his nearest rivals. This gives him a clear run while Justin jostles with Louis Severin Descartes in second place. "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick is just behind them. At the front of the pack are Pierre De Terre, Zavier Ulric Turenne and Charles PiedLuminaire. The second rank comprises Balzac Slapdash, Elroi le Flingue, Maurice Danseur (looking natty in his latest outfit - possibly not the best choice for the race), Arent Hayes and Ian Dediette. Then it's Greg de Bécqueur, Zeold von Tu and Dee Jean Aise. In the rearmost rank are Steve De Sade, Claude de Nord (riding Puffycloud, his "extremely flatulent" horse), Felipe Savant, Jean d'Aubergine and Neville Moore - apart from Thibault Chanson de Skye and Botte Le Chimiste, who are lagging behind a bit, but ahead of Martin.
The horses (and riders) clear the corner and thunder down the back straight, allowing the jockeys to show what they're made of. Or, rather, how fast their horses are. The field has spread out by the time they arrive at the second (and final) corner and Louis is now in the lead, having got an amazing turn of speed out of his mount. Justin is not quite as fast, but is right on his tail and Thierry, just as speedy, is only just behind. Con's horse (Pharlap) appears to be blown as he's going backwards
into the pack and is caught by the fast Charles and Maurice. Ian is right behind this group with Elroi just after him. Then it's a languishing Pierre alongside Arent, Balzac, Dee, Greg, Zeold and an unexpectedly fast Neville. The tail starts with Botte, Jean and Zavier, followed by Felipe, Steve and Thibault. Claude has been dropped and Martin is still a length adrift.
After the final corner, it's a sprint for the finish. Louis's turn of speed continues without faltering and his horse crosses the line two lengths ahead of his nearest rival, the not-quite-as-speedy Justin. This means he wins back half of the prize pot he put up! Thierry is third, just behind Justin, with plenty of clear air between him and fourth placed Zeold, despite him getting the most from his horse at the end. The rest of the pack has closed up. Arent, Botte, Charles and Ian are only a length behind as joint fifth. Equal ninth goes to Balzac, Con, Elroi and Maurice another length back. Then come Jean and Thibault, joint 13th. On their tails are Neville, Pierre and Steve as equal 15th. Dee, Greg and Zavier are together in joint 18th. Claude is 21st and Martin is only joint last, alongside Felipe.
The sad news is that a clash between Thibault and Steve's horses at the final corner has left both knackered (despite their speed on the final straight - I blame adrenaline and spurs) and pistol shots signal their end.
Still covered in mud, the racers join their ladies and the spectators - Armand Alsace, Hector William Booth, Justin Saad and Marcel Hatch Dupree - for drinks in the club. This allows regimental rivalries to rear their head again. Balzac has another set-to with Con, Ian and Justin, while Marcel and Thibault exchange insults for the third time. And Zeold has to suffer seeing his erstwhile mistress now on Elroi's arm - a duel will follow.
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Sue | Out | Out | ||
| Kathy | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| CA fails | CA fails | CA fails | ||
| Anne | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Belle | Out | Out | ||
| Chris | Out | Out | ||
| Lotte | Out | |||
| Frances | Out | Out | ||
| Laura | Out | Out | ||
| Violet | Out | |||
| Lois | CPL succeeds ex-HJ | Out | ||
| IP fails | ||||
| Lois's doorstep | JC | |||
| IP | ||||
| Ella | HF succeeds | Out | Out | |
| ID fails | ||||
| Lucy | ZvT at home | Out | ElF succeeds ex-ZvT | Out |
| Lucy's doorstep | JdA | |||
| ElF | ||||
| Vera | Out | Out | ||
| Sal | Out | Out | ||
| Freda | CdF fails | |||
| Freda's doorstep | JC | |||
| CdF | ||||
| DJA st.down | ||||
| Thomasina | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Maggie | Out | |||
| Cath | Out | Out | ||
| Eve | Out | Out | ||
| Fifi | Out | Out | ||
| Guinevere | Out | Out | Out | |
| Madelaine | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Jacky | Out | Out | ||
| Jacky's doorstep | TCdS | |||
| CdN | ||||
| Bette | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Alison | Out | Out | ||
| Carole | Out | Out | ||
| Edna | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Therèse | Out | |||
| Morgane | TC at home | TC at home | ||
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover; st.down = stood down to rivals. | ||||
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| In jail | AH | |||
| Bawdy houses | JS + FC | SDS(G 20) + FC | DJA + FC | HDS + FC |
| MHD + FC | CA + FC | |||
| HWB + FC | ||||
| SBC + FC | ||||
| AH + FC: Mug 0 | ||||
| AA + FC: Mug 0 | ||||
| ID + FC | ||||
| Practising | ZUT - Rapier | FXC - Rapier | ZUT - Rapier | HS - Rapier |
| NM - Rapier | HDS - Cutlass | JJ - Rapier | SBC - Rapier | |
| BS - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | HS - Rapier | JC - Rapier | |
| FS - Rapier | RS - Sabre | JiT - Sabre | FXC - Rapier | |
| HDS - Cutlass | CPL - Sabre | ZvT - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | |
| PDT - Sabre | MD - Sabre | HWB - Rapier | RS - Sabre | |
| BLC - Sabre | JH - Sabre | SBC - Rapier | BeV - Sabre | |
| JdG - Rapier | BdLS - Cutlass | JC - Rapier | JH - Sabre | |
| MdG - Rapier | HDS - Cutlass | BdLS - Cutlass | ||
| BeV - Sabre | PDT - Sabre | LR - Rapier | ||
| IP - Sabre | BLC - Sabre | |||
| BdLS - Cutlass | JdG - Rapier | |||
| LR - Rapier | MdG - Rapier | |||
| RS - Sabre | ||||
| CdF - Cutlass | ||||
| BeV - Sabre | ||||
| MD - Sabre | ||||
| SDS - Sabre | ||||
| BdLS - Cutlass | ||||
| LR - Rapier | ||||
| Regimental Duties | SDS | IP | ||
| Doing nothing | TC -club | TC -club | ||
| Visiting His Maj | JJ | |||
| Attending mass | FXC + Frances | |||
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not in a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level. | ||||
As if braving the footpads wasn't enough, Steve De Sade risks a couple of bets while he's at a Bawdyhouse. The stakes are low - just 10 crowns - which is some relief when he loses both. Meanwhile Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux deliberately has an extra 10 crowns on him when he visits the red-light district "for any destitute wretches who shake me down."
Stripped of his assets, Terence Cuckpowder has enough income to support himself. But the money runs out when it comes to paying his club dues and his membership of the Fleur lapses.
Casualty of War
After the capture of Philippsburg by Imperial forces last month, the French troops consolidate their holdings and rely on their fortifications. This is no good for the Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers, who find limited opportunity to exercise their horses. Colonel Hugh Jeneaux is disgruntled.
The conditions are more suited to the freshly arrived Picardy Musketeers. They fend off reconnaissance attacks by the Spanish, bringing a Mention in Despatches to CO Percival Puffington ("Plenty of puff"). He picks up a hundred crowns or so in booty.
François de Blanchefort's Cuirassier squadron is attached to Frontier regiment 2. Despite the defensive posture, François gets his men out into the countryside, which gets him a Mention. Then they run into a superior force of Dutch cavalry, but retire in good order, granting François a second MiD ("Good leadership"). Private Vaux de Fon survives a close encounter with a Dutch sabre to be brevetted a Subaltern.
Fed up with Third Frontier, Rusé le Renard tries to join the Royal North Highlanders, but is disappointed once again - "Bored and disappointed seems to be my default position," he muses. His desire for loot clouds his judgment and he is slightly recklessly brave. Oh dear. He sticks his head up at the wrong moment and gets a musketball in the brain. RIP.