Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for March 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

I despair of finding any stout fellows willing to take on the Tangerines in public. Will no one rid me of this turbulent pest?
A change of tack: offer a bounty of 3,000 Cr should the chief midget meet with an unfortunate accident whilst swimming in the Seine, carrying rocks on his person labelled “Morgane” and “Lois”.

Brave soldiers of France, let us to the enemies of his bountiful Majesty King Pevans take our swords. I will lead the Guards Brigade. Follow me!
† Cuckpowder

Official Arrest Warrant-in-Waiting, in lieu of a formalised full Warrant until His Majesty, King Pevans, has bestowed full office and powers upon His current Commissioner of Public Safety, Major Tiny Thierry Toothpick, that allow him to arrest AND sentence.
You are, in the interim, urged to hand yourself in to the Public Safety Ministry, C/o The Bastille, where you will be held pending trial, all charges to be made clear in good time. Voluntary self-surrender to this warrant will be looked upon favourably and may help to reduce future charge(s) and sentence, although no guarantee can be given dependent upon the level of your adjudged crime(s).
† His Majesty’s Commissioner of Public Safety
Major Tiny Thierry Toothpick

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen’s Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Count Thyme

To the members of the 2nd Foot Brigade
I’m bored with Paris. It’s no fun any more. It’s full of lawyers and devoid of parties!
What’s more, I’m fed up with not having a title to my name.
Be warned that I may just pack the whole bally lot of us to the front early this year just for a bit of action.
Speak up if that’s a problem (though be warned, I am VERY bored).
† Hugo Furst CO 2nd Foot Brig
PS anybody fancy being an Aide or Brigade Major?

B. Gen le Marquis Camille de Polignac requires an aide. Volunteers are requested to send their applications so that the chosen candidate can be hired by April.

** Aide Required **
I am looking for a competent aide.
Please contact me with your credentials.
† (Brevet) Bdr-General Count Thyme

Social

** Easter Egg Hunt – April Week 3 **
Join me in Le Jardin de Tuileries in April Week 3 for an Easter Egg Hunt. Open to social level 7 and above. Bring your ladies!
There will be a prize for the most eggs found and another for the lady with the most attractive Easter Bonnet.
† Con Stantinople
***********************************

Jacques As Memorial Stakes
His Highness the Dauphin is pleased to sponsor the sixth annual horse race in memory of the late Minister Jacques As. This takes place in week 4 of April and the Crown Prince is pleased to offer a prize fund of 5,000 crowns. Those taking part in the race are welcome to Toady to His Highness afterwards with their ladies.

    Officers of the Third Army are requested to join me at my club during week 2 to discuss our strategies for the coming summer campaign. Other officers and gentlemen who wish to contribute to the discussion are welcome to attend.
    During the discussion Miss Nifisent will entertain their ladies; all refreshments at my expense.
    Unfortunately, this invitation does not include members of the Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers due to their differences with my aide, Captain Pierre De Terre.
† Marquis Louis Renault

Personal

To Baron Hugh Jenneaux,
Sir, please allow me to salute you as a man of courage and honour. Last month, you faced 3 members of my regiment, the Grand Duke Max’s Dragoons, on the Field of Honour. You lost all three duels, of course, but I must commend you for being willing to face us all. You show yourself worthy of a better regiment than Archduke Leopold’s Cassowaries. I hope you will permit me to buy you a drink at some point.
Your servant,
† Major Maurice Danseur of Grand Duke Max’s Dragoons

Monsieur Dee Jean Aise,
My apologies for our recent petite dispute over the fair Thomasina. No offence meant – all is fair in love and war, as they say.
Yours,
† SdS

Cher Jacques Hatt, mon ami,
Your Third Army needs capable officers, and it is my pleasure to serve.
Let us serve together again as we did in the old days in the GDMD.
While I am a man of horses, commanding infantry will be a good new experience for me.
For the honour of France,
† Marquis Louis Severin Descartes

Du Nord,
Thank you so much for answering your own question with your treacherous deeds.
† Marquis Louis Severin Descartes

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made Commissioner of Public Safety should on no account be allowed to do the job for a second term.

    “The little orange buggers are everywhere. I had to upend the one following me into a midden before I arrived,” sighed Arent Hayes, wiping his boots clean with a stick.
    “Yes, the DOMINION is getting bolder. They control the King’s Musketeers, the CPS and are making headway in the Royal Foot Guards. This month they are targeting loyal Frenchmen like Thyme and Severin Descartes. Even ladies of the court are at risk. I think “Tiny” may have overstretched himself with that one; my sources tell me that he is a small man in the bedroom as well as in stature,” mused Sammy Phipps. “How did you get on at the front?”
    “It was as you expected. We followed “Tiny” to that secret meeting in Utrecht with his Spanish handlers. They are planning something big in the Summer campaign. My men are on the case,” said Hayes.
    “Cuckpowder?”
    “He seems to have calmed down with the medication – I don’t think he can be viewed as a threat any more.”
    “Chanson de Skye?”
    “I don’t know. I have no idea why he went for me unless he was instructed to do so. He seems to be trying to curry favour with the others by hosting parties – I originally suspected he was trying to get some more “male friends”. He was very “limp-wristed” in our duel. Eight others supported his trumped-up allegation, so maybe DOMINION is making headway into recruiting others to its cause.”
    “Well, it looks like the game is well and truly afoot,” Sammy concluded. “Stay frosty and keep up the good work, Arent, old friend.”

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

A small man with small hands and a fragile ego,
He likes orange things that go where he goes,
Supported by his questionable friends
Who help him towards his questionable ends,
Doing things that are very shady,
Often abusing a vulnerable young lady,
We can thank God it’s not too late,
To get a dependable Minister of State

A Prayer for France
Where there is poison, let us bring purity;
Where there is doubt, let us bring surety;
Where there is devilry, let us be human;
Where there is discord, let us bring union;
Where there is darkness, let us bring light;
Where there is wrong, let us bring right;
Where there is despair, let us bring hope;
Where there’s a loose cannon, let us bring rope.
† FXC

Greg de Bécqueur’s testimony in defence of LSD:
If treason be the reason we stand in court today,
he time is come for rhymers, with hand on heart, to say:
There’s poetry in justice, and all of us can see
This man is just not guilty, so let him now walk free.

And in defence of JiT:
He didn’t do it; he wasn’t there.
He didn’t want it; he wouldn’t dare.

I visited the Maître’s salle, one afternoon
And to my surprise, found both Cuirassier and Dragoon.
I came expecting Tibault’s work to discuss,
But not with a sabre or a cutlass.
And yet, the Maître d’Armes chose to start
And give an introduction to the true art.
He demonstrated different grips and stance,
And how to use the right angle for both attack and defence.
Afterwards, the Major, a Dragoon, I did enquire:
What now do you think of the rapier?
I swear, this thing is not for me
With all these circles and geometry!
When on my horse and in the fray I ride
With enemies to either side
The only skill I need to know
Is how to cleave a man from head to toe.
I gave him a jovial slap, saying, Let’s to my club and raise a glass
To all who wield a blade: the rapier, sabre, or the cutlass.
It matters not for us who Mother France do serve
Whether our blade is straight or comes with a curve.
Later, beholden by the wine maybe, the Major stood up to declare
It is clear to see my hefty sabre is superior to any pointy, flimsy rapier.
The Major’s pronouncements left me a little bemused
Unless a rapier with a practice fencing foil, he has confused.
My rapier is a most solid, balanced blade, and comes with an edge.
When she’s sharp, it takes no effort to cut through limb or even hedge.
† LR