Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for April 1677 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 9th January 2026.
Game Report for March 1677
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
Technically, March is the beginning of Spring, but you wouldn’t know it from the cold weather in Paris. Still, some brisk action with their preferred weapon will soon warm up duelling Parisians. First up, Terence Cuckpowder takes on Zeold von Tu. There’s little doubt how this will end: the beefy Terence is at full strength while medium-sized Zeold has old injuries hampering him. On top of this, Terence has superior skill and wields a sabre against Zeold’s rapier. At least Zeold has a second, Come Asiouar, to back him up. Terence’s second, Zavier Ulric Turenne, is indisposed. Terence’s expertise is evident as he parries Zeold’s initial lunge, pinks him with the riposte and then dodges a cut. Zeold surrenders before things can get worse.
In another part of the forest, there’s another rapier-sabre match-up. This one looks a bit more balanced as it is the larger man, Barthélemy Chifflet, who has the rapier and less expertise. Percival Puffington seconds Barthélemy while Dee Jean Aise and Louis Severin Descartes back up his opponent, Charles PiedLuminaire. The start of the duel is remarkably similar to the other one: Charles parries a lunge, ripostes (it’s just a scratch!) and jumps aside from the cut. Barthélemy doesn’t give up easily, though. Not even when Charles hits him with a slash. He responds with his own slash, but concedes after Charles’s second slash hits home.
Elsewhere, Rick Shaw is hovering just round the corner from his appointed meeting place. When his second, Justin Thyme, appears he takes a deep breath and pushes forward to face Balzac Slapdash. Rick’s nervousness is odd as he decidedly the bigger of the two, even if he’s not as skilled. And Balzac has some nasty injuries from last month’s bouts. Only when they cross swords does Balzac realise how poorly he is and promptly surrenders. However, Rick has already started a furious lunge and Balzac can add a lunge to his list of wounds.
Dee Jean Aise versus Steve De Sade is a duel of sabres. Steve is the bigger of the two, which may give him an advantage, and neither has a second. They start by dodging imaginary blows before Steve smacks Dee with a slash, unimpeded by Dee’s parry. A second slash hits before Dee gets in a lunge – not the best attack with a sabre. And a cut from Steve finishes the fight in his favour.
Beau Taux and his rapier have several duels lined up and choose to face Botte Le Chimiste first. This would be an even match-up if Botte wasn’t a sabre-wielder. Ian Dediette seconds Beau with Louis Severin Descartes seconding Botte. Botte expects a furious lunge and dodges it, but Beau hits him with an ordinary one. A slash from Botte is followed by a slash from Beau. Beau jumps back from Botte’s next slash only to be hit by the following cut. He surrenders. And is now sufficiently injured that he doesn’t need to face his other duelling opponents, François de Blanchefort and Hugo Serre.
This just leaves Claude de Nord’s two duels. However, he doesn’t show up to meet Frank X Change, nor Martin de Garnache – though there’s no sign of Martin either. Apparently, he’s “just realised that Cuckpowder has sent me to the front!”
Villains?
And so to the trials of the latest (and last) subjects of “Tiny” Thierry Toothpick’s warrants: Justin Thyme and Louis Severin Descartes. To a fanfare of trumpets, well little ones anyway, Commissioner of Public Safety Major Toothpick makes a decidedly audible entry into this month’s double trial hearing at the imposing judicial Court of the City of Paris. Surrounded by his entourage of diminutive orange-uniformed ‘Tangerines’, still blasting away at their trumpets, and held aloft by two 6'+ Tangerines the Commissioner cuts a peculiar sight. In addition to his commissioner’s robes and golden sash, he now sports a bejewelled gold crown as, in a barked retort to several overheard voices from the public gallery, “It’s because I am very important person, a Minister of the Crown and so I should at least wear one to reflect such!”
Our seemingly impatient Commissioner wastes no time with niceties or preamble launching himself straight into the role of Public Prosecutor for today’s two cases, Count Justin Thyme and Marquis Louis Severin Descartes. Stepping up onto a box that is placed before him by several of his Tangerines, Commissioner Toothpick takes a brief look at the two prisoners before turning to directly address the latest interim Minister of State who sits to hear the proceedings.
“Your Grace, may I first begin by sincerely apologising to you for the fact that the current laws of our fair land require you to waste your time in attending today. There should be within our legal framework a sub-section or two that grants full authority to me, as France’s most esteemed Public Safety Commissioner, the right to arrest, try and sentence those wretches who I array upon His Majesty’s behalf. A man of your busy schedule should not need to dally around in a Court room and be forced to hear any far-fetched pack of lies that prisoners such as these two standing in the dock are likely to conjure up in a desperate bid to evade the rightful justice coming to them! NOOOOOO… it’s utter nonsense… ludicrous… by the Almighty, it makes me so incensed!! The same goes for any traitorous upstart that seeks to give evidence in their defence. My faithful Ministry employees here,” he says, nodding towards several tables packed with members of his Tangerine entourage, scribbling away furiously with quill upon parchment, “They will be taking the names of anyone who speak up for the accused. All the names go into my ‘Special Book’ for future reference!”
“In fact, if you wish to leave now to attend to more important matters, I’m more than happy to have you just sign these two Guilty scrolls that I have here already prepared… you just pop your name next to the bits where it says ‘Verdict – Guilty’ and ‘Sentence – Death’. I can sort the rest out… Your Grace…?” Toothpick looks towards the Minister, raising a pair of parchments into the air. The names of the prisoners, with the words Guilty and Death are quite visible in bold lettering.
However, the Minister is unmoved by Thierry’s harangue and suggests that the prosecution should provide some evidence.
Having been rebuffed, his offer declined, Commissioner Toothpick visibly reddens in the cheeks, a few veins becoming prominent upon his brow as he puffs himself up and launches into a raging tirade. “They’ve bought you off, haven’t they? You’re in on it with the pair of them… the pair of them and that Cuckpowder traitor too…
all of you in on it together! TRAITORS… TRAITORS TO CROWN AND COUNTRY! Well, I’ll not be having it, you know. Don’t think you can outsmart me. Cuckpowder thought he’d done that
this month by despatching the Guards Brigade off to the Front, but what the fool failed to realise is that, if someone is no longer a part of the Guards Brigade, then they can’t be sent!! I’ve outwitted him, look…” With that Toothpick pulls open his commissioner’s robes to reveal the uniform tunic of the Dragoon Guards below it. “AH HA, see, got him! He can march off with the Guards, but I’m going nowhere except to the barracks of the Dragoon Guards to continue my investigations and actions against the raft of
miscreants currently infesting our city.”
“I shall be requesting a private audience with His Majesty, prevailing upon him to grant me unlimited arrest warrants along with either combining the posts of State Minister and Public Safety Commissioner or to have the law changed to allow me the role of CPS for life PLUS… PLUS… the right to both prosecute and sentence. That’ll soon get this country sorted out for the better! I care no more for this sham of a court room with its blatant Cuckpowder-inspired corruption! Gentlemen, I bid good day to you all. Do as you will, for what you evade today will catch up with you soon enough once the King is on my side. Until we meet again…”
With that, Toothpick clicks his fingers towards his Tangerines, who spring up, clear their tables and once more raise trumpets to lips for their march out of court at the heels of their boss.
As chatter immediately begins amongst those in the public gallery and various court ushers and minor officials confer as to what happens next, seeking guidance from the Minister of State, the doors to the court burst open again and Toothpick and his entourage reappear…
“Oh, I almost forgot,” he says. “Tsk, tut, silly me. I’ve a little something for each of you here today, everyone in this mockery of a court. These, to be precise… lads, dish ’em out!”
The Tangerines disperse amongst the Court and proceed to give a scroll to every person present, sealed with the official CPS emblem in bold red wax, before departing once more. To those that open what they’ve just been presented with, they are met with the words “Official Arrest Warrant-in-Waiting”. (See Press)
The departure of the prosecutor before opening his case is unprecedented. After discussions with the clerks, the Minister asks the two accused to present their defence. Justin Thyme is first to address the court.
“Excellence, I am totally confused as to why Sir Tiny has brought these charges of witchcraft, treason and perjury against me and my co-defendant Marquis Descartes,” begins Justin. “I have been nothing but loyal to his Majesty and his Government, so am speechless as to where these charges have come from. At first I assumed it was petty jealousy, Tiny only being a Sir, whereas Louis is a Marquis and I myself am a Count, but that cannot be the case, as surely he couldn’t be that petty, could he? So this must just be a case of mistaken identity.”
Count Thyme calls witnesses to refute the charges. “I call my Aide, Sir Ian Dediette, as my first witness,” he says. Ian is in court, but looks confused. So does Justin. “I know I wrote the letter,” he mumbles, scratches his head and pulls out the ‘letter’. “Ah…” he continues, “I really need an Aide…” Justin’s other witnesses are prepared. That’s Con Stantinople, Frank X Change, Greg de Bécqueur and Rick Shaw. Rick is brief: “he is of noble character and a good bloke. Innocent.”
Frank X Change may be over-prepared. Reading from extensive notes, he declaims, “Your Honour, I, Marquis Frank Xavier Change, Colonel of the Cardinal’s Guards and Minister of Justice, swear that the evidence I shall give is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Count Thyme is well known to Parisian society and myself as a military man of honour. In October in this courtroom, he gave a very fair and balanced report on the duel that led to the death of Count Beau Reese Jean Seine. On that occasion it was Count Cuckpowder on trial. Then in January Count Thyme also spoke in defence of Mlle Morgane le Fay On both occasions Count Thyme spoke the truth, there was no perjury.”
Turning to the dock, he continues, “Perhaps it would help if I tried to sum up for you the measure of both the man in the dock, and his accuser. Count Thyme is one of our unsung military heroes. He has led his regiment for many years, content to be there for his subordinate’s benefit. Indeed, it is his military prowess that has driven his rise through the nobility. There is no treason in bravely and nobly leading a premier regiment of France. He is also a man who defends the weak in their time of need – as demonstrated by his defence of Morgane Le Fay. This was not witchcraft, it was gentlemanly conduct.”
Moving on to the prosecutor, Frank continues, “Your Honour, I believe that the prior witness statements of Count Thyme became the motivation behind the arrest and current trial. Perhaps I should say a few words about the Commissioner of Public Safety as context for this arrest. It has been the case that I have been able to closely observe the accuser of the Commissioner of Public Safety, first in the King’s Musketeers and then more recently as a member of His Majesty’s Government. The Commissioner, despite his many limitations, is fully devoted to undertaking his duties to the maximum of his ability. They say that justice is blind. The Commissioner is so dedicated to his cause that he goes beyond that, when it comes to justice the Commissioner of Public Safety is blind deaf and dumb. He will leave no stone unturned to find guilty those who stand in his way.”
Sensing the Minister is running out of patience, Frank wraps up. “You will be aware, Your Honour, that the flurry of recent arrest warrants has exhausted the supply of parchment to the Commissioner’s Office. I think that the Commissioner has been so dedicated to the cause that he has overwhelmed himself with work and needs a good long rest. Somewhere with a soft bed where he and the rest of us can rest easy while he gets the care he deserves in return for his actions. Your Honour, my evidence demonstrates that Count Thyme is not guilty of the charges brought against him, and the Commissioner of Public Safety has misjudged the situation. Hopefully the latter will soon realise the error he has made.”
As soon as Frank sits down again, the Minister sighs with relief and quickly announces: “No case to answer. Next!” And next is Louis Severin Descartes, who presents his defence.
“My Lords, Your Honour, and assembled witnesses of common sense. I rise not to defend my honour, for that stands taller than any accusation tossed at it today. I rise only to sweep aside the pathetic debris left by one Sir Toothpick—whose name, by Providence, suits him well: thin in stature, thinner in intellect, and utterly devoid of substance.
“Witchcraft? If victory on the battlefield, loyalty to His Majesty, and the admiration of Paris are now sorcery, then perhaps I am guilty—guilty of achieving more in one campaign than Sir Toothpick has managed in a lifetime of trembling behind curtains.
“Treason? A curious charge to be thrown by a man who has never dared show his face within ten paces of danger—unless the danger is a mirror, in which case he flees at once.
“Perjury? My Lord, to accuse me of falsehood is to accuse day of being night. Every letter of my service record contradicts him. Every witness of my conduct contradicts him. The only perjurer in this farce is the man who mistook his envy for testimony and presented both to the court.
“My record, my service, my works for France speak louder than any slander. This court knows me. His Majesty knows me. Even my horses know me better than Sir Toothpick knows truth. And, as for my accuser, let it be entered into the record that today, beneath oath and scrutiny, he has produced not a single fact, not a single witness, and not even the faint scent of credibility. Only envy, shaken nervously in a paper-thin hand. Therefore, Your Honour, I request no mercy—only clarity. Let the court see that these accusations collapse upon the slightest touch, just like their author.
“I stand as I have always stood—for France, for honour, and for truth. And now, with your permission, I would like this farce concluded so that I may return to serving His Majesty while Toothpick returns to whatever hole he crawled from.”
Louis has a very similar list of witnesses as further support. Rick Shaw is mercifully brief: “He cannot be guilty – he throws some of the best parties in Paris.” Steve De Sade less so: “Ladies and Gentlemen of the court, the charges against Brigadier General Descartes are a disgrace; there is something sinister and grotesque happening right under our very noses [I don’t mean your moustache, your grace]. Witchcraft? Treason? Perjury? Preposterous. Here is a man of finance, a man of God, a man so French he oozes garlic and has red wine running through his very veins. The Brigadier General is innocent. Innocent, I tell you!”
Before the Minister can pronounce his verdict, others in the court insist on being heard. Maurice Danseur announces, “I am a supporter of Marquis Louis Severin Descartes who appointed me to the post of Brigade Major and is a thoroughly decent chap. I regard Baron Claude de Nord as having shown appalling taste in arresting the two gentlemen at Marquis Louis Renault’s party. I just hope he does not reinforce his bad behaviour by attending the trial in an orange outfit!” Terence Cuckpowder attacks the CPS, pointing out “his swollen ankles, his skin diseases, and his wandering tirades.”
Relieved that it’s all over, the Minister declares that he has never seen such a travesty. A fine upstanding citizen such as Louis should not have been incarcerated in the Bastille and have such slanderous accusations levelled at him. “He should leave with his head held high for he is clearly innocent.”
Rick Shaw rocking in the Dail
The big news in Government circles is the appointment of a new Minister of State. Camille de Polignac’s application is quickly dismissed as he simply does not meet the minimum requirements for the job. Rick Shaw, on the other hand, is not only qualified, but has the backing of notable Parisians such as Greg de Bécqueur and Louis Severin Descartes. Already a Minister, but without a portfolio, His Majesty is pleased to hand Rick the State ministry. While he might not be a suitable Minister of State, Camille is suited to the position of Minister of War. Calling in a couple of favours, he is able to persuade the King to entrust him with this portfolio. And elevate him to an Earldom.
In military circles, Hugo Serre is keen to advance to the rank of Major in the King’s Musketeers. First, though, he must persuade the incumbent to quit. He uses his influence in an effort to do this, only to find that “Tiny” Thierry Toothpick has put his weight behind the current Major, who stays in place.
Wishing to start a miliary career, new arrival Beaumes de Venise applies to join the 53rd Fusiliers. Much to his surprise, he is turned down. However, the 27th Musketeers are very pleased to sign him up. He remains a Private.
In contrast, another fresh face, Henri De Flection, is immediately recruited to the 13th Fusiliers by Hugo Furst. He buys himself a Captaincy.
The Grand Duke Max’s Dragoons is the target of the third to arrive in Paris, Maximilien de Piquemaire. Botte Le Chimiste is happy to accept him and his nice new loans let him become a Captain.
Finally, as already seen at the trial, “Tiny” Thierry Toothpick has quit the Royal Foot Guards to join the Dragoon Guards, courtesy of CO Balzac Slapdash. He quickly becomes a Major in his new regiment.
Where’s the party?
Who was where: in the clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | JiT + Guinevere | ZvT + Morgane | ZvT + Morgane | BeV + Lotte |
| ZvT + Morgane | . BLC + Eve | LR + Maggie | . VdF | |
| LSD + Edna | . MdP | |||
| . BLC + Eve | LR + Maggie | |||
| . ElF | . FdB + Freda | |||
| . SDS + Thomasina | . JS | |||
| BeV + Lotte | . BdV | |||
| . VdF | . BS + Therèse | |||
| GdB + Bette | . TCdS + Katy | |||
| JH + Cath | . JiT + Guinevere | |||
| . VdF | ||||
| . MHD | ||||
| . BT | ||||
| . AH | ||||
| . HDF | ||||
| . BC | ||||
| . ElF | ||||
| . RS | ||||
| . CdF + Jenny | ||||
| . LSD + Edna | ||||
| . CS + Anne | ||||
| . MD + Belle | ||||
| Outside Fleur de Lys | JH (GdB) | JH (GdB) | JH (GdB) | |
| SBC (LR) | ||||
| Bothwell's | HF + Ella | HF + Ella | HF + Ella | HF + Ella |
| TCdS + Katy | TCdS + Katy | TCdS + Katy | ||
| . CE | . PPuf + Viv | . CE | ||
| . PPuf + Viv | . PDT + Sal | . PPuf + Viv | ||
| . PDT + Sal | . AA | . PDT + Sal | ||
| . CdF | . SDS + Thomasina | |||
| . MD + Belle | ElF + Lucy | |||
| Hunter's | CS + Anne | PPuf(G) + Viv | CS + Anne | AA |
| . JS | ||||
| . JiT + Guinevere | ||||
| . MHD | ||||
| Blue Gables | PDT + Sal | |||
| Frog & Peach | BT + Angelina | SDS(G) + Thomasina | ||
| Red Phillips | MdP | HDF + Violet | ||
| Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Crown Prince; (id) = expected host; bold = first visit to new club; underline = first time mistress seen in public with this beau. | ||||
There are plenty of parties going on this month – with quite some competition in the Fleur. Louis Severin Descartes is one of the first to welcome people and guest Steve De Sade is particularly boisterous in leading toasts to his host’s freedom. Terence Cuckpowder’s impromptu event in his new club, Bothwell’s, gathers a decent number of guests and is the first where there is some contretemps. Charles Etfeevor spots the Hugo Furst is also in the club and is affronted to find this non-noble there. A challenge is issued. And repeated later in the month when they encounter each other again.
The biggest event, Louis Renault’s reception, draws the biggest crowd. Which leads, of course, to fallings-out. The new member of the 53rd Fusiliers, Beau Taux, discovers his regiment’s traditional enemies in the persons of Arent Hayes, François de Blanchefort and Vaux de Fon – all Crown Prince Cuirassiers, of course. This is clearly not enough confrontation for him as he also picks a fight with Maximilien de Piquemaire, a guest of Zeold von Tu, but regarded as riff-raff by Beau. Maurice Danseur
is vocal in his appreciation of “Tiny” Thierry Toothpick’s absence (and “the tasteless tangerines”).
Zeold von Tu’s gathering may be small in contrast, but is deeply involved in tactical discussions for the forthcoming summer campaign. First Division commander Zeold is particularly concerned about “how to keep Bordeaux in good condition when being carried in a charge.”
Dragoon Guard Balzac Slapdash exchanges words with Con Stantinople and Justin Thyme of the Queen’s Own Cuirassiers. Finally, enemies Beaumes de Venise and Henri De Flection spot each other at the party and issue challenges.
Parties in the later weeks are in the lesser clubs. Con Stantinople serves “plenty of fruit punch” at his, which is not quite what his guests were expecting.
Alone in Hunter’s one week (okay, Viv is there as well), Percival Puffington lays some bets. At 200 crowns a time, he keeps going even after losing four in a row. He wins his fifth wager and loses the sixth, but almost redeems the week by winning three on the trot. That’s a loss of crowns, but kudos from the gamblers in Paris.
Steve De Sade is altogether more anxious in his betting. Placing 20-crown wagers at the Frog & Peach, he gives up after losing twice.
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Angelina | BT succeeds | Out | ||
| Anne | Out | Out | Out | |
| Belle | Out | Out | ||
| Bette | Out | |||
| Cath | Out | |||
| Di | SBC at home | |||
| Edna | Out | Out | ||
| Ella | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Eve | Out | Out | ||
| Freda | Out | |||
| Guinevere | Out | Out | Out | |
| Henrietta | CdF fails | CdF succeeds | ||
| Jenny | Out | |||
| Kathy | HDS fails | |||
| Katy | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Lois's doorstep | BdV | |||
| BC | ||||
| Lotte | Out | Out | ||
| Lucy | Out | |||
| Maggie | Out | Out | ||
| Morgane | Out | Out | Out | |
| Sal | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Therèse | RS fails | Out | RS fails | |
| Thomasina | Out | Out | Out | |
| Violet | HDF fails | HDF succeeds ex-CPL | Out | |
| Viv | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| AA fails | ||||
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover; st.down = stood down to rivals. | ||||
In the courting stakes, Chemin de Fer and Henri De Flection show the value of persisting with their intended – though his eventual success does bring him a duel.
There’s another duel provoked when Barthélemy Chifflet and Beaumes de Venise (who’s “spoiling the gal” with his gifts – which turn out to be much the same as Barthélemy’s) turn up on the same doorstep.
Henri DuShite can’t understand why his gifts of “of jewellery and dresses,” which “match her beauty” are not accepted…
And Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux is ready to challenge anyone who shows while he’s visiting his mistress.
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Bawdy houses | MHD + FC | CE + FC | VdF + FC: Mug 0 | JS + FC: Mug 0 |
| AH + FC | BC(G 40) + FC | MdP + FC | ||
| AA + FC | RS: Mug-23 | |||
| ID + FC | ||||
| Practising | FdB - Sabre | SBC - Rapier | FdB - Sabre | FdB - Sabre |
| JS - Rapier | HDS - Cutlass | CE - Rapier | BS - Rapier | |
| BS - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | BS - Rapier | JiT - Sabre | |
| JdG - Rapier | BeV - Sabre | AH - Sabre | ZvT - Rapier | |
| BdLS - Foil | GdB - Rapier | HDS - Cutlass | MHD - Cutlass | |
| LR - Rapier | ID - Sabre | BLC - Sabre | SBC - Rapier | |
| SDS - Sabre | JdG - Rapier | BT - Rapier | ||
| BdLS - Foil | MdP - Sabre | AH - Sabre | ||
| LSD - Sabre | HDS - Cutlass | |||
| BeV - Sabre | BLC - Sabre | |||
| GdB - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | |||
| ID - Sabre | BC - Rapier | |||
| MD - Sabre | ElF - Sabre | |||
| BdLS - Foil | LSD - Sabre | |||
| GdB - Rapier | ||||
| CS - Sabre | ||||
| ID - Sabre | ||||
| MD - Sabre | ||||
| BdLS - Foil | ||||
| LR - Rapier | ||||
| Regimental Duties | BdV | BdV | ||
| IP | ||||
| Up to something | TTT | TTT | TTT | TTT |
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not a member of a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level; ???? = unknown host. | ||||
Now, what is our Commissioner of Public Safety up to? He and his tangerine entourage skulk around Paris for most of the month, apparently looking for something. And then they all retire to the Bastille at the end of March. The end of the month is also when particularly nasty fire breaks out, completely demolishing a rather substantial building. This will be bad news for Guards Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder – that’s where he lives. Or lived, anyway.
If This is Rock and Roll, I Want my Old Job Back
And so to the Low Countries, where the French forces begin an offensive against Spanish holdings. Led by Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder, the whole Guards Brigade is there to assault fortifications around Valenciennes. While not hugely successful, the Brigade does manage plenty of looting and Terence takes over two thousand crowns’ worth for his share. Hi active approach to command – flitting between the regiments and advising their commanders on their best tactics – earn him two Mentions in Despatches (“He’s everywhere.” “Yes, and full of it.”).
The Royal Foot Guards do well, with new Earl Camille de Polignac in command. There are two Mentions for him as well, but he gets less than two thousand crowns’ worth of booty. Lieutenant-Colonel Martin de Garnache picks up slightly less loot, but is also Mentioned. No MiD for Major Hector William Boone, but his share of the loot goes over the two thousand mark. There’s the same amount for Captain Neville Moore, but he has to spend some of it on the two horses he needs to go with his promotion to Major. Felipe Savant remains a Captain and can only manage just over fifteen hundred crowns’ worth of loot.
The Cardinal’s Guard aren’t quite as successful as the Foot Guards, but there’s still loot to be had. A close encounter with a Spanish sword brings Colonel Frank X Change promotion to (brevet) Brigadier-General, a MiD (“that was close”) and the best part of fifteen hundred crowns in plunder. An Earldom comes his way as well. Lt-Colonel Come Asiouar dodges a musketball, hits fifteen hundred crowns with his booty and also finds himself Mentioned (“It just parted his hair!”).
Victory for the King’s Musketeers sees Colonel Claude de Nord brevetted to Bdr-General. There’s a Mention in Despatches (“Great success!”) and over two and a half thousand crowns’ worth of loot into the bargain. Captain Hugo Serre does even better, plundering his way to almost three thousand crowns revenue. It’s worth a minor Mention (“That’s a lot of booty!”).
The cavalry regiments chase down any escaping enemy soldiers, something Princess Louisa’s Light Dragoons do better at than Archduke Leopold’s Cuirassiers. ALC Colonel Hugh Jeneaux is another who’s brevetted to Bdr-Gen. Loot comes his way – to the tune of 1,600 crowns – as does a MiD.
PLLD commander Charles PiedLuminaire is already a Bdr-Gen, but he is Mentioned and collects the round sum of fifteen hundred crowns in loot. The MiD brings a Knighthood. Lt-Col Dee Jean Aise would have been Knighted, too, had he been higher in society. Still, a pat on the back is not to be sniffed at. Over a thousand crowns’ worth of booty is also a decent reward.