Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses

Players' Press for April 1676

Sections: Announcements, Blatant Brown-nosing, Despatches from the Front, Matters of Honour, Military Missives, Ministerial Correspondence, Personal, Poetry Corner, Social

Announcements

** Join the QOC **
Gentleman of Paris, if you are new to the city or are looking for a new Regiment, then you can do no better than join the Queen's Own Carabiniers.
Please contact me for more details, and some financial help is available.
† Count Thyme

Regiment Needed. † JS

B. Gen le Marquis Camille de Polignac requires an aide. Volunteers are requested to send their applications so that the chosen candidate can be hired by May.

** Aide Required **
I am looking for a competent aide.
Please contact me with your credentials.
† (Brevet) Bdr-General Count Thyme

Matters of Honour

For the attention of Henri De Flection, Captain of the 13th Fusiliers
As one who has recently arrived in Paris from the rural areas of France, it is tempting to refer to you as a "country bumpkin". However, I will not stoop to such epithets. Instead, I will try to explain your transgression in terms that you will understand. In Paris, as I am sure is also true in whatever benighted backwater you hail from, it is considered bad form to "Plough another man's furrow". This you have done through ignorance or malice. If ignorance, then I predict your career in the 13th Fusiliers will be short, because any soldier who fails to reconnoitre a position before advancing will swiftly be returning home to Paris in a box. If malice, then I see no reason for such spite, but small minds have little use for logic. On one level you have helped me, in that you have revealed the fickle nature of Violet's affections, and I will abandon her forthwith (more fool her since I have just gained a Knighthood and would have been able to entertain her in places previously beyond her reach). However, my gratitude for this revelation does not counteract the grievous insult you have offered me and I expect to meet you on a field of honour when we are next both in Paris. I could possibly accept a sincere apology, if I believe you are truly repentant, but you would have to convince me that you had learned your lesson from this unfortunate situation. I would regret bloodying my blade for what may have been an innocent mistake.
† B.Brigadier-General Charles Piedluminare
Princess Louise's Light Dragoons

Social

Soldiers of the Third Army:
During the second week of May, I will hold a gathering for all soldiers serving in this army. I will cover all costs. ladies are welcome. If there are other folks who believe it would be helpful to improve military coordination with the Third army, please let me know.
† Brevet General Jacques Hatt

Marquis Renault and Miss Nifisent invite the Ladies and Gentlemen of Paris to a May Ball during week 2, formal dress for men and ball gowns for the ladies. Music and refreshments will be courtesy of your hosts.
Unfortunately, the invitation does not include members of the Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers due to their differences with my aide, Captain Pierre De Terre.

The Maggie Nifisent hat
The straw hat has, in the centre of the crown, a large Bow made from a yellow/gold coloured ribbon, surrounded by a generous quantity of Lily of the Valley, that cascades over the edge. The band is made from Navy Blue velvet. Pinned beneath the lower edge of this velvet band are clusters of orange Siberian Wallflowers, inextricably entwined with yellow flowers of Ragwort. The brim is filled with white ostrich feathers. "The colour of the bow, the white feathers and flowers, and the band are inspired by the King's royal standard," explains Louis. "The yellow ragwort is not there for its colour but as an obnoxious weed entwined with Orange Wallflowers."

Personal

To: His Majesty, King Pevans
Sire,
It's terrible. I swear you've fallen victim to some sinister sorcery cast upon you by that arch-fiend, Cuckpowder.
Do you know that I attempted to see you this month, to alert you to the immense danger that our country is facing but the Guards, men I had commanded a mere month or so ago, refused me and my ministry officials entry? It's clear Cuckpowder has ensorcelled them, too. There has to be a way to stop the wretch before it's too late... I almost had him last year: GUILTY he was - arrested, prosecuted, adjudged GUILTY and sentenced to DEATH. Only to have that black-hearted witch Morgane Le Fay get his charges reduced to some feeble fine! She needs to go, too, Your Majesty. That was another one I nearly had until some halfwit masquerading as an interim Minister of State let her off.
However, take heart, Sire. There is a way to save the realm: make me Commissioner for life AND give me the joint powers of arrest and sentencing. That should do it. We'll soon have the country cleaned up.
Now, I know you've recently appointed that Rick Shaw fellow as MoS, but he ought to be focusing on other matters, like appointing Ministers, attending government meetings and stuff like that. There's no need for him to interfere with the judicial side of things.
So... if you can just get a royal decree drawn up and have it dropped off at the Bastille, I'll get straight back to work. Apart from Cuckpowder, Le Fay, that Lois de Lô woman, Justin Thyme, Hayes, Renault and de Bécqueur, is there anyone you'd like sorted out? Just let me know, Sire, and I'll ensure they're brought straight in by my lads to a damp, dark cell in the Bastille.
Your most loyal servant,
† Lt. Colonel Toothpick
Commissioner of Public Safety
Dragoon Guards

Dear Sirs,
I can see how some of you would be offended by my actions, but I feel I must make it clear I was only following orders and the letter of the law, however distasteful some of you may have found it.
I have given the matter a great deal of deliberation and then the other night the answer came to me in a dream.
In the dream I was a piece of cheese being chased by a giant orange mouse. At first I thought this might be a result of my late-night supper and a drop of wine. Then I realised it was a sign. A sign to resign as one of Tiny Toothpick's weasels as it was not healthy. And a sign to avoid camembert and pickles before bedtime.
God Save the King!
† CdN

To: Earl Rick Shaw
Minister of State
Your Grace,
Please allow me to be the first to congratulate you upon your recent appointment as Minister of State.
As His Majesty's Commissioner of Public Safety, you and I will need to work closely together to steady a country that is suffering greatly at the hands of the diabolist Cuckpowder and his coven of licentious witches. You'll no doubt be glad to know that I have contacted King Pevans with a suggestion to address the problem, I await His Gracious endorsement before then getting down to work. This will leave you more time to concentrate on other State matters while leaving the judicial side of things to me. Rest assured, though, that I'll keep you fully updated as to which is the latest traitor to lose his/her head.
Sincere regards,
† Lt. Colonel Toothpick
Commissioner of Public Safety
Dragoon Guards

Poetry Corner

(All signed poetry submissions gain their author at least 1 SP)

Justine, you were heartbroken when Count Seine died.
I was there to console you when you cried.
Now here are my orders to guard our frontiers.
That is my duty, and my greatest fear
Is to leave you in Paris worrying for me.
So I say, worry not, consider yourself free,
Find support and affection in some other's arms -
That way I'll be sure that you come to no harm.
† Frank