Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for May 1677 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 13th February 2026.
Game Report for April 1677
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
Spring finally arrives in Paris and the flowers cheer everybody up - even those with cold steel in their hands, heading for a (potentially) deadly rendezvous. First up, Barthélemy Chifflet is taking his rapier to face a similar weapon in the hands of Beaumes de Venise. Beaumes is both the bigger of the two and more skilled, but Barthélemy has Percival Puffington to bolster his courage. Barthélemy tries to stop the attacks he expects, but Beaumes settles for a standard lunge. This goes straight through Barthélemy's block to score first blood. Miffed, Barthélemy responds with a lunge of his own. Beaumes ignores the wound and lunges again, this time eliciting a surrender from his opponent.
After cleaning his sword, Beaumes trots round the corner to his meeting with Henri De Flection. Henri is another rapier user and, again, more slightly built and less skilled than Beaumes. Beaumes follows the same strategy as his last duel: lunge and lunge again. Unlike Barthélemy, Henri gets his parry right and stops the first lunge, drawing first blood with his riposte. However, Beaumes continues with his lunges. The third attack meets Henri's own lunge and is followed by simultaneous cuts. Henri surrenders.
Next up are Charles Etfeevor of the 13th Fusiliers versus Hugo Furst of the 13th Fusiliers. Ah. Realising their predicament, neither man turns up for their encounter, preferring the loss of status to the disgrace that would follow a duel. Hugo treats his comrade to breakfast instead.
Arent Hayes, seconded by François de Blanchefort, has the sole advantage of using a sabre against the rapier of Beau Taux, whose second is Ian Dediette. Arent starts with a parry, but Beau lunges afterwards to score first. Arent launches into a furious slash, hitting Beau with the slash and then a cut. This last blow lands at the same time as a slash from Beau. The damage from the sabre has told, though, and Beau surrenders.
He's now sufficiently injured to be able to decline any further fights, disappointing Botte Le Chimiste, François de Blanchefort and Vaux de Fon.
Balzac Slapdash's old injuries are such that he doesn't even need a duel this month to be able to skip his meeting with Con Stantinople.
This leaves us with just Louis Severin Descartes's challenge to "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick. Paris voted that Louis had cause by a large margin (16:1) and the two men duly turn up at the appointed time. Thierry has heard that, first, his opponent "wishes this to be to first blood" and, second, that Louis would prefer him not to fight with daggers.
However, the rules are strict and both men must use their nominated weapon. As a compromise (!), Thierry agrees not to throw any of his
knives.
Both men are of small, nay, tiny stature, emphasising the difference between Louis's sabre and Thierry's dagger. Elroi le Flingue and Jacques Hatt second Louis, while Maurice Danseur supports Thierry. Maurice makes it clear that "I do not support his having had the Marquis [Severin Descartes)] arrested and tried for treason. I hope to see good displays of honour and will frown upon any displays of knife throwing (this is the field of honour, not a Circus ring!)." Both duellists launch into a furious slash to start. The sabre cuts into Thierry while his own blade swishes through the air between them. They spin round and cut. Again, Thierry takes a wound while his weapon isn't even close to his opponent. Yes, he has forgotten to allow for the length (or lack thereof) of his dagger! Thierry surrenders while he's still conscious and his Tangerines quickly hustle him off for medical attention.
To Brigadier or not to Brigadier
Sticking with Louis SD, he has an eye on being Brigadier of Third Foot, rather than a Minister without Portfolio. Accordingly, he has asked the current Brigadier to step down. His request is given some force by the support of Greg de Bécqueur, Jacques Hatt and Rick Shaw. Faced with this pressure, the Brigadier quits. Rick then throws his weight behind Louis's application for the post and he is duly appointed Brigadier.
In a similar vein, "Tiny" Thierry has asked the Horse Guards Brigadier to resign. Balzac Slapdash and Thibault Chanson de Skye weigh in to support this. However, Botte Le Chimiste uses his influence in defence of the Brigadier, who stands firm against Thierry's demand.
Charles PiedLuminaire has applied to be Brigadier of the Dragoons without apparently noticing that this position is taken. So next month will be about getting the incumbent out. However, in expectation of this post, Charles has already resigned as Second Division Adjutant.
Hugo Furst offers Henri De Flection the opportunity of being his Aide. Neither seems to have spotted Henri has the rank of Captain and thus is not eligible to be the Aide to a Brigadier-General. What Hugo needs is a promotion (before Henri gets one) so that he can then ask him to be Aide to a Lieutenant-General. So he volunteers the Second Foot Brigade for some action. This comes as something of a surprise to members of the 13th (Charles Etfeevor and Henri) and 53rd (Beau Taux and Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux) Fusiliers.
Crown Prince Cuirassier CO François de Blanchefort wants to get rid of the senior Major in his regiment - presumably so that a more junior officer can be promoted. He deploys some influence to make this happen, but it's not enough.
No favours are needed to get rid of the Dragoon Brigade Major. Maurice Danseur, who holds the post, resigns from the Grand Duke Max's, losing both his rank and his appointment. He is quickly signed up for the Dragoon Guards by Balzac Slapdash and buys his way back to the rank of Major - thanks to a substantial gift
from his new CO. This is in the wake of Thierry Toothpick purchasing the Lt-Colonel's rank.
In Government circles, Frank X Change quits his job as Minister of Justice a couple of months early. The new Minister of State, Rick Shaw, keeps him in government as a Minister without Portfolio.
Marching for the Low Countries alongside the Second Foot will be First Foot Brigade, whose members are given their marching orders by Brigadier Percival Puffington. This takes the Picardy Musketeers (including Barthélemy Chifflet) and the Royal Marines (with Chemin de Fer - as Brigade Major - and Marcel Hatch Dupree) away from Paris.
Not to be outdone, Pierre De Terre volunteers his squadron of the Grand Duke Max's and Maximilien de Piquemaire and Steve De Sade come along with that. Maximilien pauses only to repay his loan - something the moneylenders really appreciate from debtors who may die soon.
Parties without horses
The Jacques As Memorial Stakes horse race is clearly the major social event this month. However, it's not until the end of April, so there's plenty of time for other parties. We kick off with Louis Severin Descartes and Edna Bucquette holding court at the Fleur de Lys. Half a dozen socialites attend, most with their lady friends in tow. Elroi noisily congratulates the host for his victory in court and offers schemes to ensure the downfall of the Tangerines. There's no trouble between the guests, but Maurice Danseur deserts Belle Epoque to pick a fight with his regimental enemies. Maurice is in Grand Duke Max's and two members of the Queen's Own are also in the club - Justin Thyme and "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick are both members and the subjects of Maurice's challenges.
At the same time, Thibault Chanson de Skye (who's re-scheduled his loans) and Katy Did welcome Con Stantinople (with Anne Tique) and Justin Saad for a peaceful drink.
Who was where: in the clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | JiT + Guinevere | LSD + Edna | ZvT(G) | |
| TTT + Madelaine | . GdB + Bette | JH + Cath | ||
| LSD + Edna | . JH + Cath | |||
| . ZvT | LR + Maggie | |||
| . BLC + Eve | . FdB + Freda | |||
| . ElF | . TCdS + Katy | |||
| . GdB + Bette | . TTT + Madelaine | |||
| . MD + Belle | . BLC + Eve | |||
| . JH + Cath | . ElF | |||
| LR + Maggie | ||||
| Bothwell's | TCdS + Katy | |||
| . JS | ||||
| . CS + Anne | ||||
| Hunter's | AH | AH | ||
| AA | AA | |||
| CS + Anne | CS + Anne | |||
| MD + Belle | . BS + Therèse | |||
| . JiT + Guinevere | ||||
| . ElF + Lucy | ||||
| . GdB + Bette | ||||
| . MD + Belle | ||||
| . LR + Maggie | ||||
| Outside Hunter's | JS (CS) | |||
| Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Toadying to Crown Prince; (id) = expected host; bold = first visit to new club; underline = first time mistress seen in public with this beau. | ||||
Come the second week and Louis SD sees his guests dwindle to Greg and Jacques. A whole new bunch of people (apart from Elroi le Flingue who's switched hosts) are in the Fleur as the guests of Louis Renault and Maggie Nifisent to discuss campaign strategies for Third Army. Elroi is one of the few to provide
much input to the discussion, offering "daring and impractical suggestions for the Third Army this campaign season: 'What if you imported elephants from Africa and mounted cannon on them?'"
There are no disputes here but, in Hunter's, Con Stantinople and Maurice Danseur argue the relative merits of their opposed regiments. While Justin Saad is left outside Hunter's as he's early for the next week's Easter Egg hunt. "I'm here for the Easter Egg hunt," he tells everybody.
Said event is hosted by Con and Anne (wearing a substantial bonnet covered in yellow flowers) with a prize for the lady with the best Easter bonnet as well as for whoever finds the most eggs. Lucy Fur, accompanying Elroi, wears a bonnet topped with peacock plumes woven into the shape of a fleur-de-lis. Maggie Nifisent, on Louis Renault's arm, has another ornate assembly of flowers (see Press), but also wears a strong perfume to counter the acrid scent of the yellow Ragwort. Belle Epoque wears "a bonnet in the shape of a hatching egg with a little chick's head peeping out", which beau Maurice is very proud of. Steve De Sade claims Thomasina Tancenjin is wearing "the most ostentatious Easter bonnet Paris has ever seen". However, it's Maggie's cleverly composed display that wins the prize - a very large, very solid chocolate egg. Con seems happy to have his regimental enemies attend, which means another exchange between him and Maurice. Balzac Slapdash joins in on Maurice's side and Justin Thyme backs up Con.
Who was at the Prix d'Or |
|
|---|---|
| Where | Week 4 |
| Prix d'Or | CP FdB + Freda |
| CP JS | |
| CP BS + Therèse | |
| CP TCdS + Katy | |
| CP JiT + Guinevere | |
| CP TTT + Madelaine | |
| CP ZvT | |
| CP AH | |
| CP BLC + Eve | |
| CP ElF + Lucy | |
| CP RS | |
| CP LSD + Edna | |
| CP GdB + Bette | |
| CP CS + Anne | |
| CP ID | |
| CP MD + Belle | |
| CP JH + Cath | |
| CP LR + Maggie | |
| BdV | |
| Outside Prix d'Or | VdF (Prinny) |
| AA (Prinny) | |
| Shows who was in or outside: (G) = Gambled; CP = Toadying to Crown Prince; (id) = expected host; bold = first visit to new club; underline = first time mistress seen in public with this beau. | |
Racing with horses
And then the runners and riders line up for this year's Jacques As Memorial Stakes with his Highness the Dauphin putting up a generous prize pot of 5,000 crowns. For the betting man, the early favourites are Balzac Slapdash and Justin Thyme. The Prince himself starts the race, dropping a fragrant handkerchief from his prime viewing position in the main grandstand, amidst the spectating ladies.
The dash to the first corner sees Con Stantinople (riding Blinky this time) take the lead, half a length up on "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick. Justin Thyme is on Thierry's tail with Louis Severin Descartes just behind him. Arent Hayes is just in front of the pack. The first row of this consists of Balzac, Elroi le Flingue, Maurice Danseur and Ian Dediette. Then it's Greg de Bécqueur, Zeold von Tu and Jacques Hatt, closely followed by François de Blanchefort, Justin Saad and Louis Renault. Botte Le Chimiste and Thibault Chanson de Skye are at the back.
Con gives his horse its head and it streaks down the back straight to enter the final corner over two lengths clear. Despite being in front of the pack of the pack, Thierry's horse seems to have taken a knock in the corner and can only trot. He is passed by Arent and Louis SD, both at top speed, then the cantering Justin T and the galloping Ian and Maurice, now beside Justin. Balzac, Greg and Jacques come alongside Thierry with Louis R just behind. Elroi is another whose mount is struggling. He's next, beside Thibault, who's charging hard. Zeold has dropped back to join François and they've been caught by Rick. Botte is still at the back, but has at least caught up with Justin S.
Onto the final straight and it's a sprint to the line. Seeing the big gap behind him, Con eases off, cantering to a win by two lengths. Arent and Louis SD can get no more from their horses and drop back. It's Maurice who hurtles past them to claim second place. Just half a length behind all the way to the line is Balzac. Ian catches Louis SD on the line for joint fourth, and Justin T is alongside Arent as sixth equal.
Then it's Elroi, Greg, Louis R and Thibault - the latter two finally finding some pace. Trotting up next are Jacques and Thierry, chatting as their horses practically march in step. François, Rick and Zeold are spared last place which goes, jointly, to Botte and Justin S.
Dismounted and cleaned up a bit, the riders rejoin their ladies (in most cases) to be greeted by the Dauphin. Already wearing hers, Lucy hands Elroi his "very flamboyant Easter hat". However, Prinny is not so welcoming to those who haven't participated. Thus Armand Alsace and Vaux de Fon are given the cold shoulder. Beaumes de Venise is aware of his Highness's preferences and watched the race from the cheap seats where he finds a whole group in orange uniforms and face paint cheering on "Tiny" Thierry.
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Anne | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Belle | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Bette | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Cath | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Edna | Out | Out | Out | |
| Eve | Out | Out | Out | |
| Freda | Out | Out | ||
| Guinevere | Out | Out | Out | |
| Justine | RS fails | |||
| Kathy | HDS succeeds ex-CdP | |||
| Katy | Out | Out | TCdS at home | Out |
| Lucy | Out | Out | ||
| Madelaine | Out | Out | Out | |
| Maggie | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Morgane | ZvT at home | |||
| Therèse | Out | Out | ||
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover; st.down = stood down to rivals. | ||||
There are thin pickings for the footpads this month. Their victims are Ian Dediette, but he's spent his cash, and Beaumes de Venise, who has only a couple of crowns left. It's mixed results for those socialites who go courting: Henri DuShite succeeds (bad news on its way to Camille de Polignac), while Rick Shaw fails.
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Bawdy houses | AH + FC | JS + FC | ||
| AA + FC | BdV + FC: Mug-2 | |||
| RS + FC | VdF + FC | |||
| ID + FC: Mug 0 | ||||
| Practising | FdB - Sabre | BS - Rapier | FdB - Sabre | HDS - Cutlass |
| BS - Rapier | JiT - Sabre | HDS - Cutlass | JdG - Rapier | |
| VdF - Sabre | VdF - Sabre | BLC - Sabre | BeV - Sabre | |
| JdG - Rapier | HDS - Cutlass | JdG - Rapier | BdLS - Foil | |
| BeV - Sabre | JdG - Rapier | RS - Sabre | ||
| BdLS - Foil | BeV - Sabre | LSD - Sabre | ||
| ID - Sabre | BeV - Sabre | |||
| BdLS - Foil | ID - Sabre | |||
| BdLS - Foil | ||||
| Regimental Duties | BdV | BdV | IP | |
| Busy haranguing the King | TTT | |||
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not a member of a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level; ???? = unknown host. | ||||
The strangest sight in Paris this month is a mob (okay, it's not really a mob, more a large group) of orange people congregating outside the Louvre. This is, of course, "Tiny" Thierry Toothpick's entourage (of "Public Safety Ministry employees") and he is at their head, demanding an audience with the King "upon a matter of national security!" Thierry harangues the guards on duty: "I used to be your Major until recently"; "I'm a Lieutenant Colonel now, you know"; There's skullduggery afoot"; "His Majesty must see me, I'm the Commissioner of Public Safety!" When Thierry's entreaties meet blank faces, he starts ranting that "Cuckpowder must have bewitched His Majesty into becoming a recluse... poisoned his mind against his ministers..."
To Cambrai!
The French offensive against the Spanish Netherlands continues, bolstered by substantial reinforcements. The focus this month is Cambrai, which gets the attentions of First and Second Foot Brigades as well as the Guards. The major success is the Cardinal's Guard, storming the ramparts to go looting. Frank X Change, commanding, gathers nearly a thousand crowns worth of loot. This is on top of his double Mention in Despatches ("Outstanding!" "One for His Eminence!"). However, number two in the regiment, Lieutenant-Colonel Come Asiouar, grabs twice as much booty - though not quite worth two thousand crowns. His own MiD ("That's the way to do it!") brings him an Earldom as well.
The Royal Foot Guards meet stiff resistance for a change. All boss man Camille de Polignac gets is a Dear John letter. There's a Mention for Lt-Col Martin de Garnache ("Did better than his boss"). And a similar one for senior Major Hector William Boone, who becomes a Baron on the strength of it. Junior Major Neville
Moore just gets a MiD, while there's no reward for Captain Felipe Savant.
Rebuffed from their own attack, the King's Musketeers retire to lick their wounds. CO Claude de Nord is Mentioned ("At least he rallied his men"). As is Captain Hugo Serre. There's a perfunctory Mention in Despatches for Guard Brigadier Terence Cuckpowder: "Could have been worse".
In First Foot, the Royal Marines make some progress - enough that Lt-Col Marcel Hatch Dupree is able to loot well over a thousand crowns' worth of goodies. Not so the Picardy Musketeers, but there's still a (brief) Mention ("Standing firm") for Major Barthélemy Chifflet, followed by a Knighthood. Brigadier Percival Puffington sees his rank (Brigadier-General) made permanent and Brigade Major Chemin de Fer gets a Mention.
The 53rd Fusiliers are the second success of the month, bringing some glory to Second Foot Brigade. Both Captains, Beau Taux and Sebastiane Blanc-Chevaux, receive Mentions in Despatches ("Good work"). Their comrades in the 13th don't do as well, but there's still a MiD for Captain Henri De Flection and promotion for Captain Charles Etfeevor (who can afford the extra horses required for his new rank). Both of those rewards come to Brigadier Hugo Furst as well. He is promoted to full Brigadier-General alongside his Mention and monopolises the looting to gain fifteen hundred crowns' worth. And a Knighthood comes his way to boot.
Cavalry support comes from the Archduke Leopold Cuirassiers and the Princess Louisa Light Dragoons. The Cuirassiers' patrols are uneventful, but commander Hugh Jeneaux appears in the Despatches ("Very necessary work"). Conversely, the Dragoons are in the right place to chase down fleeing Spaniards - and their plunder. Leader Charles PiedLuminaire seizes well over a thousand crowns' worth of rewards, but Lt-Col Dee Jean Aise amasses a full two thousand worth.
Second squadron of Grand Duke Max's Dragoons is attached to Frontier regiment 1 and brings them success in battle. Major Pierre De Terre is Mentioned twice ("Dragoons!" "With the Frontier troops?"), while Captain Maximilien de Piquemaire concentrates on looting (getting over two thousand crowns' worth) and Captain Steve De Sade takes promotion to Major. Plus fifteen hundred crowns' worth of plunder that more than covers his purchase of two more horses.