Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
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Les Petites Bêtes Soyeuses
Being a correspondence game of En Garde! run by Pevans since April 1986 and now published as part of To Win Just Once.
If you'd like to play, you'll need to subscribe to TWJO (follow the link for details). You will need a copy of the rules to En Garde! - or at least access to a copy. The additional rules for LPBS are available as a PDF document. (You will need Adobe Reader to view this: it is available free from Adobe.)
Orders for December 1677 to LPBS, 180 Aylsham Drive, Uxbridge UB10 8UF or the LPBS orders e-mail address by 4th September 2026.
Game Report for November 1677
Sections: Duels, Trials, Appointments and Regiments, What happened in Paris, What happened at the front.
It’s November and the big news happens in England where the King’s niece, Mary, marries William of Orange. That’s a definite Anglo-Dutch alliance, then. In Paris, it’s all about the duels. And there are a lot of them. However, not the meeting between Justin Thyme and “Tiny” Thierry Toothpick as the wee dental aid is in action with the Frontier troops, not in the city.
Thus, Justin starts his month squaring up to Claude B’Limey – after scheduling issues have been resolved. He is accompanied by Rick Shaw, while Steve De Sade backs Claude. The first blow is struck by Justin’s sabre with the start of a furious slash. Claude has stuck to an ordinary slash, so his sabre bites just after that. Expecting a cut, Claude easily dodges it and hits his opponent with a second slash. That’s enough damage for Justin and he concedes, now able to decline his remaining duels (such as the one against Maximilien de Piquemaire) without loss of status.
Marc-Antoine Descartes has plenty of duels this month with his sabre and two seconds – Botte Le Chimiste and Charles PiedLuminaire. He would like to fight Arent Hayes first. However, there is no sign of Arent. Second on Marc-Antoine’s list is Justin, so there’s nothing doing there either. This brings him to his meeting with Hugh Jeneaux (no seconds here). Hugh plays this defensively and blocks Marc-Antoine’s first slash before ducking and diving a bit. He finally attacks, slashing with his sabre just as Marc-Antoine slashes again. Both are hit, but it’s Marc-Antoine who surrenders, now unable to face Chemin de Fer.
Time for Claude B’Limey to get back into the action as Hugh is his next opponent. Despite their use of sabres, Claude lunges straight through Hugh’s block – he was expecting a slash, of course. It’s enough of a wound that Hugh feels he can surrender and does so.
Despite his latest injury (and he’s still suffering from last month fights), Hugh carries on to meet Elroi le Flingue. They cross sabres. Elroi parries, but Hugh just surrenders. Then it’s time for Marc-Antoine to take on the role of second as he, and Thibault Chanson de Skye, support Claude against Hugh. The combatants cross swords. Claude prepares to strike and Hugh surrenders. This is not doing his social standing any good. Botte Le Chimiste is next to get the treatment from Hugh and Steve De Sade the last.
This allows Steve to move on to Justin Thyme. Who’s already gone home, as we know. Elroi also has an unfilled appointment with Justin and so does Maurice Danseur. Instead, Maurice and his sabre take on Con Stantinople (with Thibault in support) and his. As with all his duelling opponents, Maurice congratulates him for his “courage in turning up and being willing to defend his honour”. Con gets his slash in first, Maurice second. That’s enough for the diminutive Con and he concedes. Maurice has laid on his “usual hamper of cold chicken, Champagne and fresh baguettes for my opponents and their seconds”. However, Con declines, instead taking Thibault for a “full Scottish breakfast”. Maurice has two more duels, but the first, Marc-Antoine, declines his rendezvous.
This brings us to Beau Taux, our first rapier wielder, who’s taking on François de Blanchefort’s sabre. Watched by seconds Ian Dediette (for Beau) and Arent Hayes (backing François), Beau opens the fight with a lunge. François responds with a slash. A slash from Beau is strengthened as
François is closing in. Spotting what’s coming, Beau jumps back to avoid François’s boot as he kicks out. A second lunge from Beau is followed by a second slash from his opponent, ignoring
Beau’s attempt to parry. Beau strikes again with his third lunge, only to be hit by a third slash. Now badly wounded, Beau surrenders to the bloody mess that is François.
Now, Beau isn’t actually injured quite enough to excuse him from his other duels, but he doesn’t turn up. Having belatedly put in an appearance as a second, Arent is ready to fight Beau, but doesn’t get the chance. Nor does Maurice meet his final opponent. And Vaux de Fon doesn’t get his only duel.
This leaves us with Frank X Change, who is in line for two duels and chooses to cross swords with Hugo Serre first. Both men use rapier and have seconds: Come Asiouar and Greg de Bécqueur for Frank plus Ben e’Volence on the other side. Frank lunges, Hugo surrenders, bettered by his opponent’s superior expertise.
It’s Frank’s turn to be outclassed in skill as he takes on the sabre of Claude de Nord. Amusingly, Frank is one of Claude’s seconds! However, Hugo Serre stands with (behind?) Claude. There’s a tentative start to the duel before Claude slashes, a blow that is readily dodged by Frank. He responds with a lunge, but this is deflected by Claude’s second slash. A cut inflicts more damage before Frank can lunge again, this time getting his full weight behind it. More tentative moves from Claude let Frank run him through again and Claude folds.
Bye bye, Brigadier
Feeling slightly guilty for having allowed non-entities to have been appointed cavalry Brigadiers, Inspector-General Louis Renault is trying to get rid of them. He calls in some favours to get the Dragoon Brigadier to resign and is backed by Greg de Bécqueur, Jacques Hatt and Justin Thyme. Faced with this chorus of disapproval, the Brigadier departs. Louis leaves the post vacant for now.
Claude B’Limey thinks the senior Captain should leave the Grand Duke Max Dragoons and uses his influence to this end. Botte Le Chimiste and Marc-Antoine Descartes pitch in behind Claude and the Captain is on his way.
Bertrand Charbonneau joins the military when his application to the Gascons is accepted by the regiment’s new Lieutenant-Colonel and commander, Pierre Aux-Manique. Unfortunately, Bertrand does not have the social standing required of a Captain in the Gascons and must settle for the rank of Subaltern. As he’s now in charge, Pierre brings the rest of the regiment, including Bertrand, to join him.
Similarly, while Pierre Newkirk is delighted to be offered the job of Regimental Adjutant of the Picardy Musketeers by his CO, Sebastian Blanc-Chevaux, he just doesn’t have the standing for this job.
Steve de Sade gets to be Aide to General Jacques Hatt though
And Charles Etfeevor is made Brigadier of Second Foot by the other Inspector-General, Percival Puffington.
Only Frank X Change has applied to become Minister of War. Luckily he has the ear of the King and lobbies for his appointment. Greg de Bécqueur and Minister of State Rick Shaw back him and His Majesty is convinced. Frank becomes Minister of War – and a Count to boot.
Minister of State Rick Shaw has no truck with the people who want to be Ministers without Portfolio. He turns down both Hugh Jeneaux and Zeold von Tu.
Now he’s Brigadier, Charles Etfeevor brings Second Foot HQ to join the 13th Fusiliers in action. What he’s not expecting is that Beau Taux will volunteer the 53rd Fusiliers, meaning that the whole Brigade is now deployed.
Alongside them, Botte Le Chimiste mobilises Grand Duke Max’s Dragoons, which is what most of those serving in the regiment expect, and Hugh Jeneaux orders Archduke Leo’s into action.
Sebastian Blanc-Chevaux volunteers with the Picardy Musketeers, while General Zeold von Tu signs up for another month with the RNHB, despite having invited “the better sort of gentlemen” to a soiree at his club later in the month. Surely this is not the sort of behaviour one expects from the better sort of gentleman.
Nobody cares
There are a lot of parties in Paris this month, mostly in the Fleur de Lys. The exception is Con Stantinople’s tribute to Guido Fawkes that kicks off the month in Bothwell’s. And does so without any quarrels. Con proposes a toast to the would-be assassin, with which all join in.
Also happening – or, rather, not happening – in Bothwell’s is François de Blanchefort’s celebration of the French victory at the Battle of Blanquefort in 1450. A very pale François is dressed as King Charles VII, with Freda as Queen Marie of Anjou, and they await their guests… Oh dear. The rival attractions have proved too much. Perforce, the prize for best-dressed couple can only go to themselves.
Both Ben e’Volence and Thibault Chanson de Skye are hosting all month in the Fleur. Presumably one of them is the author of the anonymous invitation in last month’s Press, so congratulations to all those who worked out who to Toady to. One who didn’t is Henri de Boudeille, who wraps up his month by trotting along to the Fleur and peering in to try to identify the author. Could be either.
Needless to say, such a gathering in one club sparks off some regimental rivalries. To start with, Ian Dediette and Justin Thyme (QOCs) are with Ben and spot Maurice Danseur (DG, natch) at Thibault’s bash. Frank X Change (CG), visiting the club on his own membership, sticks his head in to see what the noise is about and swaps challenges with Hugo Serre (KM).
The following week adds Louis Renault and his guests into the mix as they arrive from the coffee house to continue their discussions on the “Plurality of Worlds”. After thanking Louis for his generosity, Dwight B’Tard offers his musings on the meaning of life. He mentions Dante’s Divine Comedy – specifically the Inferno
– before moving on to the works of Aristotle, only to be hushed by his host for digressing. Louis bases his contributions on two illustrious tomes he has obtained at great expense:
“The Description Of A New World Called The Blazing-World”, written by The Thrice Noble, Illustrious, and Excellent Princess the Duchess of Newcastle, and “Other World: The States and Empires of the Moon” by none other than Cyrano de Bergerac. In an effort to outdo his host, Maurice Danseur has brought a translation of Lucian of Samosata’s Ἀληθῆ διηγήματα (Alēthē diēgēmata or “A True Story”) for its discussion of people living on the Moon. This is when Dwight pitches in again with Galileo Galilei’s defence of
heliocentrism.
Taking up Louis’s invitation rather than Thibault’s doesn’t spare Maurice from further exchanges. His enemies now include Con Stantinople – he’s joined Thibault’s bash, but still finds an opportunity to swap challenges. Similarly, Frank has to deal with Claude de Nord – one of Louis’s guests – as well as Hugo. Luckily Cardinal’s man Beaumes de Venise has arrived at Ben’s party in his nice new Subaltern’s uniform, so it’s two on two.
Who was where: in the clubs |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Fleur de Lys | TC + Frances | TCdS + Katy | TCdS + Katy | TCdS + Katy |
| TCdS + Katy | . CS + Anne | . MHD | . MHD | |
| . HS + Kathy | FXC + Edna | . HWB | . HWB | |
| . MD + Madelaine | BeV + Lotte | . CS + Anne | . CS + Anne | |
| FXC + Edna | . BdV + Lois | FXC + Edna | . MD + Madelaine | |
| RS + Justine | . BS | BeV + Lotte | FXC + Edna | |
| BeV + Lotte | . HF + Ella | . BS | . BdV + Lois | |
| . BS | . VdF + Belle | . HF + Ella | BeV + Lotte | |
| . HF + Ella | . MdG + Chris | . VdF + Belle | . BS | |
| . JiT + Guinevere | . CdF + Henrietta | . MdG + Chris | . HF + Ella | |
| . MdG + Chris | . ID | . RS + Justine | . HS + Kathy | |
| . CdF + Henrietta | . CdP + Therèse | . ID | . JiT + Guinevere | |
| . ID | LR + Maggie | . CdP + Therèse | . MdG + Chris | |
| . CdP + Therèse | . FdB + Freda | CdN + Jacky | . CdP + Therèse | |
| JH + Cath | . HS + Kathy | CdN + Jacky | ||
| . JiT + Guinevere | ||||
| . HWB | ||||
| . DBT | ||||
| . GdB + Bette | ||||
| . CdN | ||||
| . MD + Madelaine | ||||
| . HdB | ||||
| Outside Fleur de Lys | FdB (ZvT) | HdB (????) | ||
| HS (ZvT) | ||||
| GdB (ZvT) | ||||
| MD (ZvT) | ||||
| LR (ZvT) | ||||
| Bothwell's | FdB + Freda | AA | AA | |
| PPuf + Viv | ||||
| CS + Anne | ||||
| . FS + Fifi | ||||
| . MHD | ||||
| . GdB + Bette | ||||
| Hunter's | NM + Vera | |||
| Frog & Peach | DJA | |||
| Red Phillips | DBT | |||
| Shows who was in or outside a club: . = Toady to character above; (G) = Gambled; CP = Toadying to Crown Prince; (id) = expected host; bold = first visit to new club; underline = first time mistress seen in public with this beau. | ||||
Strange statues
Week three sees the arrival of several gentlemen who have not noticed Zeold’s departure to the RNHB, much to the amusement of those inside the Fleur. And this week the parties are peaceful as the only squabble is the continuing one between Claude and Frank. The quarrels recur at the end of the month as the CG, KM, DG and QOC members return to the parties. In fact, Con and Maurice are both at the same party, which is more convenient for the exchange of challenges.
Interestingly, Ben has the more loyal following across the month: Balzac Slapdash, Camille de Polignac, Hugo Furst and Martin de Garnache can find nothing better to do than go boozing together with Ben. While Hugo Serre almost manages the converse – Toadying to four different hosts in one month. Only Zeold’s absence prevents this.
The major topic of conversation in Paris’s clubs as November ends is the rather crude statue that has suddenly appeared in the Tuileries garden. Clearly carved in a hurry, the subjects can still be identified as a standing Terence Cuckpowder, joined at the hips to a bent over Rick Shaw. It is apparently a “fornicating effigy” and is protected by armed guards in an orange livery – though they seem quite keen for people to throw eggs and rotten vegetables at the statue.
After last month’s activity, there’s rather less courting in November. Still, Beaumes de Venise and Charles PiedLuminaire find themselves on the same doorstep and neither will give way. That’s it for Beaumes – he already has the affections of Lois de Lô, after all – but Charles demonstrates the value of persistence as Agnes finally succumbs to his third effort. Let’s hope his investment in his play, “Carry on Canoodling”, pays off as well.
Who was where: courting, visiting and going out |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Agnes | CPL fails | CPL fails | CPL succeeds | |
| Agnes's doorstep | BdV | |||
| CPL | ||||
| Anne | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Belle | VdF succeeds | Out | Out | |
| Bette | Out | Out | ||
| Cath | Out | |||
| Chris | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Edna | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Ella | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Fifi | Out | |||
| Frances | Out | |||
| Freda | Out | Out | ||
| Guinevere | Out | Out | Out | |
| Henrietta | Out | Out | ||
| Jacky | CdN succeeds | Out | Out | |
| Justine | Out | Out | ||
| Kathy | Out | Out | Out | |
| Katy | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Lois | Out | Out | ||
| Lotte | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Madelaine | Out | Out | Out | |
| Maggie | Out | |||
| Pet | DJA fails | AA succeeds | ||
| Therèse | Out | Out | Out | Out |
| Vera | Out | |||
| Viv | Out | |||
| Shows who was with a mistress or on a doorstep: Out = Mistress with current lover; I = Indiscreet (+ mistress name); ex-id = Pinched from former lover; st.down = stood down to rivals. | ||||
There are visitors too for the less reputable ladies of Paris. Arent Hayes may well have been there on other business as he didn’t bring enough money to cover any female company. While Henri de Boudeille decides to chance his arm on the tables. Half a dozen 10-crown wagers see him come out 20 crowns in profit as he wins four and loses two. Looks like somebody tipped off the footpads, though, as Henris is relieved of his winnings soon after leaving the establishment.
As the plays trailed last month begin to open, writers Arent Hayes and Felipe Savant are to be seen ‘encouraging’ actors and directors alike – though it’s a bit late to affect the standard of the writing. Called to take a bow by the audience, Felipe basks in the acclaim of full houses, while Arent has to make do with half-full, despite his investment (financed in turn by a hefty new loan) in the production to cover make-up, wardrobe and do on. “Carry on Canoodling” and “D’Artagnan” (it’s written by the Minister of State, you know) both have busy first months – good news for Louis Renault who has invested in the former – but there are fewer bums on seats for “Pandaemonium”.
Who was where: round and about |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 |
| Bawdy houses | HWB + FC: Mug 0 | MHD + FC | CA + FC | ID + FC |
| AH | HdB(G 80) + FC: Mug-80 | DJA + FC: Mug 0 | ||
| DBT + FC | ||||
| AA + FC | ||||
| Practising | JdG - Rapier | NM - Rapier | NM - Rapier | FdB - Sabre |
| CA - Rapier | TC - Sabre | BdV - Rapier | NM - Rapier | |
| HdB - Sabre | PPuf - Rapier | TC - Sabre | TC - Sabre | |
| DJA - Sabre | JdG - Rapier | JiT - Sabre | VdF - Sabre | |
| LR - Rapier | RS - Sabre | PPuf - Rapier | PPuf - Rapier | |
| CA - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | JdG - Rapier | ||
| JH - Sabre | CdF - Cutlass | DBT - Rapier | ||
| JH - Sabre | RS - Sabre | |||
| CdF - Cutlass | ||||
| GdB - Sabre | ||||
| CA - Rapier | ||||
| JH - Sabre | ||||
| LR - Rapier | ||||
| Regimental Duties | AdO | |||
| Rehearsing | FS | FS | FS | |
| AH | AH | AH | ||
| Shows everybody else: FC = Female Companionship; Mug n = Mugged & amount lost; (G) = Gambled; Weapon = Weapon practised with. For those doing nothing: -club = not a member of a club; -Cash = insufficient funds; -SL = insufficient Social Level; ???? = unknown host. | ||||
Roll them bones
Plenty of reinforcements bring success to the French troops on siege duty. There are mixed results for Second Foot Brigade as the 13th struggle while the 53rd see a storming party led by Lieutenant-Colonel Beau Taux take the gates of Freiburg from the Imperial defenders. Beau becomes Colonel of the regiment and enriches himself with well over a thousand crowns’ worth of loot. Brigadier Charles Etfeevor grabs a couple of hundred crowns for himself
In the wake of the Fusiliers, the Gascons storm into the town. Lt-Colonel Pierre Aux-Manique plunders his way to almost 1,500 crowns (some of which is heading back to Paris as an investment in the play “D’Artagnan”) and is patted on the back for his efforts. It seems not all of the townspeople appreciate the French troops. Subaltern Bertrand Charbonneau is welcomed into one home by the full blast of an elderly blunderbuss. Sadly, its load of nails does its worst. RIP.
Despite CO Thierry Toothpick’s constant stream of letters to and from Paris, the Dragoon Guards are on hand to ride down the Imperial troops who try to flee. This brings their pint-size principal the pick of the booty – over a thousand crowns’ worth. A Mention in Despatches (“picky, picky, picky”) follows, as does his long-awaited elevation to Marquis.
The Picardy Musketeers’ siege doesn’t make any progress, but this doesn’t stop the senior officers adding to their wealth. There are a few hundred crowns for Colonel Sebastian Blanc-Chevaux, a comfortable 500 for Lt-Col Lance A Little and something between those two amounts for Captain Pierre Newkirk.
Hugh Jeneaux’s Cuirassiers (well, technically they’re Archduke Leo’s) manage something similar with Hugh adding over 500 crowns’ worth to his wealth.
Grand Duke Max’s Dragoons seem to be at a loss what to do and trot aimlessly about the countryside. There’s still a MiD for boss man Botte Le Chimiste (“Where’s he going?”) and another for Lt-Colonel Elroi le Flingue (“Seen his play yet?”). There are Mentions, too, for Majors Maximilien de Piquemaire and Steve De Sade with rather different results. Steve is Knighted while Max just gets a pat on the back. But there’s nothing for Captains Claude B’Limey and Marc-Antoine Descartes (though Marc-Antoine does receive useful funds from Paris, courtesy of Maurice Danseur).
Busy leading a battalion of the Highlanders (rather than hosting a party), General Zeold von Tu picks up over 500 crowns’ worth of loot.